


Evil Multiplies and we will be there

by Wassiegirl



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Badass, Crime, Dancing, Donuts, EVEN NOW, F/M, Fantasy, Hotch is a sweetie, Kisses, Kissing, Serial Killers, Sex, Trauma, bad stuff, badassery, badassness, catching bad guys, hand holding, kickass, kiss, learning to live, sexy stuff, thomas gibson is a hottie, totally a fantasy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:15:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 54,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28911429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wassiegirl/pseuds/Wassiegirl
Summary: Multiple chapters~~Also, this is later seasons, just for technology sake, except no one leaves, so they just keep going. (Let's be real, it wasn't the same once Hotch and Morgan "left")While the BAU deals with Blakes departure and Prentiss being on the fence about coming back, the Director decides to bring on a temporary Agent to help fill in the gap, 33 yo Special Agent Andy Kolby. Kolby's what the agency refers to as a "Drifter", she's only ever temporary, and specializes in profiling. She keeps to herself mostly, never getting attached to her temporary comrades, until one of them surprises her and changes her mind. I mean, with all the horror and terror they see every day, what's a little time between new friends?"This is as weird as the idea of Hotchner on a beach"  Spencer Reid. This is my favorite quote.****there is Sex in this story. There is also depictions of Rape and torture. The detailed stuff is surrounded in stars so you know when it starts and finishes****
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 5
Kudos: 19





	1. The BAU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater.  
> But sometimes it doesn't. Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life.That is the sort of bravery I must have now.” ― Veronica Roth

Another day, another dollar. I got in last night, today is my first day at the BAU in Quantico, Virginia. I'm contracted for 3 weeks, unless a case during that last week runs longer. This facility is huge. Guess I didn't know what to expect in Virginia. I've been a Drifter for a little over 3 years now and I haven't had a vacation in just as long. 

The elevator doors opened and I stepped out. I've done this a hundred times, but I still feel a slight wave of nervousness, especially with this team. They're considered the BEST unit in the FBI. I opened the double doors to the office floor and walked in. I stopped a passerby "Can you tell me where I might find SSA Hotchner?" I asked. "Oh sure. That's his office up there," she pointed out towards the back of the room. "Thank you" I replied and went on my way. I passed several desks on my way to the office. There were few people there, I was a half hour early. The door was open to the office and there was a man inside. I knocked as I peeked in. "Come in," he said, not looking up. "Agent Hotchner?" I asked. He looked up, slight confusion. "Hello, I'm Special Agent Andy Kolby," I continued. He stood. This man was not made to smile. "Oh yes. Hello. Welcome, I am SSA Aaron Hotchner," he said. He's older, early 40's but definitely has city miles on him. 

"I will do my best not to interrupt your teams flow, I am here for whatever you need me for, Sir. Except for tech stuff. That's not something I've ever been good at," I finished. "Well don't worry about that," he smirked "We have someone for that. Trust me." I nodded with a slight smile. 

"If you would like to join me, we will be having a meeting in about 20 minutes," He said, leaving the room. "I will show you your office, as per request of the director," He finished. "I don't need an office. They just suggest I do because I never leave," I stopped him. "It's quite alright, this one is currently not in use and I'd rather not make waves with the director on this," Hotchner responded. 

"It's small, but.." Hotchner started. "No, it's prefect, Sir. Thank you," I cut him off. There's a couch and a desk. That's all I care about. I set my bag down and followed behind him. We went back towards his office but passed by, continuing down the way. We stopped at another office. "David Rossi, this is special agent Andy Kolby. She will be working with us for a time," Hotchner said introducing us. Rossi was sitting behind his desk in which he nearly jumped up from. "Hello, Welcome to the team," He said, shaking my hand. "I'll be out of your hair before you know it," I replied, a faux smile crossing my face. Rossi seemed slightly mused by my comment. "Anyway, meeting in 15," Hotchner told him. Rossi nodded and followed us into the meeting room.

There was a circular table at the center and a giant projector sheet on the wall. I went to the coffee pot and poured myself a giant one. "So how do you like Virginia, so far?" Rossi asked, grabbing coffee as well. I don't like to get personal much, after a while it gets... Anyway "Yeah, It's fine. Got in last night. Not much time for anything else," I responded. Idle chit chat's benign when you're temporary. It's the same questions every time I go somewhere new. It's not like I don't want to talk and enjoy conversation, it's more... I just can't anymore. After 3 years, it's feels pointless. I don't really care how that makes me come off either. 

I sat down at the table, Rossi next to me. He's gonna wanna talk, great. "Where are you from, Agent Kolby?" he asked, sipping his coffee. "Seattle," I responded. I try not to make my answers short and coarse. "I'm sorry, we weren't briefed that we'd have a new.." he started. "Why did you come out of retirement? Run out of ideas for your next book?" I said in a joking manner. I hate talking about myself. "Oh, ha. Something like that. I just get restless, ya know?" He answered with a light hearted smile. "Will you excuse me, please. I forgot something in my office," I said, getting up. 

I closed the door to my office and sat down in the chair. I just needed to get out of there. I opened my bag and pulled out a photo of my mother and sister, setting it on my desk. Then an old case file placing it in the top drawer. Ok, show time. 

I rejoined Rossi in the room, but this time everyone was there. "Everyone, this is Special Agent Andy Kolby," Hotchner introduced, "she will be will us for a time." he finished. everyone welcomed me. "With the reputation this unit has, I am very much looking forward to working with all of you," I stated. Garcia looks over joyed at meeting someone new. She is rather interesting, but that's good. From what I can gather so far, Morgan is the suave "Hey babygirl" type, I hate his eye brows. He's handsome to most, I'm sure. Jareau seems great, up beat, the human side of the team. Reid, adorable beyond belief. So innocent and that BRAIN!!

"So, our bad guy is one sick puppy. 3 men, all beaten to death with different forms of torture," Garcia stated. "What makes you think these are related?" I asked. "Um...", Gracia hesitated. "What is it, Garcia?" Rossi inquired. "He make these guys swallow....themselves," she finished, her face contorted in discomfort as she motioned down. Oh, he makes them swallow their cocks. Gotcha. "When did these men go missing?" I asked. "Oh! right, yes. Mark Thomas, he disappeared April 2nd, found 3 days later. In which our 2nd guy, Antone Brown went missing the day before Mark was found. The pattern continued with William Blake, our 3rd vic, who was found yesterday morning," she answered. "which means whoever's doing this has someone as we speak," Rossi butted up. "Ok, wheels up, 1 hour," Hotchner said leaving the room. 

The flight is only an hour. Reid sat next to me, Rossi and Jareau across. Hotchner and Morgan stood near. We gathered around the table as Garcia, via the computer, continued her information unload. "My lovely Super Heroes, Massachusetts is normally quiet. Ok, I checked out the background of all the victims and there's nothing that says they have anything in common. Can't seem to find a connection to these guys. Thomas was on parole. Brown an upstanding citizen, even making the paper last year for running into a burning building and saving an old woman and her cat. As for our 3rd guy, literally nothing. He keep his nose clean, no trouble, no heroics. Sorry, right now there's nothing else," she finished. Our files only show the photos and slight info on the victims. "Perhaps a sexual sadist? Either making their victims swallow either own genitalia, pre or post," I said. "That could very well be it, classic," Rossi agreed. "The P.D. is going to have everything for us when we land," Hotchner added. 

Everyone seems to go into a more relaxed mode afterward the initial prognosis, well with the exception of Hotchner. Probably to calm themselves before the storm. "Spence, what'd you read this morning?" Jareau asked. "I will guess some quantum physics encyclopedia from 1950?" Morgan jested. "Wait! Was it in Russian!?" he added. "Actually, I re-read my Star Trek graphic novel collection. I find comfort in the science. If you think of all the human race has accomplished over the past 50 years since these were written or the television show first aired, it's astonishing at the similarities," he continued on. "Oh for sure! I mean were actually not that far off from teleportation, though I wouldn't be lining up to buy the first gen..!" I involuntarily responded in excitement. I caught myself engaging, but It's hard not to, I love Star Trek... and Star Wars. Would it be so bad that I socialize about this kind of stuff? 

They continued chatting amongst themselves. They're a really close team.

Hotch sat in the back of the plane, nose in the file. I stared at him a moment, he is kind of handsome, in an unconventional way. I looked back down to my file and continued reading. 

\----

We were picked up at the airport. It's still amazing to me that we have a plane. who has a plane? Anyway I rode with Hotch and Reid. While the rest the were in the other car. "So does your love of science fiction only stay with Star Trek or does it expand to other universes such as Star Wars, Doctor Who, Battlestar Galactica?" Reid inquired giddy like. I hesitated, this is the first time nerd talk has come up at any of my stations. "I um...Yes. No. No. Nopers. and Stargate SG1 and Atlantis. Huge crush on Dr. Beckett. And yes, I know Pauls accent was fake. However he was born in Scotland, so he gets a pass," I finished. Reid smiled wide. 

At the station we were greeted by a Captain Sharp, "Thank you for coming, we're here for you whatever you need, you have everything we have," he said. "Good," Hotch replied. We went through the board and file information we were provided. "We need to see the crimes scenes. "Rossi, you and Reid go to the first scene. Morgan, JJ, scene two. Kolby, you're with me" Hotch ordered.

The ride was silent. We walked the newest scene. Nothing special, it's an alleyway, the vic was found wrapped in trash bags and laid against the trash bins.

"There isn't anything here," Hotch said after our sweep. "Standard drop. No one sees anything. Dark, unlit alley. Knew exactly what he's doing," I stated. Let's go back to the station. Rendezvous with the others. I nodded and we got back into the car. I drove us back to the station. It was silent. 

"There was nothing at the scene," Rossi reported. We kicked around theories for a while. Even the possibility that the unsubs a women. "There's something that's bothering me," I said out loud. "What's up, Kolby?" Morgan asked. "Does anyone have Garcias number? She's who we call for all things tech, right?" I asked. Morgan called her. "Chocolate rain, to my vanilla cream, what can I do for you my love" Garcia said. My eyebrows jumped to my hairline. They really are comfortable here. "Baby girl, you're on speaker," he said. "Oh, uh...What can I do for you?" She embarrassingly said. "Hello, Garcia," I started. "My new Badass Bombshell, what can I do for you?". "These deaths seem to clean for it to be the first time. Are there reports of anything else like these in the area? Over the last... 10 years?" I asked. 

Garcia typed away, doing her magic trick. "Nothing involving beatings or garbage bags, sorry sugar," she responded. "How about murders in 5s," I rebutted. "Oh my God, Yes! 3 years ago there were 5 men murdered over the course of 2 weeks with genital mutilations, beaten but no garbage bags or special placement. They were found in random areas around town."

"Garcia, find out what you can about those 5 men," Hotch ordered. "Yes Sir," She said, hanging up. "JJ's still talking to loved ones and friends. See if there's a connection there," Hotch was cut off. "Morgan," Morgan said answering his phone. "Ok, Mama. I'm gonna put you back on speaker," He said. ""It wasn't connected because of the variation of the beatings and locations. All five of the victims attended mandatory counseling through the courts," she spouted. "Why lay dormant for 3 years?" Reid questioned. 

"JJ, Ask the families if the victims went to counselling or had an visits to courts," Hotch said over the phone. After several minutes JJ entered the room. She told us that 2 out of the 3 victims were had mandatory counseling as well. "What about the 3rd?" Reid asked. "He went to counseling on his own," JJ answered. "That's the connection," Morgan said. "Garcia, find out who they have contact with there," Hotch ordered. She came back with a man, Michael Green, 45, office assistant. "We need to deliver the profile," Hotch shouted. 

The building we found him in was actually a part of the building he worked in that was under construction. Geared up, Hotch, Morgan and I took point. JJ, Reid and Rossi went around back. Inside we walked the halls. I just heard Hotch yell out. Morgan and I met in the hall and found the source. He was laying on the ground, barely conscious. "Hotch, did you see where he went?" Morgan asked hurriedly. "Go, I got him," I yelled to Morgan. There was only 2 ways out of that room, the one we came in from and the back door. Morgan ran off. 

"Agent Hotchner, can you hear me?" I asked. He was barely moving. "Hotchner, stay with me..." I said. He was hit in the head really hard. I leaned down, "Aaron, take my hand," I said sternly. He squeezed my hand and tried focusing on me. "Aaron, I know its hard because I'm so hideous, but you gotta keep looking at me, ok," I said trying to keep him awake. He seemed to chuckle for a moment, then he tried to say something, still squeezing my hand. He looked worried.

"Kolby, are you ok, I heard the shot!" Morgan yelled as he entered the room. The unsub was dead on the ground after I'd shot him in the face. In truth I was aiming for his chest, but Hotch wouldn't let go. "We need a medic," Rossi called over his phone after he found us. "He got hit pretty hard in the head," I told them, "He's not speaking." Morgan knelt down next to me, "Hotch, how many fingers am I holding up, man." Morgan was holding 3. He didn't answer. I tried to get up and let them do their thing. "No," He managed out, vice gripping my hand. He's not ok in the head right now. I leaned down, "I'm here, Aaron," I said, "It's gonna be ok." I ran my free hand over his hair. Not in any way other than to comfort someone whos scared. "Just keep focusing on my hideous face, ok." He chuckled again. "shhh," he mustered out. Hes talking, this is good. 

EMS got there a few minutes later. I tried to get out of the way, but Aaron still wouldn't let go. "We need to get him on the gurney now" one of the EMTs said. "I know, it's...Hold on," I replied. I turned back to Hotch "Aaron, you need to let go so we can get your head fixed," I told him. He stared intently into my eyes and gripped tighter, "Please". Rushed I asked "Can you get him up there if I get on the other side of him?". "Yes!" they answered. "Aaron, I'm gonna let go for just a second, we're just switching hands ok. So we can get you up. Do you understand?" I said. Hotch nodded with lag but he managed it. "Ok, lets do this," I said. I let go and immediately grabbed his hand with the other, while also jumping over him to the other side. EMS got him onto the backboard and to the gurney. I had a kitten like this once. We was playing with one of the older kittens and jumped onto a coat hanging off the back of a chair. The older kitten jumped off and the weight let up, pulling the coat and chair onto the little one. He had a brain scrambling concussion, he was terrified and held on to me for dear life until I got him to the VET ER. There was nothing that could be done, he was dying. It was the most heart breaking thing and still gets me to this day. I let that kitten hold onto me as tightly as he could while he stared terrified into my eyes. He died later that night. So if this man needs to hold my hand in order to feel less alone, less scared, I'll do it as long as I am allowed to. 

We got him into the ambulance and rushed to the hospital. I gave them as much info as I could, but I didn't know Hotch's past. I only hoped that maybe Garcia had that handled. I continued to stroke his hair and hold his hand. It seemed to keep him calm.

"43 yo Adult male, Concussion and open head wound," EMT 1 spouted as we walked into the ER. Still holding on, we rushed through several doors. "We need to get him to surgery, you can't come in," The doctor said. "I know," I replied. "Aaron, it's gonna be ok now. They're gonna help you," I told Hotch quickly. "Do you understand?" I added. "We have to go now," the nurse said. "ok!' I yelled. I wiggled out of Hotch's grip, he tried to get it back but lost the fight. "Let's get him in there," the doctor said, disappearing through the final doors. 

I stood there watching, I'm not sure for. I exhaled and walked to the waiting room. I sat and took a breath, putting my head in my hands and running them through my hair. "I'm here!" Garcia said entering the waiting room. She walked over to me with urgency, "What's going on right now? Is he ok?" she begged to know. "He's in surgery right now, but he was conscious when he went through the doors," I answered. She stopped when she looked at my face, "Oh my God! What happened?" she freaked out. "He was hit with something really hard. It split open his head," I replied. "No! You! There's blood all over your head!" she showed me, shoving a pocket mirror into my face. "Oh....it's not mine," I answered calmly. Hotch's blood was on the hand I was using to stroke his hair. I didn't notice the blood on it before running my hand over my face or hair. I'm a terrible observer. 

I went to clean up in the restroom. I stared into the mirror before washing it off. I hope he will be ok. 

Back in the lobby everyone was there. They all asked how Hotch was when he went in and how I was doing. I answered and took a seat. Several hours passed, when finally the doctor came out. Hotch was gonna be ok. But he'd be out for several more hours. The director urged the team to go back to Virginia since there was nothing more we could do. I hesitated to leave.

\-----

"You were really good with Hotch today," Rossi said as he and JJ sat across from me on the plane. Hotch was in the hospital, minor concussion. He'll be out tomorrow. I nodded. "That's an approach I haven't seen before," JJ added "Not with adults that is". "Agent Hotchner was confused and scared. He got knocked pretty good. Sometimes in that state of confusion it's best to revert to comforting someone as a friend or even how a loved one would in that situation. Also he had quite the grip, there was no escaping that," I ended. "Well done," Rossi said. I nodded in acknowledgement. "And he was hit pretty hard, did you see him smile?" He added. "Wait, what?" JJ asked. "Yeah, Kolby here got Hotch not only to smile but she even made him laugh," Morgan butted in. I don't want this to be a spectacle, I was just doing my job. "He must have been hit really hard," Spencer added. "How did you do that?" JJ asked. "Simple self deprecation in order to keep him focused," I answered. "Definitely not your typical approach, but effective," Morgan said. 

I walked passed them and to my office. "He's fine, Mama, he'll be out tomorrow," Morgan said. I sat down at my borrowed desk and exhaled. "Hi!" Garcias voice hit my ears. I looked up to see her standing in the doorway. "Sorry, I don't mean to bother you, but I heard what you did for agent Hotchner...and i wanted to talk to you on the plane but..." She started. "Please. It's literally my job. No need to thank me...at all," I quickly responded with another faux smile. Would you like to go out for drinks with us tonight? We're leaving right now," she asked. "Thank you but I have work I need to do," I replied. "Oh, are you sure? Ok. Next Time!" She said bummed out and left. 

I watched the happy crew leave. "You did real good work today, Kolby. You should go take an easy, by having drinks with us," Rossi said. These people don't know when to quit. I want to though, they seem really great. "I can't. I have much to do here. Thank you though," I replied. "Good night," he said, then left. 

"Aaahhhh" I sighed. I went back to the hotel once the coast was clear and laid there. Staring at the ceiling. And of course the thoughts start, did I go over the top with agent Hotchner? Is he awake? Is he alright? Does he remember what happened? I've never done that before. Well, the hand in the hair thing. That was a first. It just felt natural.


	2. Kindness reaches

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch is out for a few days recovering. Kolby runs into Kevin Lynch and makes him blush. And at some point she can't take her loneliness anymore.
> 
> "What you do makes a difference, and you have to decide what kind of difference you want to make" - Jane Goodall

\----- Tuesday ---------------- 

Morning came too quickly. I rolled out of bed and into the shower. Showering is my favorite time of day anymore. It’s the only time that’s mine. The hot water reaches a spot that nothing else has in a long time. It doesn’t wash the day away or the awful things I see, but it helps. The hotter the water the better. And in these hotels, it’s endless. 

I arrived 15 minutes early, went to the break room and grabbed a coffee. Oh my God, someone brought muffins. Yes. I took my coffee and Chocolate muffin, it’s cake...lets be real, and went to my office. I keep the lights off until I actually have to clock in. I don’t know what it is about sitting in your office while it’s dark, that makes it so relaxing, but it’s what I do to prepare for the day...And it helps. 

“HI! Good morning, my Mystery Wizard! Meeting in 5,” Garcia said, popping her head in the doorway. I gave her a nod in acknowledgement and got to my feet. 

“How are you feeling today, Kolby?” Rossi asked as I sat down. “Like I didn’t get any sleep,” I replied casually. Rossi chuckled, “I get that, but, hey, he’s ok.” he smiled sweetly. “Good morning, team,” Cruz said as he entered. “I just wanted to let you all know that Agent Hotchner will be out a few days, so Morgan will stand in as temporary Unit Chief. As for the update on SSA Hotchner, he’s doing well and is home now. Ok, then. Today will be make up day, folks. Of course, unless you’re saved by the bell. I expect to receive all of your wonderful accounts of yesterday's events on my desk by end of day. Alrighty. That’s it from me, get to it,” he finished. Cruz is interesting. He’s the big Boss, but seems fairly down to Earth, that’s almost relieving. 

I sat at my computer and stared for what felt like hours, but it was only minutes. How do I explain what happened? How do I explain the terror in his face? I opted for the quick and simple. 

**Unit Chief SSA** **Hotchner** **let out a yell, which got the attention of Agent Morgan and myself. The room had 2 ways in, Morgan and I entered through the main hallway. We found** **Hotchner** **on the ground, barely moving and barely conscious. Morgan went in the direction in which we both assumed the assailant went, since we had not crossed paths with Michael Green, the suspect, on our way into the room. While I tended to Agent Hotchners’ wellbeing, he alerted me the best he could that there was someone behind me, though he couldn’t speak. I pulled my weapon, turned to Find Green coming towards me with a metal bar, perhaps the one he hit Hotchner with. We are still waiting on the lab for those results. I fired at Green and he went down. The team joined me and EMS delivered Agent** **Hotchner** **to the Hospital. Agent Rossi and Ried found Greens latest victim alive.**

The reports are much longer than what’s above, but it’s a bunch of bullshit I don’t want to bore you or myself with it again. “Fuck!!” I yelled. My laptop crashed and I hadn’t saved anything. Gaw! I know I’m supposed to! Jesus Fucking Christ. That took me 2 hours. “Aaahhhh” I exhaled, only angry at myself. 

“Hello. Garcia?” I queried as I entered her computer room. “Oh! Oh my Gosh! To what do I owe this super special surprise visit?” She squealed. I don’t know what to do with that kind of optimism. I wish I could be her...Just for a day. “My computer crashed... and you’re tech, right?” I asked. She seemed super concerned and apologetic, “Oh! No. I do all job-related tech. You need Kevin Lynch, he’s my back up but he’s also the IT guy too. He’s great! I can shoot him a message for you, if you’d like!” 

“Oh, I'm sorry. I didn’t know. This place is very different from most. I would appreciate it. Thank you, Garcia,” I ended, turning to leave. “Penelope,” she said with a huge smile. I awkwardly nodded at her and left. I feel terrible. I think she would be hella cool to chat with, hang out with. 

There was a Knock on my open door, “Agent Kolby?” He said, looking down at his phone. “Yes” I replied, curious. “Hey, I’m Kevin Lynch, resident all things Technology, Penelope said you’re having computer issues? A crash?” Kevin questioned on his way over to my desk. He’s really cute. Like, cute and he oozed nerd. I wish I knew tech stuff so I had something to talk to him about. But he also seems kind of like my type... oh boy. 

I nodded, “Yes. I don’t know what happened to this stupid thing. We pay so much for this shit just for it to break down constantly. Technology and me... never mix.” “Well, don’t worry, the IT Doctor is in the house,” Kevin said, walking towards the desk. He opened up the laptop and played around with it. “What were you working on? Or looking at” He asked staring up at me. We stared just a little too long. He’s suuuuper cute. “Oh, uh. Reports,” I replied. “Well, even before it boots up, I can tell you what the problem is,” he said, checking the computer out again. “What’s that?” I inquired. “It’s a dinosaur. When did you buy this thing?” He chuckled, almost appalled. “2005... it was my High school graduation gift...” I replied, embarrassed. It’s nice not to have to hide for a moment. Maybe it’s because he’s just some rando and not part of my actual team? “Wooooow,” he said with playful sarcasm. “Will you be able to get it to at least work again?” I added pathetically. “Yeah, I’ll get it back up for you, don’t worry,” he said smiling. I was dying inside. There’s a dick joke there and I want to bust in like the damn Kool-Aid man for it. Ugh. “Can I take a seat on the couch? I can work on it here,” he said. “No, here. Take my seat,” I said getting up. He smiled and took my seat. I went to the couch and sat down. 

“So, you’re the new guy, huh...uh. I mean girl...” he bumbled through. I actually giggled, “It’s ok. In certain text ‘guy’ is universal. I use it all the time. And yeah, temp work.” “There’s actually temp work for FBI?” He looked shocked. “Ha, yeah. I just go from place to place, where ever I’m needed,” I answered. He smiled and nodded, still typing away. “Gets kind of lonely though, don’t it? Like, if you’re moving around all the time.” He seemed almost concerned. I forced a smile and half laugh... He’s completely right. “You been to Virginia before?” he asked. Great, more small talk. I shook my head and did one of those, it’s not really a smile, smile. “You should go to Pulcini's, it’s really nice. The owner is actually from Italy and his whole family works there. All legit Italian food” he informed. I got up and walked over to the desk. “What are you doing after work? Ya know, it does get really lonely. You... wanna meet up? Maybe hit that Pulcini’s afterwards?” I asked, scared to death but maintaining a calm demeanor. 

This poor guy, he looked mortified and shocked. “You wanna... with... me?” he squeaked. I nodded. “uh” he squeaked again, “I have a girlfriend,” He blurted out, nearly scared. “Ok,” I said and shrugged and turned to the computer, “So what’s the prognosis, Doc?”. “Well, she’s not my girlfriend, but I’m seeing someone... you really...me? Really? Wow...” he uncontrollably let out. It was like watching a bag of chipmunks all scream at once. “Kevin, it’s cool. I just think you’re cute and thought what the fuck. Don’t worry about it,” I assured him. My calm exterior seemed to rub off on him, not the kind of rubbing I was hoping for but, but we don’t always get what we want. 

He snapped back to the computer, clearing his throat... several times, “um...*cough*, if you let me have it for a few hours I can upgrade enough that it should run ok for you. At least a bit longer.” He stood, frantically and rocked my desk, apologizing profusely. He fumbled with the laptop, clearing his throat again. He kept forcing smiles here and there as he attempted to leave the room. “Uh, I could have this after lunch for you,” he said stopping in the door way. “Thank you, Kevin. I really do hope you can get it up for me,” I smiled. His reddened face went blank. Waving awkwardly, he slipped out. I didn’t really know what to do with myself now that I didn’t have my computer. 

The file I have with me I’ve read a million times already. Every day I search the web to see if there are similar murders, because I’m convinced there’s a duo running across the US abducting and murdering women. With my original team in Seattle, we came across a triple abduction, turned homicide. 3 women were abducted, all in the same day. However, they were in different parts of King county at different times. We couldn’t find anything to point us in the direction of the guys who took them, other than, there were at least two and they’re doing it for fun. 

They beat, rape and then drown the women over the course of 3 days. Discarding them on the 3rd night to be found on the 4th day. They have no type. They take everyone, black, white. Older, young, no children or elderly though. Short, tall. Etc. Once we ran out of time, meaning we found the bodies of the 3 women with no evidence on who did it, my unit chief shelved the case. I kept looking into it though. They deserved to have someone speak for them. 

I've found several cases across the country over the course of 10 years. 3 women. Beaten, raped. Drowned. They’re usually found in some remote place or it’s soooo spread out in time that no one connected the dots. I spent months putting together a profile and ANY proof of a serial spree. When I brought it to my then Unit Chief Hawkins, he shut it down so fast and told me to stop wasting my time. I went above him and presented my case. I was told it’d be looked into but... it’s since been 4 years... I think I’m close to finding a pattern, I just can’t see it. 

“Hey, do you want to join us for lunch? We’re going to this Josephines Mexican restaurant around the corner,” Spencer asked from the door way, breaking my focus. “oh, uh...Thank you, but I have a lot of work to do. Have a good time,” I said. He looked sad. Like a lost puppy that just wanted to play but instead you sat on the couch and ignored them. “Oh...ok...uh...ok,” he said, turning awkwardly to leave. I feel terrible now. My stomach growled as if to yell at me for what I just did. I jumped up and hurried out to stop him, “Actually yeah, I can. Kevin Lynch has my computer for a little longer anyway. Offer still good?” He smiled wide, “yes, of course.” 

The group sat in a booth. Everyone was here, minus hotch of course. They were talking about the things in their lives. JJ talks about Henry and Will. Rossi talks about cooking and writing. Spencer and Garcia talk about pop culture, Garcia also talks about kittens. I don’t blame her. Morgan enjoys talking about working out and dating. “Hey, has anyone heard from Agent Hotchner?” I asked. It seemed really out of place, since I hadn’t really said anything, just listened. Everyone said some form of no, but Morgan added “Hotch is a great boss, the best. And he’s a good man and friend, but he’s not much for out of work communications.” “He’s probably pacing back and forth, wearing his suit, unsure of what to do with himself and counting down the minutes until he’s allowed to come back to work,” Rossi added. Everyone laughed. Funny thing, I’ve only known him one day, but I could see that. 

Shortly after, I received a message from Kevin that my computer was ready for pick up. “Excuse me, Sorry, I need to get back to work. Something came up. Thank you inviting me, enjoy the rest of your lunch,” I said, scooting out of the booth. Is there a cool way to that? I don’t think so. “Is everything ok?” Rossi asked. “Yeah! Just something I’ve been waiting on. See you at the office.” I answered hurriedly. 

“I was able to get your Ram up a bit. It’ll be slightly faster now. Needed to make a little room,” Kevin informed me. “You didn’t delete any of my files did you!?” I freaked. “Uh, no. Just some old software that hadn't been used in 15 years... Really 2005?” he ended. I gave him the eye. “No, it's cool. Just, wow...” he said still stunned. I rolled my eyes, and continued looking for my files. Phew, there they were. I have them backed up, I think, I also have physical copies in my hotel room, but it’s so nice to have it all the on the computer as well. “Thank you, Kevin. What do I owe you?” I asked. He stared at me. “Kevin?” ... “yeah, sorry. Nothing, you don’t owe me anything, ha. It’s my job here, it’s work related,” he finished. “Cool, well, thanks.” I looked back at the computer. 

“So, what’s it you’re working on? I noticed the only thing you really have on there is one file that holds a lot of small files. I wasn’t trying to be nosey; I swear. I was looking at where I could free up some space and I saw it...” he fumbled out. “Just something I’m working on. We all have our pet projects. Is that all?” I ended, glancing up at him. Hinting he can leave. “Oh, yeah. Just let me know if you have any more problems, you know where to find me. You have my digits now!...ok. Bye”. Kevin started to walk away, but stopped and turned around, curiosity oozing from him, “So, did you really mean that? You think I'm... and you would’ve...” he said weirdly gestured. I just stared at him, blinking and trying to hold back a laugh, “you know what, never mind. Thank you. I mean you’re welcome. Ok. Bye,” he said leaving for real. I couldn’t stop giggling once he was out of sight. I felt it in my core. That’s a good laugh. It’s been too long since I felt such amusement. 

The rest of the day came and went. Finished my report. No calls, that means normal off time. I waited for everyone to leave before considering my departure. “Hey, you headin out?” Rossi asked, popping into the room. “Oh, uh. Not yet. Just finishing some stuff up then gonna get some much-needed sleep,” I answered. “Good, good. Are you ok? At lunch you didn’t seem to...” He started. I knew where he was going, so I cut him off at the pass “Yeah, I’m fine. Just a bit tired, and a little worried about getting my work done. Everything is mostly as good as it can be. Thank you,” I finished. “Well, I'm out, goodnight, Agent Kolby. See you in the morning, here’s hoping.” He smiled and left. Why am I like this? 

When I got to my car, I set my GPS to find the hotel again, but instead hesitated and looked up Hotch’s address instead. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I found myself driving to the woman's voice on my phone. As I sat in the parking lot, I tried to talk myself out of it. ‘It’s inappropriate. He could get the wrong idea and have me suspended, or fired. He’s gonna think I’m a weirdo,’. 

Ok, it’s a keyed door... gotcha...Ok, guess I’ll leave... oh look! Someone's coming out. I managed to squeeze in passed the guy leaving the building. 

This is a bad idea and kind of weird. I’m staring at the door now, inhaling and exhaling deeply, trying to muster the guts to knock. I’m just here to check on him... I think? I don’t even know why I’m really here. My hand hovered the closed door, I’m gonna knock. I can do this. Stop being a weirdo. But then I heard laughter coming from inside the apartment. It sounded like Hotch and I’m guessing Jack. I couldn’t help but smile and retracted my hand. 

In the shower I thought about the laughter I heard. It was really good to hear that. It means he _is_ ok. I’m not really sure why I care so much, I can't describe this feeling I have, or had... Now that I know for sure that he’s ok, I don’t feel whatever this is, or was, as much. That’s reassuring. 

I called my Mom and talked to her for a bit, then my little sister. Shes 12. I hate it. Haha, I want her to stay little forever. She's so precious. Kids aren’t for me, my own that is. But I love her more than anything on this planet. So, I guess there are exceptions to the rule. “I miss you so much, wee one. I know it’s been forever and I’m sorry. There’s nothing cool here to do, or I'd fly you and mama out. But my next place, in a few weeks, I promise ill have you guys for a few days. Ok?” I spoke lovingly. I miss her so much and my voice won't hide it. She agreed. We sent our loves and hung up. 

\----- Wednesday ----------- 

The morning was slow. I did what I did every day that I didn’t have another case to do. The team was at one of the colleges doing a talk about what we do. I was asked to go, but I’m not much for the spotlight... or public speaking in that matter. 

They returned in the late afternoon, just a few hours before quittin time. “We gotta go, now!” Morgan yelled into my office. “Grab your gear,” he added. I met the team by the elevator. “Where are we going?” Rossi asked. “Our own backyard. Hostage situation,” he answered. On the ride down to the garage, Morgan continued to tell us that our unsub is a local security guard. Neighbor heard a gunshot about 30 minutes ago. Local P.D. arrived, turned hostage situation. “Who’s he holding?” Spencer asked. “His daughter,” Morgan answered. “How many supposedly in the house?” JJ asked. “Married, 2 children. I don’t know the current status. We’re 11 minutes away,” he ended. The doors opened and we got into our bureau vehicles. 

“What’s the current situation?” Morgan asked the P.D. Captain. “We haven’t seen movement in about 15 minutes. No shots either,” She responded. “Ok, we’re gonna need your people to back up, he may feel cornered and we need to make him feel a little more ease. She nodded and recalled her officers. 

“Garcia, what do we got on him?” Morgan spoke into his phone. “Ok, names Andrew Gibson, 49. Mail carrier. Oh no, he’s a total cliché. I’m sorry, he’s been employed with the USPS for 21 years. Wife, Samantha, children Thomas and Lilly,” She spout as fast as she could. “Any run ins with the law?” JJ asked. “No. He seems to be clean,” she replied. “Hm... What about his job? Stable? And issues there?” Rossi asked. “One sec,” Garcia said. Sometimes there’s no real stressor for situations like these. Sometimes people just...snap... 

“Talked to his boss, nothing there. Says he’s always at work, does his job. Seems happy at home. But really couldn’t tell you more, he keeps to himself,” she said. “Finances?” I added. Rapid typing could be heard over the phone before she spoke again, “all their bills are caught up. I’m not really seeing anything that I can offer you, sorry” she ended. He hung up and took the mega phone. “Andrew Gibson,” he said. The house was still dark, no movement. Nothing. “Andrew Gibson, we just wanna talk, man. Just come out and talk.” He added. Nothing. 

We got the house phone number and called. Surprisingly he answered. His voice was very distressed and erratic. “Andrew, this is Agent Derrick Morgan with the FBI, I here to find out what’s going on?” Morgan asked. We listened as they talked. ”Just make them stop. I’ve done good all my life; I’ve done it right. Just make it stop!” he yelled. “Make what stop, Andrew? Is your family alright?” Morgan pushed. “What? You know. You know what it is! It’s not gonna stop, man. It’s gonna get them too...” He cried into the phone. “Tumor or Cancer?” I added. JJ called Garcia, “Hey, check the family's medical records.” “Oh... Pancreatic Cancer... stage 4. He got the news Friday...” She spoke. “Ok, that’s the stressor. Now what? If he’s got no way out, then he has nothing to lose,” Rossi stated. “I mean, I have an idea. While you guys figure out how to talk to him, how about JJ and I go around back, see if we can get in. Or, Morgan and I? I just think if we got close enough, we’d have options,” I offered. “That’s not a bad idea, options are good,” Rossi threw out. “The statistics of this situation coming to an end without the death of anyone is extremely low. If we can stall him long enough, perhaps we could get in there and stop it from getting worse,” Spencer added. Morgan agreed. “Kolby, you’re with me. JJ, talk to him. You have experience with this now, use it,” he ordered, handing her the mega phone. 

Morgan and I slipped around the cars and into the neighbor’s yard. “We can see him in the living room window, he’s focused on JJ now,” Spencer said over the comms. Situations like this are either really fast... or they can take what seems like days. This is going to be one of those fast ones... Someone's not walking out of here. 

Morgan and I got around back. It helps when you have eyes out front. Spencer and Rossi keep us updated through our ear comms. We peeked into the first window, looked like a child's room. I moved on to the next window. Kitchen. There was someone laying on the floor. “Hey, does he still have a kid with him,” I whispered. “Yes,” Spencer answered. “There’s a body on the kitchen floor,” Morgan responded. “He’s gone! He's Gone!” Rossi yelled over the comm. Morgan and I froze. We pressed up against the house quickly. We listened, for anything. “He’s back in the window. Boy’s still with him,” Spencer finally said. We let out a sigh of relief and moved. “We’re going to try entering, keep him talking,” Morgan ordered. JJ got louder. Morgan tried the back door, it was locked. I went to the final window, looked like a teenage girl's room. I tried the window, it budged. We did everything we could to open this old window quietly. Morgan brought over a bucket he found near the door. And I stepped up. 

Inside we looked around. It seemed empty. We went to the door; it was cracked open. “Check” I whispered. “He’s still pre-occupied, but he’s losing interest” Rossi answered. What was that? Both our heads snapped to the closet where a ruffling noise came from. 

1.2.3 we opened the closet door. “We found Lilly” Morgan whispered into the comm. He went to the door to watch out. The girl who as about 12 was gagged and tied up in her closet. She'd been there a while, she soiled herself and was crying. I snapped my finger to my lips, trying to urge her to be quiet. “Shh. It's very important you stay super quiet, ok,” I whispered. She nodded and quieted. “I’m going to take this off, but you have to whisper,” she agreed and I took of her gag and untied her hands and feet. “Is there anyone else in the house? Or is it just your parents and brother?” I asked urgently. “No one else,” she cry-whispered. She held onto me so tightly. “It’s gonna be ok. You’re gonna crawl out the window and run to the neighbors back yard. You can’t let your dad see you, got it? Stay there until one of my police friends come get you ok.” “She’s coming out, someone grab her in the neighbor's yard, west side,” I whispered into my comm. 

We got her out and to our surprise, Rossi was insight and waiting for her. “That’s my friend, David” I pointed him out. She ran over to him. Now the boy... 

We crept down the hall. There were pictures everywhere. Pictures are great, but they can be lies. They look so happy. And they probably were. 

It’s hard doing this. Walking into any situation that you know there’s a chance you may never come out of. Walking in the dark, unfamiliar place, waiting for someone to jump out, waiting for at trap, waiting for whatever could happen. It’s just good not to be alone. In moments like this, all you can feel, all you can hear is your heart beat. We came upon the kitchen and living room. Andrews in sight. The boy’s crying, but alive. I glanced into the kitchen seeing the body on the floor. It’s a woman and she’s laying in the fetal position. I slipped into the kitchen, there’s another entryway at the other end of it, gives us 3 positions to take him out from. I knelt down and checked for a heartbeat... it was weak but there. I gave Morgan the thumbs up. She’s alive, for now. The woman looked up at me, she was about to say something, but I stopped her with my hand. She closed her eyes and nodded weakly. I stood back up and quickly glided over to the second entryway. Suppose it’s a good thing he kept the lights off. I hid in the shadows and waited for Morgans que. 

“Freeze, FBI. Let the boy go. If you wanna die that’s fine, but he doesn’t need to die too,” Morgan called out. Andrew snapped around wildly, going back and forth trying to keep the boy in front of him. “You don’t wanna do this, man. If you wanted to hurt them, you would have already. Just let them go,” Morgan continued. 

Andrew was backing away from the window, seeming to think he had a way out, or a safe place. Morgan kept at him. “We don’t have a clean shot,” kept coming over the comms. He’s almost within reach. “Don’t you wanna spend your last precious days with your family? Knowing they’re going to be alright? Watch them play at the lake, you want those to be your last memories, not this...” he ended. Andrew started crying, softening his grip on the boy. There! He's close enough. I snatched the boy from his grip and shoved my gun in his face, “Give me a reason!” He dropped his gun, sobbing. Morgan took over, cuffing him and taking him out of the house. “CLEAR! SEND IN MEDICS NOW! GUNSHOT WOUND, SHES WEAK. The boy is safe,” I yelled. Medics came in, taking the boy and going to the mother. I rushed to the mother. I walked with her while they wheeled her out. I grabbed her hand. She was barely awake. “Lilly and Thomas are safe,” I told her. Then she was in the ambo and gone. 

I walked back over to the team. P.D. took Andrew off our hands, and luckily enough the case. We still have to write a report, but that’s worth it. “Good job Morgan. I’m honestly astonished you got him out alive, I was for sure he was going to either murder suicide, or death by cop. Way to go man.” Rossi congratulated. “We all did it. Way to go JJ for what you were doing. Whatever you were saying got us in.” He ended. 

Our shift was nearly over when we got back to the BAU, I spent the next two hours writing my report and went back to the hotel. I called my mama and sister. I couldn’t imagine a life without them... 

\------ Thursday ---------- 

Lunch time in the break room. No muffins, but someone brought fruit by the foots and fudge. I love this person. I bet it’s Garcia. She seems like that type. “Oops! Sorry,” I said after bumping into someone. “No, it was me, sorry. Oh! Andy...Kolby Agent. Agent. Kolby...Hello. How are you?” He gracelessly spewed out. I tried to hide my laughter; I like this. “I’m alright. Thank you. And you?” I asked. He was trying really hard to figure out what he needed to do with his hands, leaning against the counter, then straight back up, then leaning again. What a nervous wreck. Hah “I’m good, ya know. Like, totally fine,” he replied, still awkward. “Agent Kolby, may I have a moment, please?” Hotch’s voice came in over the break room. He was back. Must have been in meetings all morning. “Yes, sir. Of course. “See ya,” I said to Kevin, and walked over to Hotch. “Agent Kolby, do you have plans for lunch?” He asked. Confused and suspicious, I answered, “No...” “Good, would you join me? I would like to go over a few things. Is that alright?” He ended. “Yes, of course,” I replied. “Good. Shall we?” he mused. 

“Kevin, what was that about?” I heard Garcia asking him. I hadn’t seen her in there. I heard Kevin say “nothing...ugh... I tell you later”. Uh oh. 

We went to a diner around the corner. Very mom and pop, it was wonderful. We looked over the menu, well I did. “Are you ready to order?” the waitress asked. “Are you?” Hotch asked of me. I nodded, “Yes. Bacon burger. Sweet potato fries and a warm apple pie shake.” “Wow. That actually sounds amazing, I’ll have the same. Thank you.” Hotch said. Handing her our menus. 

We sat there in awkward silence for a moment. I didn’t really know what to say. He's obviously fine, ”how are you feeling?” “Thank you for joining me, I wanted...” we spoke over each other. We let out a ha, but I let him go first. “I am doing well. I’m no longer in the danger zone, and no longer dizzy. Thank you,” He answered. He continued “That is in part of why I asked you here. I wanted to thank you, Andy, for what you did. Yes, I know it’s your job, but not everyone can do what you did. I’ve been shot, I’ve been stabbed. I’ve been face to face with the serial killer that left me for dead and killed my wife. I was never scared. Not until he went after my family of course, but when it comes to me, I don’t have much fear. However,” I stopped him “Sir, you don’t have to tell me anything,”. Why was he telling me this stuff? He owes me nothing. And not gonna lie, I’m feeling a little bit emotional about it. “I know. But I also need you to know that for the first time I was scared. And you don’t know what it meant to have you there, keeping me close. Not leaving me.” He seemed to finally finish. I was at a loss for words. 

While I searched for the words to say, Hotch butted up again, “I knew it was you by the way. I read the report, you assumed I thought you were Hayley... I knew it was you. Thank you, Andy.” He finally ended. I just softly smiled and nodded, “you’re welcome, Aaron.” 

Our food came, it was amazing. Reminds me of home. “What was the other reason you asked me here?” I asked. “Oh yes,” he said, setting down his burger, “Good job yesterday. You’re everything your file says you are. How are you doing with this?” he asked. That was weird, I’ve never been asked that. I just do my job, get thanked or not and leave. “I’m good,” I replied, shoving another fry into my face hole. “How are you getting along with the team?” He inquired. Shit, I don’t know what to say to that, lets go back to thanking me for helping you... haha. Ugh. I mean, we’re working together just great. Not on a personal level cause I’m crazy and don’t wanna feel even more alone when I leave here. “They’re amazing. They’re like real life superheroes, without the capes... or the flying. Working with them is effortless, Sir. They are very connected. Your team is a gem,” I ended. He watched me for a moment. He was reading me. Douche. What is it that he’s after? 

The rest of the meal was silent. It wasn’t that long though. When the check came, Hotch tried to pay for me, but I insisted on paying for myself. I don’t ever assume someone will pay for me. If I can’t afford it, I shouldn’t be eating out. 

“Are you back to work, Sir?” I asked before we entered the building. “Yes I am. And I’ll be here all night, playing catch up.” In the elevator, he broke the silence, “Why didn’t you knock?” “What?” I was caught off guard. “Tuesday, why didn’t you knock?” he asked again. How the fuck did he know? “Uh, how did you know I...?” I started to ask. “I heard the floor creak near the door and saw a shadow in the door crack. When no one knocked, I had the manager show me the footage and saw you.” The doors to the elevator opened. We stepped out... I felt cornered, I felt embarrassed. It was really inappropriate. “I....I... I wanted to make sure you were alright... it was inappropriate and I’m sorry,” I stumbled out. He eyed me, still reading me, trying to extract more info, “Thank you, but that doesn’t answer my question. Why didn’t you knock?” he asked again. I avoided eye contact and shrugged, “I heard you and who I assumed was Jack, laughing. I knew you were ok. That made that little thing in my stomach better, so I didn’t see the need to impede on your evening. That’s way,” I finished. He was silent, his face is so unsettling, he’s perfected hiding any emotion when he wants too. “You would have been welcomed. If you’ll excuse me, I need to meet with Cruz again before I start on paperwork.” Hotch softly touched my arm and then he walked away. 

On my way back to my desk I was met by Garcia. She’s nothing like Hotch, she can’t hide anything on her face. She has one of those knowing faces, she wants to girl talk. “What can I do for you, Garcia?” I asked, stopping outside my office. “I had lunch with Kevin today,” she said knowingly. “Okay...?” I furrowed my brow in curiosity and walked into my office, she followed behind, closing the door. “Did you really ask him out? He’s like totally freaking out about it, nervous at the mention of you and in the break room today, I haven’t seen him like that in forever,” she said excitedly. I thought for a moment. I’m unsure of what to do, how much did he tell her? “He made small talk while fixing my computer. He mentioned a restaurant, I asked him if he wanted to go, after we fucked. But he mentioned he was dating someone and I left it alone. Sorry it’s not more exciting than that. Sorry if he’s so bothered by it. It was nothing” I ended. Her jaw dropped; she was smiling. Garcia was about to lose it. “That’s why he’s freaked out! He’s never had someone be so forward like that with him. Other than me. I don’t think he’s had anyone say that, even when we were together, I don’t think I was ever THAT forward at the beginning. You’re a real hero. Sexually progressive woman, uncaring and smashing societal, archaic norms. GOOD FOR YOU SISTER!” she preached. I just really wish she’d go away right now. I am so uncomfortable, especially because I want to be her friend, I want to talk to someone about stuff like this. But this isn’t the place. I did one of those wide eyed “ok...cool...ya....” looks, Smiling and watching her leave. “OMG. That is also cool you can be just so casual about it, too.” she added, pacing. “Anyway, I have to get back to work. If you could, please keep this between us. I just thought he was cute and that was it. But it’s done and over with now,” I stated. She zipped her lips and let me know she understood. And that she’ll tell Kevin to calm his titties. 

Hotch was in his office when I left for the hotel. You can barely tell that only 4 days earlier he had had his head split open. The hair they shaved was obvious but not unless you stared. Hotch looked up and saw me staring at him, fuck. He did a little wave and nod; I did the same. 

I think I’m very attracted to Hotch. Double Fuck. Totally diddling myself into oblivion tonight. 

\------- Friday ------------- 

Funny thing about Friday’s, in this job it doesn’t matter what day it is, there is no such thing as a weekend. If you get one, get on your knees and thank whomever you pray too. It’s been a long week and now it’s 4:10 AM; we were called in. 

“Sir, we’re so happy to have you back,” Garcia sweetly blurted out at Hotch from the screen. Everyone on the jet looked to Hotch in acknowledgement, but he glanced at me. “Let me know if you need anything,” she added. “Now then. We don’t have a case per say, but we’ve been invited to Robstown, Texas to interrogate 2 suspects currently in custody. Time is of the essence which is why you’re getting the deets now. Billy and Ronald Henry are suspected of kidnapping and murdering their sister, Mary Joann. Here’s the kicker, there’s no Body, so it’s either confession or they walk. The only reason they think it was them is because they threatened her life multiple times and actually kidnapped her before, returning her 2 days later after nearly scaring her to death. Claiming it was just a joke.” 

“If there’s no Body, and they think she’s dead, why are we being called in?” Morgan inquired. “They’ve had them 36 hours already..” she answered. “That means they’re running out of time before they have to let them go,” Hotch interrupted. “Garcia, send us everything you have on the brothers.” 

Watching hotch interrogate is so hot. I can’t believe my thoughts went there. But... He’s so amazing. Hotch has Billy. This one seems too quiet for what he’s being charged for. Ronny, the other brother, he’s a loud one. Constantly yelling about how we’re just out to get him and his brother for no reason other than they’re hard working Americans. Rossi and JJ are working on him. Spencer, Morgan and I watched. 

After several hours, switching out Agents, we were getting nowhere. “I don’t get what their motive is. These guys are assholes, but why kill their sister? What do they gain from it?” Morgan asked. There were more questions than answers. We went over the files again. Info on the boys, what the police and local FBI found. “We only have info for the suspects after the age of 18. What was their childhood like?” I questioned. “That would be good to know,” Hotch said. 

We found out the Mary and Ronny may have had relations as teenagers. Later we were told by neighbors that Ronny was very upset when he found out that Mary Joann was getting married. He Started drinking and that’s when the threats from both boys started. “You guys... was she pregnant?” JJ piped up. We interviewed the doctor only to find out she was indeed pregnant. 

Hotch sat down in front of Ronny. “Who the fuck are you?” Ronny spit out. “When did you find out she was pregnant? Was it Billy that told you?” Hotch shot point blank. The Hotch stare is insane. “Few months ago. When she announced she was getting hitched to that LOSER, Trey!” he shouted. “Is that when Billy convinced you to go along with the kidnapping and murder of your sister? The mother of your child?” 

Ronny nearly dropped with this news. All the stages of denial and shock crossed his face. He was ill. “What? No... That’s sick. She’s not... bit’s not.... It can’t be...” He frantically tried to speak. “She was 4 months pregnant. She met her fiancé 10 months ago, but they hit a rough patch... around 4 months ago?” Hotch waited for a response. Ronny was fidgeting, rocking back and forth. “Where’s her body?” Hotch said with force. Ronny was nearly in tears. He gave up the location of Mary Joann, she was alive. 

Billy was your natural born psychopath. Ronny was the follower. Billy knew that she was pregnant with Ronnies child. He thought it would be fun to watch Ronny torture her, knowing what was inside her. He got off on it. He admited he was going to tell him after she was dead. 

I’m so tired. Everyone’s exhausted. Spencer and JJ were asleep. Morgan was listening to music and texting. Rossi and Hotch were chatting near the front. It’s not common we find someone alive and the last 3 cases.... 3 homeruns. Mostly. I got word this morning that the mother from the hostage situation had died from her injuries. That’s always hard. 

It’s actually early though, 6pm. I can hear the team outside my office, they're making plans to go out tonight as a group. They stopped asking me to join them a few days ago. and now I can't help but feel even more bummed and alone. It’s my own fault. "Aren't you going with everyone tonight?" his voice breaking me from my pity party. "Huh? Oh. No. I have a lot of work to do," I stumbled out, clearing my throat. "That's interesting. Seeing how Morgan and I do all the paperwork, and your report for yesterday's events and today were turned in already. What is it that you’re working on?” he said, knowingly. I sat in silence. Shamed. “Is there a problem, Agent Kolby?” he commanded. “No, sir! No, there’s no problem at all. It’s...it’s...me...” I finally said matter of fact. I exhaled and slumped my shoulders. I got up and went to the door closing it. I looked up at Hotch. He’s reading the shit out of my right now. “I... I can’t... Allow myself... to get close with anyone” I sighed. I felt so awkward, so pathetic, trying to admit that you’re a little crazy in self-punishment because the end results the same, every time... It’s hard. But I admit it... I’m so lonely... I took a deep breath and managed at look Hotch again, confident this time “You know what?!” I said, then left the room. 

I walked on to the office floor where everyone was heading towards the door. “Excuse me guys,” I called out. They all just kind of stopped and turned. “I know you guys are itchin’ to get out of here as fast as you can, I don’t blame you. But this would only take a moment, if you’ll allow it,”. I waited for some sort of response. They all kind of looked around at each other then back to me. “What is it, Kolby?” Morgan finally spoke. I took a deep breath, trying to find the words...any words...the right words. 

“I owe each one of you the biggest apology,” I started. I saw confusion cross their faces, but I continued “You all have been nothing but kind to me since I got here. Listening to my theories. Trying to converse with me. Even inviting me to join you in your personal time... and I've shot you down at every opportunity. I am so sorry. You might think I’m a little nuts right now, but I don’t give a fuck. I need to say this to all of you. 3 years ago, I was assigned this position, I won't get into why, but just know it was either this, or... probably writing parking tickets back home. I’ve been assigned to... I don’t even know how many teams, and it’s always the same. I click a someone or maybe the whole group I'm lucky. But when I leave, there’s nothing after that. It just over. Then it starts over. So, a while back I decided to avoid any attachment on a personal level. And if there was anyone that wanted to continue a friendship, I'd feel horrible because I have nothing to say. I’m telling you all this because for the past 2 and a half years it’s been like this for me. Come in, do my job, go onto the next. I don’t know what it is about you guys, but you are the only team I’ve ever worked with that really are family... and it makes me want to know you and I'm sorry I've been an ass since I got here. I haven’t wanted to be, but when you answer with the shortest possible answers, avoid personal information topics and turn down a night with someone who wants to spend time with you... It weighs on you. I’m also what you call an acquired taste... Once I'm completely myself, I'm hard to take. I swear all the fucking time and I’m loaded with sexual innuendos. I’m so jealous of Morgan and Garcias friendship. I haven’t had anyone in my life like that in....too many years.” 

Everyone was quiet. I don’t know if they knew what to say or had anything to say. Before anyone could though, I had one more thing. “Spencer, I want to have the Star Wars conversation with you, I have the most unpopular opinions ever and I think it’d be hella fun to debate and just annoy you with it. You and Garcias nerd life is what I live for, and I miss it so much. Listening to you two talk reminds me of the fun I used to have at Comicon with some old friends. Stuff that I miss so much. And Garcia,” I zoned in on her. I walked over to her, “Penelope, you have been the kindest person I have ever met. And you’ve tried so hard and I could tell every time I turned you down, you felt like you did something wrong, and you need to know you have done absolutely nothing wrong. You are Sunshine in the darkest of nights, all these guys behind me can attest to that. I don’t know how you have such optimism in you. You hold all the cheer in the world and you wear it better than anyone I’ve ever met. Never lose that. I am so sorry especially to you for how I’ve treated you, or... not treated you since I got here,” I finally finished. 

Garcias tried holding back her tears, but she failed. Tears streamed down her face as she hugged me. “Oh, we’re hugging now...ok...” I said, caught off guard. “You are so forgiven,” she said as she squeezed the life out of me. She let go with a smile from ear to ear, literally. She was like a real-life Cheshire cat. I stepped back and awkward and humbly nodded “Thank you. And have a wonderful weekend, ya’ll,” I said. I turned and walked back towards my office, passing Hotch and Rossi, who were standing there staring. 

“Would you like to join us tonight, Andy? Karaoke and dancing and drinking!” Garcia blurted out. I felt excitement for the first time, like I freed myself to go have fun. “You have too, we’re celebrating,” JJ said. “What are you Celebrating,” I asked, thinking it was someone’s birthday and I didn’t know. “Whatever you want,” he replied. I smiled but tried to hide the bigger smile I had inside “Yeah, I’ll grab my stuff and meet you there. Where are we going?” I asked. “I text you the information, my heart wrencher,’ Garcia squeaked up. 

As I was grabbing my jacket, I could hear Rossi ask Hotch to go, but he declined, catching up for the few days he was “off”. “Ok, well, I’ll see you Monday then. Good night, Aaron,” Rossi said. “See you soon, Andy,” Rossi added peeking into my doorway. I nodded and waved him off. 

I walked out of my office, jacket and backpack in hand. I looked up to see Hotch was sitting at his desk working. “Hey, sir. Aren’t you going out with everyone tonight?” I threw his words back at him. “No. I have so much paperwork to catch up on since I was gone Tuesday and most of Wednesday.” 

I thought for a moment, kind of fighting myself. I know we’re not friends, regardless of my grand speech, but... “You should get home to Jack. It’s been an intense week for you,” I said. “Oh, Jack is with his grandparents this weekend, I knew I was going to have to work a little later,” he replied matter of fact. I glanced at the folders on his desk, “It’s not normally like this,” He said. “Well, is it really going to matter if you get them done tonight? Or can they wait until Monday?” I asked. Walking towards his desk. “I just need to get them done,” he rebutted. I decided in that moment I was going to be myself from this point on, no matter where it led me, “Aaron...”, his eyes shooting up at me, a little shocked. “Don’t make me do this...” I added. “And what is that, Andy,” curiosity lacing his monotone words. “Ok, I have no other choice then. I’m pulling out the repayment card,” I said, shrugging. His face went blank for a moment as he stared at me. “The what?” he asked. I’ve got him. “The repayment card. You know, for saving your life,” I added, seemingly serious but playful. He seemed lost for words, maybe because he doesn’t know me, he thought I was being serious. 

“I need to repay you for saving me?” He said, his tone unchanging. I smiled smugly “Yeah. And I’m using it against you, right now. Come join us tonight and have fun,” my voice surprisingly upbeat. He was a little dumbfounded, I could see it on his face. He wants to say yes, but isn’t sure how to. “Aaron, come with me tonight and celebrate the fact that you didn’t die on Monday. That you are here, and alive and you have your son, your friends, the job that you love... that you didn’t lose that 5 days ago, you didn’t let go... I have the grip burns to prove it,” I jested. He looked at my hands concerned “I’m kidding about the burns, gosh,” I laughed. He got up and leaned over “I know. I’ll meet you there.” I smiled and gave him a nod. 

I pulled up to the Mexican place we had gone to for lunch a few days prior, but it was definitely different this time. The lights were low and strobe lights took their place. Music was bumpin as I could tell from the outside. I left my bag and jacket in the car, just bringing money and my id. I walked up to Find Hotch standing outside the door. How did he get here before I did? He left after me... “I thought you’d changed your mind,” he said, a slight smirk at the corner of his mouth. “Are you ready to go in?” He asked. I said hell yeah and we enter the very loud Friday night. 

There was what looked like a live band set up, but hip hop played over the loud speakers. We found the team at a large standing table near the dance floor, “Hey! Look who I found,” I said, walking up with Hotch. They all cheered. Rossi greeted Hotch with a hug, as if they hadn’t seen each other in months. The waitress walked up as we were getting settled. I laid my jacket over the back of the chair when I felt a body pressing against me “Dave and I are going to the bar for a drink, what would you like?” Hotch asked. Caught off guard, I hesitated, “Just water for me. Like... a Pitcher with a straw if you can get that,” I laughed. He smiled and said ok and joined Rossi at the bar. “It’s Friday, you know you can let loose, Kolby?” Morgan said from across the table. I smile and yelled “I don’t drink.” They all looked as if they were ten and I told them Santa wasn’t real. “Not at all?” JJ asked. I shook my head and laughed again. 

“Well. I can easily understand, if people really understood what alcohol actually does to the human body, I believe more people wouldn’t do it,” Spencer started. “The metabolic rate at which it breaks down...” He continued. “Reid... you want another drink?” Morgan interrupted. “Yes,” Spencer quickly responded. Everyone laughed. This was so nice. 

“How are you feeling, oh recently freed, woman?” Garcia asked. “I feel like I’ve been hiding and now I don’t know why... I’ve only been here for 15 minutes and am having more fun than I’ve had in years. Pity crossed her face but she smiled wide again “I’m so happy you’re here!” she yelled. “Here you are,” Hotch said, placing a giant pitcher of water in front of me. There was a tiny umbrella and a straw sticking out of it. I’m assuming the umbrella was Rossi. For the next hour we laughed and talked and it was amazing. The waitress came over and asked if we wanted anything else “Another round, whatever they want, I’ll get it tonight” I told her. Trying not to let the others know. 

“Hey, baby girl, let’s get this,” Morgan said, grabbing Garcia and taking her to the dance floor. “Spence?” JJ asked. “Oh, you know I have two left feet,” He replied. “You’ve had a few drinks, you’re fine,” She said, taking him to the dance floor. They were really rockin out. The band had been covering oldies the few times that they’ve played. Their song just ended and now some other hip-hop song I didn’t know was playing. Everyone was really dancing and goin at it. It was like high school and that 1 time I went to a club. “I can’t believe you got Hotch to come out tonight. Normally once he sets his mind to work, he’s there until he’s done,” Rossi said. I laughed “Oh, David, it was easy. I just told him I wouldn’t save him again if he didn’t come celebrate the fact that I saved him already.” Hotch straightened his face to mimic that of seriousness and nodded. Rossi was delighted “you’ll have to come over either this weekend or before you leave. I like to have people over to cook for.” “David is quite the cook,” Hotch added. “Well, someone better be. I love food,” I said rubbing my chubby belly, “but I never quite got the hang of making it edible for other humans yet.” 

“David Rossi, I knew that was you,” a beautiful Latin woman said walking up to us. They embraced, “Clarina, these are my friends, Aaron and Andy,”. She shook our hands, but had no interest. Her attention was on Rossi. “You beautiful man, you still owe me a drink,” her accented words ran smooth. He smiled at us, “I’ll see you two later.” Then he was gone. Hotch and I exchanged glances and chuckled. 

“Thanks for getting me out tonight. I guess you saved me again,” he said. “Eh, we’re even,” I replied casually. “Dance with me,” I said immediately after. “Ooooh, I don’t think so,” He said. But he had no choice, “I’m a shitty dancer to, come on,” I grabbed his hand. “Don’t worry, our hands are like old friends now,” I added. He laughed, rolled his eyes and gave in. He weakly fought against me as I got him to the dance floor. “Don’t worry about looking stupid, that’s the best part, just do what you want,” I yelled. So, we moved like someone was raping us with a cattle prod. He was actually a lot of fun with a few drinks in him. I honestly didn’t think I'd get him this far. Everyone’s having fun. I saw JJ and Spencer's mouth drop, for the second. “You’re too far, come here,” I said, pulling Hotch closer. “I don’t know much about this, but you’re supposed to dance WITH someone, not apart.” We were very close, holding onto each other's arms in fear that we’d fall over. We had to of looked like two fish out of water trying to help the other. “Is this right, I don’t know,” he yelled. I laughed and shrugged. And we kept dancing. 

Garcia and Spencer danced over to us, “hey. You don’t get to hog this tall, dark haired man of few words, all night!” Garcia joked, dancing her way in between us. I stepped over to Spencer who didn’t know what to do. “Come on, Spence,” I said awkwardly dancing in front of him. He started moving with me. This poor kid seriously didn’t know how to move. That was ok though. I found myself able to see Hotch, he staring at me, we locked eyes for a moment, but I broke it went back to the bad dancing to the Ac/Dc cover that was going on. 

Everyone got another drink and regrouped at the table. “Tonight’s about celebration, right?” I said loudly. Everyone ‘yeah’d’. Ok. I got this. “I’ll be right back,” I said, leaving the table. 

At the bar I found the band, “hey, you guys know Oh, Pretty Woman?” I asked. They all shrugged and nodded. “You want us to play that?” one of them asked. “Well...” it’s now or never I thought, “I was wondering if I can play on stage with you. I can play guitar... and I’m trying to impress someone,” I said. They didn’t look all the eager to help out. So, I went out on a limb “I’m trying to get boned by a certain dude tonight, guys. Help a girl out!” I really wasn’t but I thought since I’m going balls out, I might as well see if these guys would let me live my rock star dream for a moment. “Oh fuck girl, why didn’t you say so? We got you,” Their faces ravaged with perverseness. I love it. 

“I like to hold the intro but after that go into standard tempo,” I said, as we talked the about the set. I glanced over at the table to find Hotch looking this way. Rossi glanced to, probably because Hotch did. “Ok, you ready, we play now,” the lead singer said. I swallowed my nerves and followed them up. I took off my button up shirt and sported my tank top. “you sure you wanna do this?” He asked again. “Fuck yes,” I yelled. We got on stage. While we got set up, I was handed my guitar and played around with the tuning a bit. Truth is, I haven’t touched a guitar in a few years, but I played for a while before that and a lot of people know this song. 

“Most of the time we have a special request for a song, but tonight we have a special guest. Help me welcome Andy on guitar for this next song,” the singer yelled. The audience was hyped, but the yelling I heard was mostly from my table. I can’t see them because the stage is brighter than the dance floor. But I know they’re watching. “Are you ready, baby?” the singer asked. I raised a brow, smirked...and off I went. I held the intro like I wanted... and the rest went pretty well. This was the greatest moment ever. 

The song ended and everyone was screaming. I was shaking and couldn’t stop grinning. “Thank you, Andy, that was a lot of fun. Everyone, give it up for Andy!” the singer yelled. I gave them back the guitar and headed back to the table. “What was that?!” everyone kept asking. “I was so nervous. I guess my epic let's all or nothing speech really got to me. Ha... I’ve always wanted to do that. Oh my God, my hands won't stop shaking,” I managed to get out. My nervous laughter was starting to subside. Thank God. 

“So, are you planning on seeing Virginia at all while you’re here?” Rossi asked. “Probably not. Honestly, unless my mom or sister are with me, I don’t do anything. I got tired of doing everything alone. It’s no fun when you don’t even have a friend to share a memory with,” I ended staring at Hotch. “Like tomorrow, I’ll probably lay around eating and masturbating all day,” I added casually. Rossi blushed. Hotch and him looked at each other, “I told you guys, acquired taste,” I said, gesturing to myself and taking a swig from my water pitcher. “Well, I am an old man and need to go to bed. Thank you for the wonderful evening. You’re really funny, kid. This has been delightful,” Rossi said. He hugged everyone and made his way to the bar. “I’ve gotta get outta here too,” JJ and Spencer added. They said their goodbyes and left. 

A slow song came on over the speakers, “oooh, chocolate thunda, you know that this means,” Garcia said to Morgan, grrring and dragging him to the dance floor once more. They are so funny. I seriously can’t help but laugh when they’re together. “Will you dance with me, I think I can keep rhythm to this one,” Hotch said. I took his hand and we went into the crowd. “I usually lead, so I don’t know how this goes.” I said nervously. I put my hand out and set the other on his shoulder. He followed suit and grabbed my waist. We swayed to the song, Turning our held hands in towards our chests. The song was lovely, I didn’t know it, it was in Spanish, but it was lovely. I was getting tired, but I didn’t want this to end. It was so nice. I laid my head on his chest and we finished the song that way. The next song was slow as well. At some point during this song, I had turned around and Hotch’s arms were around my waist and his head laid on my shoulder. It was very nice, but also very sensual. 

The song ended, and our moment was broken, “We’re getting out of here guys. Andy, thank you for coming out and you aint that bad a dancer, girl. And shreddin up on that stage, damn. Get outside yo box” Morgan laughed. He shook our hands and waited for Garcia. She hugged me and pulled away “Thank you so much for coming out, Andy. You are so welcomed in our group. We’re not perfect either but we’re happy you’re here. And you are soooooo cool. I mean, who does that. It’s like you became a butterfly in like 5 minutes. That was so awesome! Can I send you the video?” Garcia said. “The what??” I questioned. “You know what, I’ll just email it to you,” she added. She hugged me again and they were gone. 

“Well, guess the parties over, huh?” I said, tired. Hotch smiled. The waitress came over to me with the bill, it wasn’t bad. I signed and tipped her 60$, totaling 360$ for the night. “Walk you out to your car?” hotch asked. I shrugged “sure”. We walked out. We stood there awkwardly. Knew nothing was going to happen. This guy is a by the book kind of guy. But this was great. 

“This was great Hotch, thanks for the dances,” I said, fidgeting with my keys. Hotch smiled, “No, Thank you. I haven’t had fun like this in a long while. I haven’t danced since JJ’s wedding 2 years ago. And I think I like it better when you call me Aaron.” 

“Then, Goodnight, Aaron,” I smiled up at him. “Goodnight Andy.” We went our separate ways. “Wait!” I yelled. I walked over to Hotch, “are you ok to drive? I don’t know how many drinks you had.” He looked like he was hiding a smile, “I’m fine. I had 2 drinks the whole night. But thank you. Goodnight.” 

He only had two drinks... That made the night even better. 


	3. Waterfalls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you obey all the rules, you’ll miss all the fun - Katharine Hepburn
> 
> ******* is the beginning and end of anything NSFW for those that aren't interested*******

\------ Saturday ------ 

‘What. The. Fuck.’ I thought, suddenly waking. There was knocking at the door. ‘Who. The. Fuck. Is. That?’ I begrudgingly said to myself. I grabbed the clock on the end table, trying to focus on the time. 9:24 am. Half-awake I crawled out of bed. I didn’t think housekeeping came this early. Jesus, fuck. Without thinking, I just opened the door and there stood before me was a casual wear, Aaron Hotchner. That looks weird. 

“Hotch, what... what are you doing here?” I asked through a confused, groggy brain. “I hope this is ok. But I thought since you hadn’t been to Virginia before, you would allow me to show you around?” Hotch asked very awkwardly. I think he tried to smile.... Oh my God. Hotch is asking me out? Well not like a  _ date  _ date, but he’s so nervous! What is this? Am I in the twilight zone? This is so weird... but I'm so kind of into it. “You’re tired. I should’ve called...” he said, I think realizing that I was asleep when he knocked. “Aaron, I’d love that,” I stopped him. I grabbed his shirt and pulled him into the room, closing the door behind him. The look on his face was priceless. He was flabbergasted. I think he gets as nervous as I do maybe? “Give me a few minutes, I gotta shower. Make yourself at home,” I said casually. It was at this moment; I could see he realized I was just wearing a tank top and undies, he kept his eyes up. He’s a fucking gentleman. How nice.

My shower was quick. Only necessary washing and a quick shave. I hadn’t showered the night before because... well, I liked having his smell on me. I know, I’m such a girl. Haha. 'Ouch... kkkssshh...' I cut myself. That’s what I get for being a creep. 

When I walked out, Hotch was staring at the file box that sits underneath the table by the window, “Almost done,” I said, wrapped in a towel. “That was quick,” he said, startled. “Forgot to grab my clothes,” I added. “So, do you know where you’re taking me?” I asked, going back into the bathroom. “Oh, yes. What are you most interested in? Monuments? Landmarks?” he asked. It’s spring, but doesn’t rain here much, so I’m down for almost anything outside. I’m really excited for this. I have butterflies... “Well, it doesn’t get dark until 7ish. Let’s do all the outside stuff. However,” I stopped, nearly falling over as I struggled with my leggings, “However, lets skip monuments. I don’t much care for _that_ one-sided history.” Looking at my hair I realize I need a cut, badly. My shaved sides are nearly an inch long now. I pinned my bangs back, getting them out of my face. Normally I just comb it to the side, but I’m feeling... cute... I know, that sound’s stupid... but... anyway. “I love landmarks and museums and nature and shit,” I continued, walking out of the bathroom. For a second I thought of a 3rd option since we were both there.... But Naaah.“Shall we?” I asked, sheepishly. And we were on our way. 

It’s really nice out. The sun on my face is so relaxing, refreshing. It's nice not to be heading to a scene... Knock on wood. I let Hotch drive us around since he knows the area. Quantico’s a really small town and there’s not much to see. It’s a marine town for sure. Where Quantico sits, its right on an inlet from the Atlantic Ocean. There's a marina, I thought about maybe seeing if there was a dive shop nearby and doing some scuba diving. I miss Scuba. 

“What a beautiful day for this kind of adventure. Thank you for inviting me" I cooed.” Hotch smiled, “Thank you for doing this with  _ me _ . And thank you for not telling me I'm a creep for showing up at your door unannounced". IIt's unsettling still to see him smile. smiling apparently was infectious, I couldn't help myself “Well, in all fairness, I showed up unannounced first. But you’re always welcome, Aaron. I think we’re friends now.” We both chuckled. 

“Where are we going first?” I asked. We’d been driving for an hour. “I figured since you weren’t really into the war history, I thought we could go on a hike,” He answered. “Okay... but I warn you, I'm slow, mainly due to asthma” I added. “That’s ok, I’m in no hurry,” he replied. The rest of the drive we talked quite a bit actually. We talked about Jack, my Sister and Mom. Where we grew up. 

The trail wasn’t horrible... at first. I pushed through best I could. I think Hotch noticed, because we slowed down a bit. The mountains are similar to home, it makes me miss it. “So, I take it you don’t hike much?” Hotch asked. I shook my head “Not really. I like it, but I have to have a reason for it, I have to enjoy the company, and make sure no one's in a hurry,” I wheezed out. “Uh oh,” he joked. “Awe, don’t worry Aaron, I haven’t asked to leave yet,” I said sheepishly. “Oh, good. I would worry you'd get lost on your way back without me,” he responded. My jaw dropped and I couldn’t stop laughing “Woooow. You made a fucking joke. I wish the team were here to hear that. Ha ha. Woow.” I slugged him in the arm, playfully. Hotch slowed his laughter “I don’t.” We exchanged glances, but I broke it laughing again. “Come on, old man. Let's go,” I said walking faster. “Old man? I’ll show you old man,” Hotch shouted walking past me at a quicker pace. I nearly died, I was laughing so hard that I couldn’t keep up. “Okay, okay...*wheezing and laughing* wait... My little legs can’t... I’m sorry. I'm sorry, come back. Ha ha ha...” I yelled out. He stopped and waited for me. “Having troubles, Andy?” he asked with faux sincerity. Catching my breath and glaring up at him, “I hate you.” I said, unable still, to contain my laughing fit. We continued on once I reached him.

“I want to show you something. It's part of why I wanted to bring you here,” he said, softly. I smiled and followed suit. 

The terrain to wherever he was taking me was rough. After about 15 minutes of this unbeaten path, we came to an opening that revealed a waterfall! It sat across the pool of water that ran off to the side into a river. It was breath taking. I could feel the mist on my skin from where we stood. I was cool and humid. “Come on,” I yelled in uncontainable excitement. Taking his hand, we rushed towards the falls. The closer we got, the louder it got. I dropped Aaron's hand as I looked around for a way behind it. I’ve always wanted to do that, stand behind a waterfall, disappear for a while. I’ve also wanted to make love or fuck behind one too. We all have our fantasies. 

Hotch was yelling something, but I couldn’t hear him, the roar from the falls was to great. Even when he tried speaking into my ear, I still couldn’t hear him. He then took my hand and we walked around a boulder off to the side and underneath the falls. There’s a way behind! He let go as we climbed over a few rocks to get there. 

Behind the waterfall was a little cavern that went nowhere. It was surprising to learn it was easier to hear each other now. “Wow. I’m at a loss for words. This is amazing!” I yelled. I can’t stop smiling. This was truly something I’ve always wanted to do! I also didn’t realize it’d be so cold. I walked up to the Falling water and stuck my hand out. The weight of it was so great. It took a lot of force just to keep my hand there. It was also freezing. 

With my uncontrollable grin, I walked around. The light near the mouth of the Cavern were we stood was already dim and only got darker the further back I went. It was only about 100ft deep but still deep enough to be nearly pitch black by the end. I pulled out my cell phone and turned on the flashlight mode, I wanted to see if anyone had written on the walls or whatever. I followed the wall, heading back towards the mouth of the cavern, only to be startled by Hotch, who was just standing nearby like a creep. “What the fuck!” I gasped. Laughing, as I back handed his stomach gently and continued on. He followed close by.

“This is just... ah! Thank you” I yelled. “You’re welcome,” he replied. “This is the first time I don’t have 1000 thoughts going through my mind all at once. It’s a euphoric feeling,” I added. I closed my eyes and let the mist settle upon my face once again. The rumble of the water drowned out the world. The only thing that could make this moment perfect would be a kiss.

“Would you kiss you me?” I yelled with casual tone, “You don’t have to, but it seems like it would be a waste of a perfect moment...” Then all in one swift motion, his hands were on my waist, pulling me close and his lips were on mine. It felt like electricity, which in this situation is very dangerous. I can’t remember the last time someone kissed me and had it feel like this. I don’t know if it was the scenery or what, but I don’t care. I went from cold to overheated within seconds. Our lips opened and it turned into a French kiss, wow. 

Throwing my arms around his neck, I pulled him closer. Forcing my fingers into his hair, avoiding his healing wound. Hotch let out a quick, yet very auditable moan. I felt it and it nearly knocked me off my feet. Oh fuck, I’m losing my mind. I want him right here and now. How's this happening? Don’t let it end, please God, please, don’t let this end. We pulled away from one another, our foreheads together, both still breathing heavily. We hovered the others mouth, contemplating doing it again, wanting to experience  _ that _ again. I started to laugh, still trying to catch my breath, in which Hotch joined me. “Thanks. Ha ha,” I yelled out. He only laughed harder.

We hiked for a while longer, finding another water source. This time a stream. It was a beautiful stream. It ran along the top of these flat, smooth rocks, almost like those homemade water fixtures rich people have. It seemed like it went on forever. But that was perfect. I was really enjoying the company and the longer this lasted, the better. 

We talked about Movies for what seemed like forever. Turns out that's one thing we really have in common. And our favorite movies! Crime thriller and Horror. “People always find it so odd that because of what I do, what we do, that my favorite films are Horror and crime,” I said. “Yeah, if you think about it, it is kind of weird," He replied. “Well, yeah. But I like watching them just to laugh at the unbelievable inaccuracies. I also just love me a good horror movie,” I ended. 

“Man, if I knew it wouldn’t hurt, I’d water slide the crap out of this,” gesturing to the stream. Hotch smiled “That would be fun, wouldn’t it? The ending wouldn’t be that great though”. I looked at him confused. “Oh, there’s a 100ft drop at the end of this. That’s why we’re on this side, the trail’s right over there,” he said pointing off into the distance. 

After about 2 more hours, we returned to the car. I'm so tired. We'd been out for 5ish hours. I'm starving and my feet hurt. But it was so worth it. I hadn’t seen something so innocent and pure in so long. And I now have a new memory that isn’t terrible. We got into the SUV and started driving. “Where to now?” I inquired. “Are you hungry?” Hotch asked. “Fuck yes, starving,” I nearly shouted. “Do you like pizza?” he smirked. I gave him the most “are you fucking serious” look I’d ever given anybody. He chuckled “I take that as a yes. I know where we can go. It’s right next to this Ice Cream Parlor that makes all their own Ice Cream”. “That’s one foot massage away from heaven,” I smiled. 

Pizza’s amazing and greasy and cheesy and greasy and... did I mention Cheesy? “Did angels make this?” I gasped shoving more into my face. “I think so,” Hotch replied, joining me in the act. The Ice cream was just as heavenly, today has been so perfect. Conversation comes so easily him. I almost forgot that my world is full of serial killers. For a few hours I’m just a girl, hanging out with a boy, shoving homemade, thick turned Ice cream in my face as we walked around some more. “I’m a lot different when I’m actually talking, huh?” I grinned. “Yes. I like this you. You are very... you,” Hotch replied. “You too,” I threw back. 

It started getting cold so we made our way back to Quantico. “Do you mind if I put some music on, maybe some easy listening?” I asked. Hotch nodded quickly, “Please do.” I tethered my phone to the car and hit my easy listening play list. The first song was “Bartender” by Dave Mathews. “I wasn’t expecting that. I like Dave Mathews as well,” Hotch spoke up. We didn’t say much on the ride back, just listened to music. Carlos Santana played. Matchbox 20. Melissa Etheridge...then... “What is that? Is that...is that Nickelback?” Hotch asked surprised. I stared him dead In the eyes, trying to hold back the biggest laugh I'd have today, “fuck you, I love them.” I snapped, playfully. “I know I said I was surprised by your playlist so far, but I can truly say I never would have expected that. Ever.” He laughed out. I believe it was a belly laugh. I busted out too. “I really do love them. I don’t care what anyone says,” I let out. He was nearly dying, gasping for air. “No, you’re allowed to listen to whomever you want too, it’s not bad. I’ll admit, I like a few of their songs. I just...” He couldn’t finish, he was laughing so hard. I rolled my eyes and looked out the window. Muffling my own laughter. “Oh, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to...” he started, nearly sounding sincere. I turned back, my face reddened and riddled with laughter. We listened to just Nickelback on the rest of the way back. 

We pulled up to my hotel and parked. “Hey, what are you doing the rest of the night, its only 630. If you’re not doing anything, you wanna come up and watch some movies? If we get hungry, we can order in.” I asked innocently. I truly just wanted to hang out. “I would like that,” he answered. “I warn you, I’m a night owl. And I never feel like anyone is over staying their welcome. Don’t be afraid to leave. Haha" I added. “Understood,” Hotch replied. 

“Aaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh” I sighed, kicking off my shoes as soon as we entered the room. My leggings went next. I like that he doesn’t give me the pervert vibe. He really is a real gentleman. That's a very attractive quality.

“As I said earlier, make yourself comfortable, I’ll be right back.” I spoke, walking into the bathroom. I peed, then brushed my teeth and removed my bra. “Aahhh” I sighed again. I walked out to find Hotch still standing like a weirdo in the middle of the room. “What are you doing?” I asked jokingly as I grabbeb his hands and walked towards the couch. “Sit. Are you hungry? I actually have some fruit and cheese... filtered tap water... cause I’m a weirdo that doesn’t drink soda...” 

“I’m ok for now, thank you,” Hotch answered. I grabbed the fruit and cheese anyway, because I’ll eat that, then the comforter off the bed. “Aahh, are you ready?” I asked, sitting and grabbing the remote. “Horror? Crime? Porn? Thriller?” I asked. He raised his brows at the mention of porn. I wonder if he thought I was being serious. “Have you seen the Devils Advocate?” I asked. “It’s one of my favorites,” He replied. “Would you like to watch that or something we can laugh at? I mean, if you’re not in a hurry, we could do both?” I returned. Hotch looked as if he was thinking and then finally came to a conclusion, “I guess we can do that. It is Saturday night after all.”  This is hands down one of my favorite movies. The down side to that you might ask? I know every word... and I know that it’s rather annoying to have someone speak the lines.... so I mouth them. I find everyone in this film to be perfectly cast. 

I sat next to Hotch, we weren’t touching, just sitting and snacking a bit. God, he just looks so stiff. He’s sitting up straight, hands in his lap and feet on the floor. Just...uncomfortable. “OH! Before we start, let me see your head real quick, I just want to check it out, make sure its clean, ok,” I blurted out. I didn't really give him a choice. I grabbed his head and looked at it. "Does this hurt?" I asked, pressing around the wound. "No, that feels fine, actually," he answered, staring into my eyes as I looked at his stitches. I hate when people do that when you're close. It's so.. intruding. We resettled, started the movie and watched. 

When the movie ended, I went to the restroom to pee. Its only 9, I hope he doesn’t want to leave yet, this has been a beautiful day. I know it’s said that you should never have too much of a good thing, but... I’ll be gone in 2 weeks... So why not let my hair down, figuratively speaking of course. For the first time...

“What’d you find to watch next?” I asked, returning to the couch and sitting. “I hadn’t looked. I was waiting for you,” Hotch replied. “Oh! Ok. Well, let’s just see what's new, shall we?” I playfully responded. We found a new crime thriller neither of us had seen yet, perfect. I moved closer to him, snuggling into his side. I pulled his arm around me and settled in. “Is this ok?” I cooed. With the sweetest smile and softest look, Hotch glanced down at me and answered “yes.” 

We laughed through the entire movie. Commenting on the things that would never happen, could never happen. It’s wonderful to do this with someone who understood. Hotch is actually really funny. Shy, but he has humor and sarcasm. It suits him. Dry humor, stone face, monotone voice, hell yeah. I wanted to kiss him very badly...

It was now almost 11. The movie was over. We spent the next 30 minutes eating pizza, laughing and conversing about what we just watched. “How ridiculous, and that was supposed to be a serious drama? People are gonna sign up for the FBI and think that’s how it really goes,” I shouted, laughing uncontrollably. “Well, they’re in for a surprise,” Hotch responded. 

“What are you doing tomorrow?” I asked, getting the fruit and left over pizza into the fridge. Hotch stood in the door way of the kitchen, “I’m going in for a few hours to work on some more paperwork,” he said. I nodded smiling “Lame”. “Yes, that would be an accurate description,” he laughed. “Had I not been guilted out of my office last night, I would be at least half way done by now,” he added sarcastically. Oh my God, he’s being sassy. “You got another movie in ya? Or do you wanna run home and be even lamer?” I with serious tone. 

We had migrated back into the living room. I threw the comforter back onto the bed and waited for his answer. “I want to, but I shouldn’t if I'm going to work tomorrow. And... that couch isn’t that comfortable, ha ha,” He said with regret, sadness hiding behind his laughter. “Say no more!” I yelled. I turned and jumped onto the bed “There’s a TV right here too, and it’s waaaay more comfortable than that thing... Come on Hotch!” I beckoned. I flopped myself around in strange positions trying to get him to laugh. It was working, he was trying to fight it, but I could see the smile forming at the corner of his lips. I shimmied over to him, grabbed his hand. “Live a little, Aaron. I promise I won't take advantage of you if that's what you're worried about,” I said. I got close to him and stared up with puppy dog eyes “unless you want me too...” I tried to maintain my attempt at a being sultry, but I broke and laughed. 

Hotch crawled onto the bed and laid behind me as I turned to my side. We found another movie to watch, Jurassic Park, as he held me. He’s so thin, I can feel his heartbeat in my back. And yes, I mean his heartbeat, perverts. He’s so tall compared to my 5’6 self. His head sits above mine. I like it. The last thing I remember seeing was Muldoon setting up his Franchi SPAS-12 shotgun “Clever Girl”. Then screaming.

I never sleep well while being touched; this time was no different. I woke up a few hours later, it’s 3am. I nearly forgot he was here. Hotch was still holding me. I have to pee so bad, but I don’t wanna move... I tried to slip out slowly, without waking him. It worked. Phew, ok. 

I crawled back into bed as gently as I could without waking him, but that failed, “are you ok?” He asked, sleepy confused eyes looking at me. “Yeah, had to pee... shh. Go back to sleep,” I whispered laying down. “Oh my God. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I should get going,” he said, half awake and apologetic. I reached out and softly griped arm. “Aaron, its late. Just stay. There’s enough room here" I offered. It looked like he was really thinking about it. Maybe the reality of what we were doing was setting in. But really, we’re coworkers, we are allowed to hang out outside of work. It’s not like were fucking. “But I warn you, if you stay, you have to get comfortable. I’m taking off my shorts," I added. He chuckled and nodded. He kicked off his shorts, revealing his boxers, eh. At the same time, I kicked off mine.

He rolled back over and snuggled up with me. The next random movie was playing in the background. “Oh!” I said, rolling over to find the remote. I turned off the TV and rolled back trying to settle in. I opened my eyes to see Hotch staring at me. Gazing really. His face was unreadable as usual. I smiled sweetly and went to close my eyes again, but was interrupted with pressing of lips on mine. Yes. I honestly didn’t think it’d go this way. I sleep with people all the time that I don’t have sex with. I thought this wouldn’t be different, but at this moment, I'm glad I was wrong and I get my second kiss. Oh, it’s so good. Instant turn on. But I suppose, even if it were innocent, we’d been working up to this all day. There’s clearly an attraction, why fight it? 

I kissed him back, hard. Our fingers were in each others hair, gripping tightly. I did everything I could to avoid his wound, I don’t want to hurt him. Hotch rolled me onto my back while he continued kissing me. It’s been so long since I’ve had someone above me and even more so, someone I’m totally attracted too. He’s handsome and smart, a good Dad and a good person. Fuck. He stopped, breathing heavily. Barely touching my lips. “We shouldn’t be... It’s not allowed...” he breathlessly try to say. There was no way he was getting out of this. That wasn’t happening. We pulled each other close again, unstoppable this time. He went to my neck, kissing, biting and licking on his way down to the collar bone. “No Hickys,” I barely managed out. He came back up to my face “I wouldn’t dream of it,” he said, right before taking my mouth into a kiss again. Tongues and lips fighting each other, but in perfect unison. It’s like he’s my kissing soulmate. It’s never been so easy. 

****Oh! Hotch pushed my leg off of him and ran his fingers down my inner thigh. Holy Hell, I can hardly take it. He’s kissing me, which is out of this world, and he’s tickling me, but in that way that makes you wanna fuck, hard and right now. My nether region's hot and throbbing. Aching for attention and penetration. Between kisses and breathing, he asked “is this ok?” stopping right on the outside of my undies. Nodding, I forced out a “yes”, returning to his mouth once more. Kissing is my favorite thing. Over anything. You can be totally hot, but if kissing you is horrible, I can’t enjoy sex with you either. 

He ran his finger up and down gently, teasing my lady parts. He’s barely touching me and it feels exquisite. ‘Fuck me, put it in me, fuck me’ my mind keeps yelling. But truly, I want this to draw out as long as it can. “Please...” I begged, my voice strained and quivering. He pushed aside my undies and slid 1 finger in. A wave of heat rushed over my body. My cheeks were so hot and my eyes were glossy. The arousal is so intense. My breath hitched as he moved, sliding in and out of me. Taking the wetness my inside me and rubbing the outside. He’s so gentle though. I’m in disbelief. “AH! Oh my fuck” I nearly yelled, “please...Aaron...don’t stop...please” I begged again, barely breathing. He found THE spot. The 2nd one men don’t know, but pretend they know everything about. I’m gonna lose myself. He’s relentless and not giving up. His arm is a motor right now. I can’t breathe. We’re trying to kiss, but I can’t...What is this...I’ve never with another...no one’s every really tried....”Aaron, I...oh....oh...” I aimlessly said. My back arched, I grabbed him and the bed so tightly, I thought I may break my fingers. Hotch pulled away from my face and watched as I came so incredibly that I actually let out what was nearly a scream. He continued moving his finger inside until I came down from my climax. 

I was inaudible. Hotch immediately kissed me again. I was doing my best to recover from the intense explosion I just experienced. He climbed in between my legs, yes... I tried to push his underwear down, he helped. Unbreaking our kissing, we both managed to get completely naked. Hotch paused, alert in his face, “Do you have a condom? I wasn’t... I haven’t...” he stumbled. “Birth control, we’re good," I quickly spouted. He smiled, kissed me again and pushed himself into me. It's so sensitive in there and he’s so filling. He grunted into my ear, nearly buckling over “Fuck....You’re so... you feel so good...” He started rocking his hips, he feels so huge. I don’t if it’s because I’m so sensitive right now or because I’m so incredibly turned on that a pencil would feel like a semi-truck. Either way, my eyes feel like they’re gonna pop out. I can’t stop kissing and biting his forearms, FUCK he’s so delicious. 

He’s staring into my eyes. Why is he staring at me like that? Don’t... “Roll over with me,” I got out. We clumsily rolled him to his back. He laughed for a moment, as I got back onto him. I lowered myself down and heard him sigh. I started moving up and down, rolling my hips. How does this feel so good? Nothing hurts. Nothings gone wrong. How is this real? “You gotta... slow... I’m not gonna... be able to last much longer,” Hotch tried to warn, his eyes glossed and rolling to the back of his head. I leaned forward as I continued the rocking motion. “Aaron, your cock is amazing,” I stumbled out. “It’s you, your pussy... it grips so tightly... you’re so wet,” he replied back. Hotch nearly launched forward, taking my breast in his mouth, sucking and running his tongue over my nipple. With his free hand, running a finger in a circular motion over the other nipple. “AH!” I was forced to make. I wrapped my arms around his head; now holding each other as we rocked. 

Hotch forced his face upward from my grip, “Look at me, Andy... please...” he begged through hoarse voice. What, that’s too intimate... No... “Please,” he begged again. I forced myself to stare at this beautiful man at currently sat on. It was hard but I did it. He grabbed me tighter than he’d had through this entire event. I rocked him through his orgasm. He stared into my eyes through staggered breath and moaning. And forcing me into a kiss once again as he reached his peak. We slowed and then stopped. Still inside me; we stared at one another, trying to catch our breath. Then out of nowhere we began to giggle. I placed my hands on his head and we kissed once more. ********** 

Flopping back onto the bed, breathing heavily still and smiling, Hotch rolled onto me and laid his head on my small chest. He’s a real cuddle bug. How does he not read like this in the real world? I really need a shower...but I don’t want to move. I ran my fingers through his hair as we laid there. “Mmm,” he moaned. “I admit, it's better this time around, no blood,” I jested. Hotch Chuckled and squeezed me tighter. He pushed himself up slightly and hovered over me. “You have bewitched me somehow, and I won’t question it. It’s amazing to me that you’ve never been married,” he said. He’s real smooth, in a Hotch kind of way. Ha. “Just never got that far. And anyone that wanted to marry me... I wouldn’t if I was given a yearly allowance of 1 billion dollars. I have my reasons,” I smiled. We laid there for a few minutes more until I couldn’t take it anymore. “I really, really, hate to break this moment, because it’s...mmmm...but I really need to pee and clean up...,” I said as softly as I could. “Oh, yes. Of course,” He said rolling off me. I got up and walked to the bathroom. “You wanna join me?... in the shower, after I pee in the...yeah...” that was not as smooth as I’d hoped. 

An amazing pair of arms wrapped themselves around me as the hot water poured over us. I turned to meet his face. There was more making out and touching. As we washed each other, I saw them. All the scars... knives...bullets. I didn’t seem them before because I was a little more focus on something else, but I see them now. I have scars too, but not like this. This job is literally killing this man, yet he goes back for more. I pushed it from my mind, this is a happy time. 

We spent the rest of the shower laughing, talking... No sex, because that hurts in the water. But this, this is spectacular. I’ve been missing out for so long. I hate that he looks at me like I’m special to him. I hate when they do that... cause that look is how they get us, even the smartest of us. I’m so Fucked. 

\---------- Sunday ---------- 

I woke slowly, really needing to pee. I rubbed my eyes and yawned. Finally opening my eyes to see a sleeping Hotch. I almost forgot he was here, again. He's so beautiful. But now he wasn’t sleeping, he was staring at me. Great, he probably heard me fart. I stretched again and smiled. “hey,” he said, with a soft, somewhat sleepy smile. “Hey,” I said back. He kissed me, despite our morning breath. It wasn’t that bad actually. It was a deep quick kiss anyway. “I really need to pee, I’ll be right back,” I whispered. I rolled outta bed and hurried to the bathroom. 

“Brrr. Why's it so cold!?” I asked, crawling back into bed. I snuggled into open arms and instantly forgot I was cold. “I hate to have to tell you this,” Hotch started. I don’t know why but I absolutely dread what comes next. I waited for him to finish his words before saying anything. I knew it couldn’t last, but that’s ok. “I need to go into work for a while today so I’m not stuck there all week after work" he finished. “Of course!” I replied. That is our life, I’m glad it was that though. I’d rather it just not happen again instead of being told it won't. Eh, actually I’d rather know. “I’d rather stay in bed with you all day, just know that,” he added, followed by a kiss on the forehead and a squeeze. “Will you grab breakfast with me though?” he asked. “Yeah, sounds good” I answered...the butterflies still there. 

Breakfast was yum. Hotch took me to a different diner this time, one not near work. Hotch, nor does anyone else, live near the facility. They all live between 20 and 45 minutes away. I’m staying about 10 minutes away. There isn’t much in Quantico, a few diners, restaurants, bars. A movie theater. Bowling alley. If you want to do anything fun, you gotta go about 20 minutes out. Hotch lives on the edge of Quantico, where there are more family neighborhoods and nicer apartments. Whereas the closer you get to the small town, it’s older and not as kept up. 

We talked about work for a while. I find it fascinating that he doesn’t ask about the box under the table, I’ve seen him look at it several times. He did ask about some of my experiences. He’s not one to give negative feedback on people he’s worked with, however... if I’ve worked with someone he’s worked with and he didn’t quite like them all that much, he puts effort into not giving it away. He has mastered that Hotch look. “I never told you. On the Henry cause, watching you work that was, without the lack of a better word, beyond arousing. And! Before you say anything, I don’t just mean sexually.” He stopped eating and focused intently on me. I continued “You have this presence that says there’s no breaking you. We all have our things, our ways of getting someone to break, the stone face. But you, you make it look too easy. And I should know, it’s not. Watching you do that was just.... astounding, Aaron.” I finished. He was doing the face now and he took a moment before replying. “Thank you. I have to say, I never heard it be described as “Arousing” before,” he ending in a smirk. “Side effects of the job I guess,” I retorted. 

Hotch drove me back to the hotel, and before I got out, we kissed again. We can’t help ourselves. “Ok,” I said, breathy and trying to avoid that fact that I have to go. Or that he’s the one that has to go. “Ok,” He said. We kissed again then parted. “Have fun reading and signing things, or whatever it is you do in there,” I joked. We laughed...kissed one more time and said goodbye. 

I got to my room and locked myself in. “Hey mama,” I said into my phone. “You wanna come out this week for a few days? Like, Thursday thru Sunday?” I asked her. We made the plans and I booked her flights and a room. I will not share a room with that woman. 

I sat down on the couch and sighed. ‘Now what to do?’ I asked myself. I pulled out my laptop and searched for new deaths in 3’s. I wonder if Garcia would be able to help me with this... I mean, she’s got all that tech... Or maybe even Kevin Lynch. 

“Hey, Garcia... Penelope, what’re you doing? You have some time to hang out for a bit today?” I asked over the phone. She was so excited to hear from me. “Kevin and I are having lunch, do you wanna come join us? We can hang out afterwards too if you want. Sam won’t be over till later.” she said. 

I drove out to café they were eating at, I noticed at the stop light that I smell like Hotch...I’m glad I didn’t shower again this morning. Garcia waved me down as I entered. Kevin was nervous for a few minutes, but calmed down as I settled in. "Did you want to get something?” Kevin asked. “Oh, no. I already ate this morning,” I replied. They were nearly done anyway. “Well, I’m so glad you called! I called yesterday to see if you wanted to hang out last night,” she said. I looked at my phone to see that I indeed did have a missed call from her. “I’m sorry, I was busy all day and I don’t know how I missed seeing your call,” I replied. Apologetically. “I swear I wasn’t ignoring you; I just didn’t get it. I was hiking, maybe that’s what happened?” I added. “Oh! How fun! Did you go alone?” she asked all of a sudden concerned. “Uh, with a friend. It was awesome, there was a waterfall. Anyway, I was hoping I could ask you guys something” I changed subject. “Oh, sure. What’s up?” Kevin asked.  “Well, with all the tech you guys have at the BAU, I thought you might be able to help me with a side project. It’s just something I’ve been working on for a few years and I just like to check into it every now and then to see if something new comes up, but I’m limited... Do you think you’d be able to help me? But keep it under the radar. I don’t need anyone getting to trouble for working on non-active cases or... hunches,” I laughed nervously. 

Kevin smiled devilishly and glanced at Penelope who also had a very devilish smile “my real life Captain Marvel, you have no idea” she said.

Her apartment is purple and I love it. “Your place is amazing. Reminds me of mine, minus the purple. Landlord says no color. So, I cover my walls in collectibles and movies posters” I said taking in everything in sight. “There was an incident a while back with my personal computer and the BAU computer, so I’ve had to take extra measures and security to keep it safe. I have access to everything though. Just tell me what you need,” Garica said focusing on her laptop.

I went through the parameters, women kidnapped in the same day or within a day of the first one. Same town/city. Also murdered in 3’s. Whether they were found together or separately. All drowned. “Ok, I have everything. It may take a while to find all of them, but it’s a start! I hope I can help,” she said. “Thank you. You don’t know what this means...” I sighed in relief.

We sat there for an awkward moment until Garcia broke the silence. “So, Friday night was fun, right?” She asked, suspiciously. I casually nodded and replied “yeah”. She was smiling quite big, It was almost unsettling. “I hope we can do it again before I have to move on,” I added. She perked up, “Yes! We totally will! And maybe we can get the almighty hermit, that is SSA Hotchner, out again. I can’t believe you got him to dance! In all the years I’ve known him I’ve seen him dance like... maybe 3 times. And they were weddings or a formal dinner party thrown by the governor”. “Oh wow, but in all fairness, it was the first time I’d been out in... 4 years? Something like that. I think someone of us just forget there’s life outside of murder and mayhem,” I offered. 

We only had a few hours before Sam would show up. So, we talked for a while about Sam and how someone like her came to work for the bureau. That’s a fun story. She told me a few stories about the team, all embarrassing stuff of course. We were laughing so hard and talking so much, I nearly forgot where I was and almost told her it was Hotch yesterday at the falls, when she brought it up again.  “So, was it a date that you went on? On your hike to the waterfall? How romantic. Where’d you go?” She asked, more excitedly than she should be. I didn’t know what to say, she was so fast and so excited. Part of me wanted to tell her about Hotch... but we can’t.... “Oh, no... ha ha. I got a friendly kiss out of it though, first one in... 5ish years? That I actually wanted anyway...” “OMG! AH! I love kissing. Was it at least a good one?” she yelled, cutting me off. ”Uh... yeah. It was. And you’re right, the waterfall scene is romantic and it would have felt like a waste of a moment without one. But, no, not a date. I don’t know the name either, it was like Old...something or whatever. He just drove us there, cause I don’t know the area” I answered, without lying or giving anything up. This isn’t the kind of talk I’m used to, girl talk... Funny thing though, guys talk like this too, it’s not always work and dumb shit. I should know, I've mainly worked with men. I admit, it feels good to kind of say something. It was a very exciting thing for me. I shouldn’t have to hide it. Or be ashamed or whatever. But I find that I also can’t stop smiling about it. 

She told me that Kevin would be down to go on a date with me, but I politely passed. Haha. He had his chance but was honest and told me he’s taken. Though apparently, he’s only been seeing this woman a few weeks and was scared and extremely caught off guard when I asked him out. I hate the thing people say about forward women, how men don’t want them, fuck that. If you know what you want, why would you keep it to yourself and hope the dude or whomever, knows what the fuck you want?  Speaking of... Why is Hotch calling? I looked at Garcia's phone on the table to find it wasn’t going off. “Is everything ok?” she asked, as I stared at my phone confused. “I’m sure it’s fine,” I replied. I answered the phone “Hey there,” I said answering. “Hello. I am leaving work now and was wondering what you might be doing this evening?” Hotch asked. I tried to hide the giant smile on my face, I hope he couldn’t hear it in my voice, “I’m just finishing up with my friend, Penelope,” I said, glancing up at her Cheshire cat smile. “Did you want to meet up?” I asked, trying to maintain composure. “Yes. Have you eaten?” He inquired. I could hear a smile in his voice... yes. “No, I haven’t” I answered. “Good, would you like to meet me Mandi’s Bar and Grill?” he threw out. I had no idea where that was, but whatever, I have Google. “Yeah, sure. When?” I replied. “1 hour?” he stated. “Sounds good, see ya soon,” I said. We said our goodbyes and hung up. 

“I gotta go,” I rushed standing up. “Oh! Your “friend” wants to hang out tonight, hhmm?” she said teasingly. “We’re just getting dinner,” I said, putting my shoes back on. “Oh yeah? I hope you have the best kind of dessert,” she said in the naughtiest tone. I smiled and shook my head, “Thanks again for your help and hanging out with me”. “Don’t you ever thank me for hanging out! Thank you for reaching out! Come here!” She said, embracing me. Ok, we’re hugging again... it’s not as bad this time. I hugged her back and rushed out, almost knocking over some dude just outside the door. “Oh! Sam! Andy, this is Sam! Sam, Andy, Agent Kolby,” she introduced. “Oh, hey. Good to meet you, have fun. Gotta go. BYYYEe” I shouted, walking down the hall. “She was just asked out on a date,” I heard Garcia tell Sam. “It’s not a date!” I yelled back, walking out the building door. I heard laughter. 

“Damn it!” I seethed, cutting myself with the razor again. I think it’s just time for a new one. I’m only doing this... just in case... cause I’m nice like that.

This place is dark. There's nice booths and tables laid out; candles sit at the center of them. The music is calm, not quite jazz, but easy listening for sure. I think Eric Clapton is playing? I don’t see him. Hotch I mean. I stood at the bar, shot Hotch a text that I had arrived. This place is on the outskirts of town, figured less risk of running into someone we work with. Bartender asked what I wanted, so I ordered a water. Yeah, it’s Eric Clapton, Tears in Heaven. I love this song. It's so sad though. I started humming along when my water was brought to me. “Sorry, I don’t think they play Nickelback here,” he whispered into my ear. Startled, I turned to meet the smile of Hotch. “Oh shoot, sorry, Hotch, I need to leave. Bye...” I joked, walking past him. He grabbed my arm, pulled me close and kissed me. What is he doing?! What if someone saw us!? “Are you really going to leave?” He asked. I bit my lip and then smiled, “No, I just ordered my water... That’d be rude.” We laughed and took our drinks to a booth in the corner. 

We talked about what he did at work today, it’s insane the amount he has to do, even with Morgan's help. But he did say he got caught up. I mentioned my mother and sister were coming to town at the end of the week, but they were staying in their own room, cause... mom and I don’t mix in personal space. “That sounds nice. When was the last time you saw them?” he asked. It’d been about a month or so. I feel bad because I love them so much, especially my sister. She’s gonna be a teen soon and won't want anything to do with me, and I hate it already. Ha 

“I’ll be right back,” he said and left the table. I checked my phone, as I munched on my fries. Nothing new in there. A few texts from a buddy back home. Text from my sister about a game she’s playing. Oh, a text from Garcia “how’s dessert lookin, Cutie Queen?!” If she only knew... 

Oh! I love this song, it’s technically not a Nickelback song, but it’s Chad, NB lead singer, singing with Carlos Santana, ‘Why don’t you and I...?’ I couldn’t help but laugh and wish Hotch was here so that I could laugh at him rolling his eyes. “Would you dance with me?” his voice came from beside me, his hand reached out. I took it and we swayed in this nearly empty joint. It was so simple and it felt like Heaven letting me in. We spent the next few songs swaying together and staring into each other's eyes. Sharing kisses and smiles. If love at first sight were real, this is what I assume it would be like. 

We finished up our dinner and called it a night. “My place or yours?” asked in between kisses as we made out in his SUV. “You’re... closer” He managed to speak. Hands we're going everywhere, me still trying to avoid is healing wound. “Ok, let’s go. I’ll meet you there...” I strained, forcing myself to pull away.

We nearly crashed through the hotel room door. Pawing at each other like there was no tomorrow. Maybe there wasn’t... After all, we go back to the real world tomorrow. Tonight then, I’m gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you. 

********We ripped each other’s clothes off, revealing completely naked and aroused bodies. With breathy desire I let out “Fuck, you’re so hot,” as he kissed my neck. “You’re so damned beautiful, Andy” He said before taking my mouth with his again. I managed to turned him around and back him into the bed, pushing him onto it. Shock struck his face. I climbed onto him, kissing and touching his lean body as we slowly fell back onto the bed. I left his mouth and went down neck to his chest. Hotch ran his fingers through my hair as I continued. Mmmm... I licked his stomach and went up to his nipple, flicking it with my tongue, eliciting a delicious moan from Him. At the same time, I ran my hand along his aching erection. He twitched below me. He must feel like he’s dying. I moved down further. Finally gripping his cock with my hand and lowering my mouth, taking him in. “AH!” his breath hitched and body jerking at the feeling of my hot mouth.

I moved up and down, licking the underside and sucking as I went. My free hand grasping his ass and whatever else I can. Fuck this is so hot. Hotch keeps trying to look at me, he’s so weird. But I'm kind of into it.

‘Wait, what’s going on?!’ Hotch had stopped me, picked me up and threw onto to the bed. I’m stunned. He was down on me, licking the most happiest of places and sliding 2 fingers in and out of me. “My...God! Hotch...” I shouted. Knowing damn well he likes it when I call him Aaron. I’ve had this done many times before, but honestly it never felt good, usually hurt. But Hotch, he knows what’s he’s doing. I can’t... I can’t... The wave of desire’s flooding me. I want him so badly. I want his body on me, and his raging Cock inside. “Aah....hmm...” I let out, “Fuck!” he’s not stopping. What an Angel. I grabbed him and kissed him hard, he flipped me over and shoved himself inside me. Forcing me onto my knees, he grabbed my hip with one hand and my neck with the other. Pounding into me as hard as he could, he was relentless and unforgiving with it. “Kiss me,” he commanded. I turned my head and met his hungry lips and tongue. The pressure inside was too much, I could hardly keep my eyes open or my body going. Every thrust forced a noise from me. And with staggered breath, he thrust once more.******** 

The rest of the night was filled with holding... kissing and a little more... Dessert.

I hate that tomorrow is going to come too soon. 


	4. Only eyes for you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sometimes life has a cruel sense of humor, giving you the thing you always wanted at the worst time possible.” ― Lisa Kleypas

\----------- Monday ----------

“mmm... ugh, is it the morning already?” I muttered, waking to a kiss. “Yes, and sadly I must leave. I’ll see you at work,” He said, then rolled out of bed. While he got dressed, I toyed with him a little, grabbing his pants after he got them on. “We could just call out. Maybe the bad guys’ll take a day off,” I joked, drawing him into kisses. “I doubt we would be so lucky,” he said kissing me once more. I got up and walked towards the bathroom, “Alrighty, see ya in bit a, sir” I said, laced with sarcasm. I didn’t turn to see what his face looked like, but I assume he didn’t know what to do with that. I just jumped into the shower. “Bye, Agent Kolby,” he said, pulling back the curtain and giving me one last big kiss. 

Monday morning meeting. Hotch wasn’t in his office when I walked by with my muffin and coffee. “Good Morning, Agent Kolby,” Rossi let out as he walked up next to me. “Good morning, Agent Rossi,” I smiled. “Did you have a good weekend?” he asked. “It was ok,” I smirked. 

“Good morning my lovely’s,” Garcia exuberantly said as she entered the room “You’re going to Maine". She continued to tell us about the case. 7 murders in a town of 12k. “I hate to say it, but that’s not that unusual,” Morgan chimed in. “It is when they all went happened in the past 2 months,” She retorted. Their deaths were in order in which they were abducted. It’s a mix, women and men. Different ages. Grew up all in the same town, different background types. Nothing seems to connect them directly. “It’s unclear right now if anyone is missing since the last body was found this morning,” Garcia stated. “Wheels up in 30,” Hotch ordered, walking into the room. “Garcia, you’re coming with us, have Kevin take over here,” He added. She did not look pleased... Garcia is not one to be out of her element. 

We didn’t have much to go on, which is why we’re bringing Garcia along. A few theories were thrown around as usual, but nothing concrete until we land. “What’d you do this weekend, Reid?” Morgan asked, throwing his arm around Garcia. “I went to JJ’s Saturday, and read most of yesterday. Speaking of JJ, where is she?” He asked. “JJ and Cruz have been called away. She'll join us at a later time,” Hotch answered. “What’d you do, Hotch,” Morgan asked. “Wait! Let me guess... You were in the office most of the weekend,” Rossi piped up. His face unchanging, “Would you be surprised to learn I went hiking up at Old Henry Base?” he asked. I looked up from the file I was reading, then immediately looked to Garcia who nearly screamed “OH!” as She frantically glanced back and forth between Hotch and I, then avoiding eye contact all together, while standing up quickly. “Are you ok, Penelope?” I asked concerned. “Uh, yeah. Uh huh... Excuse me a moment” she said and disappeared into the back of the plane somewhere. Morgan, Reid and I exchanged confused looks. “It’s not like he said he went to the beach,” Reid joked. Everyone busted out laughing, including myself. 

Surprisingly it’s really easy to act like nothing's happened. That Hotch and I didn’t spend the weekend together. That we don’t have a crazy physical connection and that we find each other's company quite exhilarating. 

Morgan got up and went after Garcia. “I really couldn’t imagine that. Hotch at the beach... what would that even look like?” I accidently said out loud. I’ve seen the man in shorts and a tee. I’ve seen him naked... but the idea of his pasty ass at the beach? “Weird...” Rossi and Reid spoke in unison. “You think he’d wear a suit? Or like a swimsuit version of a suit?” I added. “I am right here, you could just ask me” Hotch stated from across the walk way. “Nah, this is more fun,” Rossi jested. 

We finally landed in York, Maine. It’s very quaint. A harbor town, charming buildings and homes. We checked into one of the hotels, that too is very charming. Everyone gets their own rooms which is much appreciated. We were there to drop off and go. 

The police station isn’t that small though, however it’s a good thing we brought Garcia along. Who, might I add, is still acting somewhat weirded out. I’m not a mind reader, but I think she connected the dots. If she did, she isn’t saying anything. 

“Captain Riker,” Hotch said entering the Captains office. We just kind of stand around until we’re told where to go. “You and your people are welcome to use anything we have available, you may set up over here,” she lead the way. “I’m really sorry, we don’t have much to go on. Would you guys like to see some of the crime scenes? Would that help?” Captain Riker asked. “Yes, that would be great,” Rossi replied. “Is there any way we could get any and all physical and digital information you may have? This is Penelope Garcia, she will aid in anything computer related,” Hotch said. 

We got our assignments; I was with Rossi this time. We went out to the park where one of the victims was found. 23 yo male. There wasn’t much to see, this murder happened 3 weeks ago. The park looks clean, and the weather forecast said it had rained the last 5 days. We searched the area, not finding anything that we could relate to the victim or the crime. There seems to be nothing special. He was laid out, sticks sticking from his veins. “Does the file on this guy say anything about being a user?” I asked. Rossi looked down and skimmed. “He got into some trouble last year for holding some pot but nothing hard. Why?” he asked. “I don’t know. Just weird. Why shove sticks into the veins if it was drug related?” I replied. “Oh, I see. That's not a bad idea...maybe we should ask around a bit?” He said. 

We interviewed his mother who swore there was nothing ever going on and he was just holding the pot for a friend. That he was a good boy and worked hard. He did have a full time job, but had truancy issues the past several months before he went was murdered. 2 of his friends backed up her story. We also went and checked out one of the other scenes. It felt very much the same. 

Back at the station we discussed what we all found out. And as the information says, there’s no connection. We sat at the table for hours, just staring at files with no information in them. “I need to take a break. I can’t looks at this nothingness anymore. I can make a food run if you guys want,” I said, standing up. “I think you may be right. Let’s take an hour and go into town?” Rossi asked the team. “I think a change of scenery may help,” he added. 

We found a casual seafood joint on the waterfront. Food and scenery is indeed helping. “Ok. So, we have 7 people dead. All found in different areas of the town. Both on and off the beaten path” Rossi said. 

“2 of the 7 have a record. Everyone else seems clean on paper,” - Morgan 

“No one's in terrible debt. Online activities seem mostly normal, with the exception of some of the porn,” - Garcia 

“None of the murders show remorse, quite the opposite. Could we be dealing with random victims of opportunity?” - Hotch 

“The odds of 7 people in such a small town being randomly chosen by a stranger is 1/1894000. I don’t think it’s random. This person knows these people,” - Reid 

“Garcia, do you think you could find out who recently moved here and whose recently died?” Rossi asked. 

I listened to them talk, I took in everything they said. I can’t get over the positioning of the 2 bodies Rossi and I investigated. I have a theory, but I don’t know how sound it is. I need to see the files and photos again. 

Back at the station I stood in front of the board with all the crime scene photos. Garcia came rushing in with her results for Rossi’s request. “I have 28 new residents within the last year and 30 deaths, not including the 7 we’re here for,” she said. “Ok, we could split...” Rossi started, but I cut him off “focus on the deaths. It’ll be someone who died of a medical illness or was taken either by murder or an accident of some kind.” “What makes you say that?” Hotch asked. “Garcia, can you do one more thing? Maybe get Kevin involved?” I asked. “Sure, what do you need?” she replied. “You said something about pornography... can you be more specific? Or anything else these people might have may have logged while online?” I questioned. 

Everyone was looking at me oddly, “It’s been bothering me, the 2 criminals we know for sure, the way in which they were displayed to be found... Tyler was caught with drugs... He may have been dealing something harder or at least someone thought he was. The sticks in the veins... people always associate drugs with shooting up. 45 yo Yolanda was found convicted of poisoning her 1st husband, got out a few years ago and moved here. Though someone had to of known her past, she was poisoned AND displayed in another park, at a bench and table... That’s where she stated she killed her husband. We might be dealing with someone who views themselves as a Punisher... yeah, that’s what I’m thinking,” I finished. 

Garcia's typing away, chatting back and forth with Kevin. With this theory we tried connecting the displayed bodies to a possible crimes the unsub believes they’re guilty of. One guy was accused of rape several years earlier, date rape actually, but because she was drunk, they dismissed it... I don’t even wanna talk about that. He was found with a bar shoved into his rectum... that stuck out his mouth, skewered like a pig. Another that was accused but not convicted, of embezzlement, she was found with her stomach full of leaves. Coroner believes it was post due to lack of digestion. The more we find out, the non-convicted, the more the theory comes to light. 

“I know you’re kicking ass on uncovering the dirty on these people, but any luck on the recently deceased?” I asked Garcia. “Oh! Yes, I do. Here’s the list. In the last 6 months there have been 3 car accidents. 2 medical related deaths and 1 actual murder,” She said, handing me a list of names and where to go. “You’re amazing. You know that, right? Everyone needs a pocket size of you just to keep around,” I praised her. She laughed and got back to work. “Hey Kevin, you’re cool too,” I added. I could see him in the corner of her screen typing away. “Gee, thanks” He replied. 

“Any one of these 6 could be a stressor for the unsub,” Morgan stated. “It’s for sure better than the 58 we had a bit ago,” Rossi replied. “Ok, Morgan, can you take Captain Riker with you?” Hotch asked. “Yeah, that’s not an issue,” He replied and went to find her. “Rossi, Reid, these 2. Kolby, with me,” he ordered. Morgan came back with the Captain. “Do we know who we’re looking at for this?” she asked. “We’re looking for a man or a really strong woman. Someone who's lost someone very close to them, and recently. Perhaps thinking it’s not fair their loved one was taken, yet these people they deem unfit for the life they have, are allowed to live still,” Hotch answered. We gave the profile and off we went. 

Our first interview was with a woman that had a 32 yo son taken from her in a car accident. But she is also in a wheelchair and a widow... there’s no way it was her. He was also single. We are now on our way to interview the parents of a teenager who died of a brain tumor 5 months ago. “Shorts,” Hotch said out of nowhere. “What?” I asked, ridiculously confused. “When I go to the beach, I wear swim shorts,” he elaborated. I chuckled, “Okay. Good to know”. 

“Hi, Mr. Anderson?” I asked of the man that opened the door. He nodded. “I’m Agent Kolby, this is my Partner Agent Hotchner, we’re with the FBI. We have a few questions. May we come in?” I asked. He begrudgingly let us in. 

“Is your wife home,” Hotch asked. Anderson stared at us, he’s very uncomfortable. “Yes, let me grab her,” he said, wandering off into the kitchen. Hotch and I looked around the room at the photos on the walls, the old tv. It's very well kept. Anderson is about early 40’s. “Hello, a light female voice came from behind us. “Mrs. Anderson?” I asked, shaking her outstretched hand. “That’s what I said ‘I do’ too,” she joked. “Please, sit...sit” she urged. She was in her early 40s as well. “Oh! I’m so rude, can I get you anything?” she nearly shouted as she stood. “Oh, no thank you, Mrs. Anderson. We're here just to ask a few questions then we'll get out of your hair,” I answered. 

We talked to her a short while, but she seems... not all there. She talks about her son as if he’s still alive. She’s very upbeat. However, she knows he’s dead. Citing that the doctors did everything they could. Hotch asked a few questions, but we didn’t really get anywhere. The Husbands angry and doesn't speak, the wife's trying to force herself through a severe depression. Hotch and I looked at each other with a ‘I think we’re done here’ look. “Thank you for your time, Mrs. And Mr. Anderson. If you can think of anything you believe may help us, please, don’t hesitate to call,” Hotch said as we stood. He gave them his card and we turned to leave. 

“Husbands iffy, but he was more sad than angry. Doesn't fit the profile. The woman's too small... Back to the station?” I asked. Hotch nodded and off we went. 

No one else had luck either. Everyone knows the people that were murdered or at least few of them. But no one knew all of the them. It’s almost like we were back at one. “Alright, that’s it for the night. Get some sleep, we’ll pick it up in the morning,” Hotch ordered. Since we were all staying at the same hotel, we just rode together. I am so tired. We've been here and at it for 14 hours already. That’s a long time to use your brain. We all had rooms next to each other, makes it much easier if we need to leave in a hurry. Funny enough, I was between Garcia and Hotch. “Goodnight Penelope,” I said, unlocking my door. She nervously laughed as she looked up “Goodnight, Andy. Sir!” I looked at her confused and turned my head, Hotch was at his door as well. That makes sense. That poor girl, she’s probably dying inside wanting to talk about it. I can’t wait to take everything off. But I should go and talk to her. Ugh. Maybe when we get back to Quantico. 

“Hey, do you have a minute?” I asked her when she opened the door. Her nervousness was extremely apparent when she saw me. “Uh, yeah. Sure. Come on in,” she said. Looking around oddly. “What’s going on, Penelope. You’ve been so weird since this morning,” I inquired. She tried to hide her anxiety; she wasn’t doing it very well though. “Don’t do the Profiler thing on me...I’m sorry...ugh. I’m sorry, it’s just that... you and SSA Hotchner and you guys... you had _dessert!..._ together!... there, I said it! But it can’t be true, Agent Hotchner is a stickler for rules. Well, most of the time... I’m just, I can’t...” she was frantic. I tried calming her, grabbing her hands. “Penelope, Hotch and I totally spent a weekend together, but you can’t tell anyone about anything else. I shouldn’t have told you about the kiss. If I hadn’t you wouldn’t be feeling this way right now,” I said. “Really, the whole weekend?” she asked shocked. “Uh, yeah. He asked me if I wanted to hike on Saturday morning. We hung out till like midnight. We fell asleep. Then... before we knew it, stuff happened. Then we had breakfast, I hung out with you, then we went to dinner afterwards and spent the night together again. It’s nothing. I’ll be gone in a few weeks and it’ll be done. You don’t need to tell anyone... I don’t think it’s going to happen again,” I assured her. 

“Wait, What? Why would I tell anyone? The real question is, why wouldn’t you guys hang out again?” she said quickly, nearly shouting. “It’s against the rules...” I replied, my factual words laced with slight sadness. “Screw the rules... I saw how happy you were when he called you AND when you talked about the kiss at the waterfall. Who know Hotch was so Romantic? Anyway, no, Andy... this is good! For both of you! Be happy while you can. In this job...we never know when we get that...” her demeanor changed from anxious to that of a supportive friend to reality teller. This is nice. “But you can’t tell anyone. I’m leaving and no one needs to know Aaron, you know... Just don’t want him to get into trouble. Which is also why I don’t think we will be... seeing each other like that again,” I added. “I understand, but I hope you guys get to have _dessert_ again... and again...again... before you leave. I know he has a son and all, but I never pictured Hotch as someone who... _has sex_ ,” She laughed loudly. I laughed too “Weird thing, I thought the same. Which is why I thought it was safe to ask him for a kiss... big mistake on both our parts, I guess.” 

While we were letting things air out, a dark thought clouded my mind. The reality of the situation... “I know it’s transference, for kind of saving his life. It’s what people do when that kind of thing happens,” I stated. “Girl, no. I can tell you there’s no way that’s what’s going on with him. You got him to go out with us on a Friday night, which isn’t _that_ unheard of, but... you got him to dance and stay until closing. THAT. NEVER. HAPPENS. Just embrace it, my lovely little Bean,” she cooed. “Ok, Ok. Now you know, you gonna stop being weird?” I asked. She promised but couldn’t promise that she wouldn’t stop smiling. “I have to say, you guys are very good,” she added. “What do you mean?” I replied. “I never would have guessed you two... you act so... normal,” she explained. I shrugged, “we are good at what we do.” We said our goodnights and I went to my room. Phew. 

Finally. Shower time, here I come. I let the water warm up and continued to get naked. *knock knock*. Where the fuck did that come from? I wrapped myself in a towel and went to the door but there was no one there. That’s weird. On the way back to the bathroom I realized all the rooms are conjoined. I walked to the side Hotch’s room was on and listened, for anything. There was nothing. Maybe I was just hearing shit. But... What if... no. He would never on a case. I turned to go back to the steaming bathroom, but I heard something...a small creak on the other side... 

Hesitation riddled me, but curiosity got the best. I don’t want to get this wrong. Taking a deep breath, I tapped lightly. He unlocked his side immediately, startling me. I unlocked my side as well and opened the door. “Did you knock?” I asked. He was silent for a moment. “Yes,” his face unchanging. “Okay? What can I do for you, sir?” I asked. He cleared his throat “Your assessment today, that was...” I stopped his mouth with a kiss and that was it. He was happy and eager. I got him naked and we rolled around on the bed. Aaron’s so incredibly passionate... Thank God the bed doesn’t squeak. It was hilarious as we tried our best to be quiet. Hands over each other's mouths here and there, as one of us would start really getting into it. Then there’s the point where’s it’s not so funny, but really hot. It’s like a God damn fairytale. If the Prince and Princess fought crime together and saved each other’s life...Oh! Like in that show ‘Once upon a time’... “Andy...” Hotch grunted, kissing me hard as we both.... 

Afterwards we took a long hot shower, full of kissing and talking. And of course, we talked about the case a bit. That's unavoidable. Though... My stupid brain... I can’t stop thinking about the transference thing I mentioned to Garcia. I shouldn’t have said it out loud. I know I thought about it before, but now that I said it... it’s really there in my head... ‘Shhh’ the rest of my brain told myself. ‘Let me enjoy this.’ 

We spent the night together, again. 

\------ Tuesday ------- 

Hotch slipped back into his room through the joined door, but not before holding me for 30 minutes before doing so. I think we both need this. Whatever this is. 

“Good Morning, BAU family,” Rossi sang as we all meet up around the SUVs. “Here, I thought we might need this today,” he added, handing each one of us a coffee. “Can I just take you guys with me to my next assignment, I feel like it’d be way easier to have ya’ll around,” I joked, then sipping on my coffee. I glanced at Hotch for a moment who was in a little chuckle along with everyone else. Then I glanced at Garcia...who was knowingly smiling. Great. Super subtle. Garcia was much better today. I’m honestly surprised Hotch didn’t ask her what was going on. Either way, it’s good. Hotch got a call. Sounds like it’s Riker. “Ok. Send me the address,” he finished and hung up. “We got another body,” he said, breaking any lightness that we all may have just had. We piled into the vehicles and off we went, Morgan taking Penelope back to the station. 

The crime scene was messy. The vic is a 17 year old girl. She was found sitting on a swing at an elementary/middle school. Her eyes had been ripped out, along with her tongue. “Do we know who she is?” Hotch asked, walking up to Riker. Reid and I looked over the scene longer. The girl was wearing a summer dress. “Shouldn’t she have been in school?” Spencer asked. Riker, walked up to us, “She was reported missing by her parents when the school called and said she hadn’t shown up yet". “When does school start?” Spencer followed. “7:30am,” Riker answered, “However, Lindsey gets to school at 530 to help students with any homework they didn’t understand”. “How does she get there?” I asked. “Dropped off by her father on his way to work,” Riker replied. 

Back at the station we gathered in the small room again. “Ok, she's a 17 year old senior. Good grades. Helpful in the community. She would only leave school willingly with someone she knows,” Spencer theorized. We all agreed. “Hey, the coroners report’s in,” Morgan informed us. “Guys... she was alive when her eyes and tongue were removed,” he added after glancing it over. “The others were all post?” I inquired. We kind of looked through the files again and come to find, all the over-the-top injuries the previous victims incurred, were post mortem. “I think we found their main target,” Spencer spoke up. “Their?” Rossi asked. “You mentioned either a man or really strong woman,” Spencer asked of me. “Yeah. The file reads ‘Vigilante’, Which can be either sex. The size of some of the vics suggests someone strong, which we instinctively think male, but I could take on some of those guys. And! With the cleanliness of the victims themselves and the scenes, screams woman normally,” I explained. Spencer nodded and turned to the board. Hotch was looking at Coroner's report of the latest vic, Lindsey Pratt. He was thinking. It was very apparent. He then looked up at the victims' photo on the board, pre death of course. “Kolby, does she look familiar to you?” He asked me. Holy shit, “Hotch, she was on the Anderson’s wall in a photo with their son. Prom or something,” I answered nearly dumbfounded. It was in our face, and we didn’t see it. “The unsub is a duo,” Spencer yelled. “And we know who they are,” Hotch informed. 

“Awe, so the Anderson’s son, Sean, was in a relationship with Lindsey until he died. 2 months ago Lindsey changed her status from single to in a relationship,” Garcia read out. “The parents are upset with her moving on, what they may see as too quickly? That's the stressor. With the mother living in denial and the father being a submissive...” Morgan said. “Joann Anderson, 41, is a counselor at the community center. She works with many out-reach programs. John Anderson is a public works employee, cleans the parks, around town, etc,” she ended. “Is there a way to find out who she counselled?” Rossi asked. Garcia typed away like a crazy person, but came back quickly, “Yes. Her client list has 4 of the 8 victims on it,” she uncovered. “With the husband working in parks, perhaps that when he saw Tyler selling Pot, and perhaps a few of the others the wife didn’t see,” Morgan offered. “That would also make sense as to why Lindsey would leave the school. What better way to lure someone than with a friendly, familiar face,” Spencer stated. “Joann's the brains, johns the brawns,” Rossi added. 

We gave the profile to the station and Captain Riker. “Reid, Rossi go to John Anderson’s place of work. Morgan, you and Riker go find Joann Anderson. Garcia’s texted you the addresses. Kolby, with me,” Hotch ordered. We geared up and headed out. Hotch and I went to the house. No one answered. “We were here, Aaron. We had weird vibes about these people, but my profile didn’t allow for it to be two,” I chastised myself. Why didn’t we go this route? “Your assessment was very sound. And don’t forget, we all came to the same conclusion,” He responded, almost comforting. It didn’t help. 

“What can I get for you?” Garcia spoke. “I’m gonna put you on speaker,” I said, pressing the speaker button. “Garcia, how many vehicles do the Anderson’s own, including their son,” I asked. Mad typing came through the phone as we waited. “2. 93 Ford F-150 and 2007 Buick Enclave. Nothing for the son,” she stated. I walked around the side of the house, but saw no vehicles. “Hotch, you see anything?” I yelled, as we both checked the street, walking back towards each other. He shook his head. “How many properties do they own? Family, perhaps?” he asked of her. Nothing, just the house and that’s it. Their families weren’t wealthy. Their parents are dead. “Wait, Derek's calling!” Garcia said. She connected our calls and turned it into a group call. “What do you want us to do? They aren’t going to come into work,” He said. “Put a B.O.L.O out on their vehicles, not just the plates, but the cars themselves,” Hotch ordered “What do you do once you kill your target? Do you just go back to normal life, thinking you got away with it? Or do you keep going, because you think you got away with it?” I asked. “Kolby and I will stay here in case they come back. Call Rossi and Reid, put a car on both work places and position yourselves nearby,” Hotch ordered, “I believe they’ll come back”. “There’s no place like home,” I added. Hotch and I glanced at each other, then went to the SUV. 

Morgan sat on the south side of the street, while Rossi and Spencer sat on the adjacent street, further up. Far enough that it wasn’t THAT suspicious 3 black unmarked SUVs were in the neighborhood. We’ve been here for about an hour now. Nothing yet, but every paid and volley officer is on the lookout for the suspects vehicles. Sometimes it’s the waiting game. There's nothing much we can do, except wait. “Why were you removed from your team in Seattle?” Hotch asked. No, I don’t wanna talk about this now. It's so dumb. “You read my file, Hotch. I am impossible to work with and constantly insubordinate, however because I’m very good at what I do, I get to keep my job...in some form...” I answered nearly verbatim to what my file says. Hotch was quick to retort “I know what your file says, but I want to hear it from you”. Why does he want to know now? He had a whole weekend to ask. Shit, he had a week. What if this is about what’s been going on the past few days with us? I adjusted uncomfortably and cleared my throat. 

I laughed slightly with irony, “I, uh... I walked in on my Unit Chief and one my fellow SSA’s fucking in his office afterhours. I just so happen be working late and needed to speak with him about a case and, there they were... Normally I wouldn’t care, because consenting adults, but they’re both married. And it happened just after the Christmas party, where they paraded their families and wore happily ever after faces, but what business is that of mine” I said with contempt. “I don’t understand how that would affect your position with the Bureau,” Hotch replied. “Ah! You see, when I walked in on them, they fell off the desk, how cliché', then tried the ‘I didn’t see what I thought I saw’ thing. Honestly other than them being douche bags, I didn’t care. I wasn’t there for that. But they begged not to tell even when I said I wouldn’t, however I still needed to speak to him about the case. He said not tonight as they rushed out, we’d talk in the morning... Come the next morning I was called into the Directors office and the next thing I know I'm getting told that I have 2 options. Either resign or be reassigned for my uncooperative behavior and making outrageous accusations against my coworker and Unit Chief. Though I hadn’t said anything to anyone about what had happened... Furthermore, that I haven’t been a team player and that my history with the team was already unstable as it was,” I continued. Distain and disbelief laced my words. 

There was a silence for several moments. I broke it again though “I should mention that Unit Chief Smith is best friends, actual best friends, with Director Thorton... who knew about the affair I found out later. Funny thing is... I wasn’t gonna say anything, I didn’t. Still, Smith called up his pal and had me removed... Did you notice that until my reassignment, my record was clean?”. Hotch didn’t say anything. What could he say? “Oh! Got a raise though, and nearly everything I do, travel, hotel, is paid for... so it’s a weird punishment. At times it can feel like purgatory... Anyway, there it is,” I ended, trying to hide the Sadness and loneliness I'd been feeling for so long. 

“Andy, your profile reads nothing but excellence. Most every unit you’ve worked with has either requested permanent placement or highly recommends you to work with any team,” Hotch offered. I guess he could see the confusion in my eyes, “Do you not know this?” he asked. “I get evaluations after every assignment, Sir. There’s never mention of anything like that. Simply, I do my job rather well, but I don’t work well with others, and so on...,” I informed him, trailing off and rolling my eyes. “I assure you, it’s in there,” he said. I’m in such disbelief. I only ever mostly receive negative feedback. 

“That fucking Cock... So, he’s been editing the eval’s I've been receiving from his office. Wow, why am I surprised?” I couldn’t stop laughing in disbelief. I rolled my eyes again and sighed. A lot of this makes sense now. He didn’t think I’d last this long. It’s been 3 years... it just doesn’t make sense as to why the Director would keep this going... Men. 

Suddenly I was aware that he may have access to my **entire** career... Every... single... thing. “Do you have the full access to _every_ assignment I've been?” I questioned, nearly scared of the answer and avoiding eye contact. “Yes,” Hotch replied. Still not looking to him, “Montgomery?...” my voice dropping an octave as I asked. Hotch turned is head slowly and gave me the knowing side eye. I glanced at him, then forward ahead, “That one is very accurate.” “I believe it,” Hotch answered with a smirk. 

A few more hours went by and still nothing. We passed the time telling the riddles with the other two cars. Of course, Spencer’s in the lead. “Hotch, how long do you wanna wait here? Do you really think they’ll come back here? They’re probably in Canada by now” Morgan spoke over the radio. I looked to Hotch, waiting to hear his answer. “Trust me. They’ll be here,” He said. “This job would be so much easier if the bad guys would just turn themselves in,” I said. “Yes, I agree with that. Somehow, I don’t think these guys got the memo,” Hotch replied. I chuckled lightly. “What time does your family come in Thursday?” He asked. “Oh, uh, 13:25. So, if we’re in town, I’d like to take a long lunch to grab them,” I answered. “Do you have plans for the weekend?” he asked. He’s doing his SSA Hotchner questioning thing. He’s very good at it. But I’ve seen him do it enough now, what’s he want? “Nothing yet. It’s hard to make plans. Ha. But I might take them to see a waterfall. Some guy took me up to see one and it was breathtaking. So maybe they’ll like it too,” I said casually. He smirked. 

“Is it really so hard to imagine me on a beach?” he asked. I burst out in laughter. That must have really gotten to him. I felt a little bad about laughing, but it really is a funny thought. “Is that so?” he said with a stern, yet light tone. I shrugged, still giggling and covering my mouth. “there’s only one way to find out what it looks like. Would you, your sister and mother like to join Jack and I this weekend in Orlando?” He asked. What?? I don’t understand...Does not compute. I’m speechless. I didn’t know what to say. Hotch doesn’t seem like the kind of person to ask something like that of someone like me...or whatever we are... “I realize it’s last minute and if you can’t or you don’t feel comfortable, that’s alright,” he continued. I searched for my voice. I tried speaking. I wanted to scream yes but I couldn’t even manage a whisper or a nod. Hotch stared at me intently, searching my stupid gawking face. He turned away, probably embarrassed. “Hotch...Aaron. I...” I started. “It’s ok, it was out of line. I’m sorry,” he stopped me. “Aaron! I’d love that! When do we leave?!” I nearly shouted in excitement. I was grinning so wide that my face hurt. My heart was going a million miles an hour, I thought I was gonna start flying. He was nervous, but he was smiling. A real smile. That’s good. I want to kiss him, badly. We deal with the worst kind of people that society can imagine... yet when it comes to matters of a personal nature, we’re scared teenagers. “We could leave Friday after work or Saturday morning. I haven’t booked flights yet,” he finally answered, “But there’s always something available.” We laughed nervously; my face is so warm. 

“Can these people just show up already?!” I shouted anxiously, in a joking matter of course. “Heads up, the truck just turned into the neighborhood,” Rossi radioed. The mood in the car changed immediately. We watched for the car to come into view. “How many in the car?” I radioed back. “It’s unclear. But I’m only seeing the husband,” Rossi replied. “Where’s Joann?” I asked rhetorically. “Ok, we close in on my order,” Hotch commanded. 

Mr. Anderson parked and got out. “Go!” Hotch ordered. We jumped out and ran towards the suspect. Rossi and Morgan pulled up as we got there. Mr. Anderson was a deer in the headlights, he didn’t know what to do. He attempted to run, but didn’t make it far before we were on him. “John Anderson, you are under arrest for the murders of 8 people..” Hotch started the mirandize. “Where’s Joann,” I asked him. He wouldn’t speak. Just kept staring at the ground. “We got the warrant for their home,” Captain Riker informed us. Hotch took Anderson to the car and locked him up. We entered the house and searched the premise. After several hours we found nothing. 

“Where is your wife, Mr. Anderson,” Hotch asked. We'd been interrogating him now for hours. It’s exhausting. Mostly because it’s 3am. “How’s it goin in there?” Morgan asked when I walked out to meet the gang. I sighed and sat down. I drooped in my chair. “He’s still not talking. Surprise,” I answered. “He hasn’t even lawyered up. What’s his deal?” He added. “Even with the Hotch stare down...nothing. I tried. For 2 hours. He wanted to say something, but I couldn’t get it,” I threw out. “Coffee,” Penelope said in a very forced perky tone. She started handing out coffees to everyone “You’re an angel,” I said. “Thank you, Baby Girl,” Morgan said. And so on. “Oh, here you go, Sir,” she said, scurrying over to Hotch, who was walking towards the table. “Thank you, Garcia,” Hotch said, taking the coffee. “I think that’s it for tonight. He isn’t going to talk. Patrols are still on the lookout for the Buick and Joann Anderson. Go back to the hotel and get some sleep. There was no argument about it. We all headed for the door. 

I stripped and got into bed right away. I feel like trash. I heard the joining door open, we never relocked it. Hotch crawled into bed with me and we fell asleep. He’s really the best cuddler. And for the first time, I was so tired that I was able to fall asleep in someone’s arms. 

\------- Wednesday -------- 

I feel like I have a hangover as I dragged myself out of bed. I groggily looked back at Hotch, how was very much still asleep. I don’t know how that’s possible with the knocking on the door, he's a first and ready to rise kind of person. It sounds like a jack hammer. I threw on a nearby shirt and opened the door to find Rossi standing there. I suddenly remembered where I was and immediately kept the door mostly closed. “Good morning, Andy. I don’t mean to wake you, but it’s time we get going,” He said very politely. “What? What time is it?” I asked, confused, going to look at a watch I don’t wear. “It’s 7:15. Have you seen Hotch? He’s not answering his door or phone,” he answered. “Fuck. I must’ve turned off my alarm or something. I’ll be ready in 5,” I said, slamming the door. I jumped onto the bed, slappin a still sleeping Hotches ass. “Wake up, we gotta go now, we over slept,” I rushed, quietly. His head went straight up, he looked around confused then jumped up. He rushed through the door and was gone. But not before running back to kiss me. 

“Sorry guys, I guess I never plugged in my phone last night, it died. That’s weird... Where’s Hotch?” I asked, walking up to the team. “He has yet to grace us with his presence,” Rossi jested. “Ooo. Coffee” I delightfully said grabbing one off the hood. “There he is,” Spencer said, nodding towards his room. He walked out, talking on the phone. “Sorry, I was on a call with the Director,” Hotch Informed us as he approached. 

We spent the next few hours trying to talk to Anderson again. But he still wasn’t talking. This is very frustrating. “Do we really need a confession? I mean, there were several students that saw the victim get into Joann Andersons car that morning,” Morgan asked. “It’s circumstantial,” Spencer said. 

“Excuse me, can someone help me? I think you guys have my husband?” A womans voice came over the station. We turned to see Joann Anderson standing in the waiting area. She was immediately taken into custody. Her rights were read to her and she was taken into an interrogation room. 

Rossi sat with her as Hotch and I watched. “I don’t want to talk to you. I want to talk to the woman and her husband. The ones that came to see me and Johnny,” She said, twice. Rossi looked back at the mirror, confused. As were we. He joined us behind the mirror. “Well, is there something you two would like to tell me?” He jested. “We noticed the blurred line between reality and fantasy when we interviewed her. But her delusions seem more cemented now,” I replied. “Agreed,” Hotch said. “That’s interesting though,” I muttered. “What’s that?” Rossi asked. “She said woman and Husband... not man and wife. Or the married couple. Or Husband and Wife. But Woman and Husband,” I explained. “That is interesting. May suggest she sees you as the dominate in your partnership,” Rossi offered. 

We sat down at the table across from Joann. “Hello,” she said sweetly. “Joann, why are you here?” I asked. Her demeanor suggests she’s worried, but not about what she’s done. Or she wouldn’t have been here. “When Johnny didn’t meet up with me last night, I went home to find his truck but not him. The neighbors told me this morning that you guys had him. So, I’m here for him,” She answered. “you know why we brought him in?” Hotch asked. She thought for a moment then answered, “No”. “You and your husband have killed 8 people, Mrs. Anderson,” Hotch informed her. She had no real reaction at his words. “Can I see Johnny now, please?” she asked. “Later. After we’ve talked for a while,” I said. She didn’t really care for that. We questioned her for about 30 minutes, but she refused to answer any of them. We tried to convince her that John wanted to talk to us about this. She didn’t believe that either. “We met in high school. And we knew... we’ve been married for 19 years together for 23,” she continued. That’s all she wants to talk about is her family. I think it’s time for a strategy change. 

I grabbed Hotch’s hand, intertwining my fingers with his as I got closer to him. I looked up and smiled at him “We can tell her,” I said softly, then leaned towards Joann, “We’re not supposed to tell anyone, but we’ve been married 3 years now. Yes, we’re still newlyweds,” I said, then sitting back up. I stared at Hotch and for a moment we pretended we were in love. “I walked into his office and on that first day and that was it” I continued as we bashfully looked at one another. “Love is wonderful, isn’t it? I’d do anything for my family, my love,” Joann grinned. “Do you have children?” She asked. “2,” I said gleefully. “Why aren’t you with them?” She asked. “We spend every moment we can with them. But they also understand that we go out and catch bad guys so that them and other children can feel safe. My son calls me his real-life superhero,” Hotch said, with a smile. “That’s so precious,” She responded. I let go of Hotch and focused on her again “Joann... Why did you rip out Lindsey's eyes and tongue while she was alive? Is it because she hurt Sean?” I asked. “She used to say she only had eyes for him. But after he died, within two months, she had a new boyfriend. They were together for 3 years! If I lost Johnny like that...I’d never love again. Now she’ll only ever have eyes for Sean from now and forever,” She answered. “Will you excuse us a moment?” I asked Joann. She smiled and nodded. 

“That was a show, very convincing,” Rossi said, unsure if he was suspicious or joking. “You’re gonna find Lindsey's eyes and maybe her tongue buried in or near Seans grave,” I informed the team. “How do you know that?” Spencer asked. “She’ll only have eyes for Sean from now and forever,” I repeated Joann’s words. 

They uncovered the eyes and tongue at the grave site. I sat with Joann a while longer as she confessed to the rest of the murders her and her husband committed together. He was reluctant but it was the only thing that seem to bring her some relief and he couldn’t bear to see her hurt anymore. Love makes people do crazy things, I guess. 

“I cannot wait to lay down in my own bed,” Morgan sighed, taking a seat on the jet across Rossi and Hotch. I sat at the back. I’m so tired. I stared out the window, fading in and out of sleep. “Ohh, I miss my desk. My purple amazing Paradise. I like going with you guys, but I love the safety of my little computer room more,” I could hear Garcia joking... I think. Spencer was already asleep, stretched out over 3 seats. That was a long few days. It’s already Wednesday evening. Half way through the flight I was awoken to “Good job today,” Hotch said taking the seat across me. I opened my sleepy eyes with a half-smile and met his. He stretched his leg out along the wall of the plane. I stretched mine and laid it against his. We stayed like that the rest of the flight. 

“Have a good night everyone, Good work these last few days. Get some sleep,” Hotch said, heading into his office. Everyone said their good nights, and went on. “Oh! Andy! I didn’t get a chance to tell you since we were on a case and all that... But the search we started Sunday, it’s done!” Garcia excitedly stated. I followed her to her office. She showed me everything. It was much more than I could have found on my own. I searched her screens. She emailed everything to me, and printed it out... and put it in a spiral note book covered in kitten stickers. I thank her. I am so very grateful to her. “I owe you one!” I said, and rushed out. 

I sat in my office for a few more hours, going over everything, as much as I could through sleepy brain. It went back further than I thought. Garcia had expanded the search by 5 more years. “Oh my God...” I said to myself. I think I found something to actually go on... And it’s only a few hours away. 

“Hey, Hotch,” I said walking into his office. “Hey, why are you still here?” He asked from behind his desk. “Oh, the same thing you are... just catching up on something. Hey is there any way I can I take the morning off? I need to do something before I swing by the airport,” I asked. “Take the day. Enjoy time with your family. You’ve earned it,” he said. Great! I can check this out and if it seems legit, I’ll see if the BAU can help. “Thank you. Goodnight, Hotch,” I said, turning to leave. “Agent Kolby,” He said, standing. “Yeah?” I turned back and watched him as he walked towards me. “Do you need help with something, Andy?” He asked with concern in his tone. I smiled with reassurance “No. Just doing a follow up.” He hovered, looking down at me. “You’re so tired, Aaron. Go home. Kiss Jack goodnight,” I said staring back into his beautiful brown eyes. I swear they only reflect my own, I see what I want too... “I think that’s a good idea,” he smiled... “But I think I’d like to give you one first” he added. Is he crazy? I didn’t have time to think or react. He already had me in a deep, heat inducing kiss. The kind you see in movies when the lovers know it’ll be a while until their next one. The kind that knocks you off your feet and makes you forget where you are. When he pulled away it felt like my life force was going with him. “Goodnight. I’ll see you Friday” he spoke softly. For the first time in a very long time... I felt something I don't wanna lose. 

\----- Thursday ------- 

Even though I should be used to the hours by now, waking early, going to sleep extremely late, I never acclimated. Port Norfolk is only about 3 hours away. The suns just comin up and I’ve been on the road about an hour and a half now. There's just a few questions I gotta ask the local PD and a few local businesses. Lucky for me, it’s a small port town and everything seems pretty close by. Once I’m finished, run the 4 hours up to the airport in D.C. I can’t wait to see my Family. 

It’s funny how people on the east coast call It Washington... It’s D.C... Washington is a state... When I travel, people always assume it’s D.C. when I say I’m from Washington. However, sometimes I don’t blame them when they know I’m a Fed. Because that’s where we’re replicated... Ha ha. 

**Me:** **7:21am**

**Don't work too hard. I'll be on call this afternoon if you need me.**

**Hotch : 7:23am**

**Don't count on it. ;)**

**Hotch:** **7:38am**

**Would you be ok with leaving Friday night for Orlando?**

**Me:** **8:05am**

**Yes! Just let me know when so I can book flights our too. And what about hotel?**

**Hotch : 8:37am**

**Would a 3 bedroom suite at Disney world be enough? Or would you prefer separate rooms?**

**Me: 8:40am**

**I hate to tell you this, Hotch... I'm a Universal girl. ;p**

**Me: 9:41am**

**Yes, a 3 bed is fine... Aaron... Are you sure you want to do this?**

**Hotch : 9:42am**

**Yes. Now then. The real question is Universal or Disney?** ****

**Mom: 1:23pm**

**We just landed, Hun. Heading for baggage! Can't wait to see you!! Where are we meeting?**

**Missed call from Mama: 1:39pm**

**Missed call from Mama: 1:45pm**

**Missed call from Mama: 1:49pm**

**Missed call from Mama: 1:54pm**

**Missed call from Mama: 2:01pm**

**Missed call from Mama: 2:09pm**


	5. My missing Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Time takes it all whether you want it to or not, time takes it all. Time bares it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again.” ― Stephen King
> 
> This chapter switches back and forth between Andys pov and 3rd person of everyone else. seperated by ----------
> 
> ///// starts and ends potentially uncomfortable details of rape//////

\------------ Thursday continued ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

“Excuse me... I’m looking for Aaron Hotch?” Candice asked the person behind the front desk in the lobby of the FBI Facility. “Who?” he replied. “Aaron Hotch, can you help me?” she asked again. “Do you mean SSA Aaron Hotchner?” he clarified. “I’m not sure. My daughter works for him, Special Agent Andy Kolby? She's a profiler,” she answered. “You’ll want SSA Aaron Hotchner. He’s upstairs. 4th level. You’ll need to check in. But I can take you when you’re done if you’d like,” another agent replied. She nodded and checked in. “My name is Spencer Reid. I work with Andy. I think we might even be friends?” He said. “Oh, Spencer. Yes, she’s mentioned you. You are friends,” Candice replied, trying to ignore the sickening feeling in her stomach. The elevator ride was quick, but not quick enough. “Excuse me for asking, but are you alright?” he asked. “I just need to talk to Agent Hotchner? Before I jump to conclusions,” she answered with a nervous smile. “Fair enough,” He replied. 

“Hotch, Candice Kolby, Andy’s mom, would like to speak with you,” Spencer announced as he walked into Hotch's office. “Send her through,” he replied. “No. She’s here, in person,” Spencer informed him. Hotch was a little surprised and curious at this woman and child standing outside the office. “Send them in,” Hotch said. He stood as they entered. He could tell right away she was uneasy. 

“Hello, I’m Aaron Hotchner,” he said, greeting her with a hand shake, still confused as to her presence there. “Ok, good. She’s only ever said Aaron or Hotch, so I wasn’t sure,” Candice nervously replied, “Is there somewhere Mandy can be. I don’t want her to worry,” She whispered. Hotch nodded, “Spencer, would you please take Mandy to find some paper and pencils?” he asked. Spencer was a gem. He knew something might be wrong and quickly did as he was asked “Hi, my name is Spencer, you must be Mandy. Andy told me all about your artist skills. Can you show me? I can’t draw for anything, But I can tell you all about the classical artists. Who's your favorite?”. “My sister,” she answered. They went out onto the office floor leaving Candice and Hotch alone. 

Hotch turned his attention back to Andy’s Mom. “Candice, what is it that I can do for you? Where’s Andy?” He asked, staring intently, truly fearing the words that were about to escape her mouth. Her face went white with fear. “You don’t know where she is?” Candice stuttered, her body shivering. She grabbed her stomach and nearly fell over. Hotch caught her, but she stabilized herself. “Andy’s missing, Agent Hotchner,” she cried. “What do you mean she’s missing?” Hotch asked quickly, his fear thickening. “What do you mean she’s missing?” Hotch asked again. Now standing on her own, trying to compose herself once more “In 3 years, she’s never once not shown up or sent something saying she wasn’t gonna make it... I called her 10 times... She always gets ahold of me, tells me where to go,” her words as shaky as her hands. Candice knows Andys job is dangerous, but she never thought something like this would happen. 

Hotch’s head spun, flashes of a stolen kiss and days spent together crossed his mind. Flashes of Hayley... But he has to be here, present. “When was the last time you heard from her?” he asked. “Last night before bed. We had a layover in Colorado. She called me. Then texted me this morning around 6,” she answered. Hotch looked at his watch, 3:09 pm. “We will find her,” He said. Hotch called Andy’s cell on his way to Garcia’s office. This time it went straight to voicemail. His stomach turned at the thought that she might actually be missing. 

“Garcia, I need you to track Andy’s phone,” he said, entering her office. “Ok, Sir. Is everything alright?” she asked, vigorously typing away. He leaned over her shoulder, staring at the screens “Andy never made it to the airport”. “Signal’s dead, last bounced off a tower near Port Norfolk,” she said in a panic. “Find out who she contacted today,” he ordered. “Yes, Sir,” she typed away once more. “Penelope..." He hesitated "You’ll find that Andy and I have been... in contact...” he told her. “It’s ok, Sir. I know... And I think it’s great. Just tell me what more you need,” Garcia reassured him. 

“Looks like she called the Port Norfolk Police Dept last night and again this morning... Exchanged messages with you and her mother... Her last out going anything was to you at 9:41am... then the signal was lost at 9:46,” she ended. “Print out a list of outgoing and incoming calls for yesterday and today,” he demanded. “Does this have to do with what she was working on?” she inquired. He eyed her questioningly “What was she working on?” “Oh... I’m surprised she didn’t tell you. Uh, ok. She asked me Sunday to look into missing and murdered women across the states. Here, this is what I gave her last night. 2 women were abducted yesterday in Port Norfolk... Oh my God is that why she went there?” she asked. “Garica, get all of this information together for the team,” He said, leaving the room. “You got it!” she yelled over her shoulder. 

“Hotch, what’s going on?” Morgan asked. The team looked concerned when he returned to the office floor. “Everybody in the conference room, now” he commanded. 

“As of 10am this morning, Agent Andy Kolby's gone missing. I spoke with the Captain in Port Norfolk. Andy went there earlier this morning to look into the disappearance of 2 woman she thought was connected to a case she’d been investigating. It’s unknown if her disappearance has any connection to that case at this time. We’re heading to Port Norfolk in 30,” he ordered. 

“Candice, will you and Mandy come with me? I’m going to take you to the hotel. There’s something I need from Andy’s room,” Hotch said. 

His thoughts were everywhere as they drove to the hotel. Why wouldn’t she tell him? They’re... something? What are they? To be honest, he hadn’t really put much thought into it. It’s been so easy with her. Guess the idea of her leaving never crossed his mind, or did it? Is that why they started? Knowing there’d be an end? Fear of the inevitable one supposes.

The moment they met, in his office... He’d seen her profile. He knew who she was, what she is. But he wasn’t prepared for _her_... He never would have involved himself with a co-worker of any kind. Ever....and he’s also her boss. But... when she opened up, was nothing but herself... It was impossible not to be drawn to her. Being around her makes him feel like a boy in love for the first time. Happy... Working cases... Her gentle ruthlessness... He forgets the world and feels he can do anything. And he never had a second thought to inviting her to Orlando, yet she was so nervous. Possibly thinking of their careers... or getting too close. They would still have needed to keep it a secret, sadly, but it would have been worth it.

It’s been 3 years since... Since Hayley died. And he loved her even then. But they’d been divorced for 2 years at that point. He missed Hayley, and has even dated, he was ready to start living again. That's when he met Beth, she was wonderful, especially with jack, but it never felt it could be forever. It's been over a year since she's gone to Hong Kong and he'd stayed focused on work since then. Hotch had become to think it just wasn't in the cards for him to find someone... 

It’s the strangest thing... Andy feels like home... and he wanted that... longed for it. He thought he was fucked when she “made” him go out dancing and they spent nearly the entire night together. Intentionally close and intentionally only with one another... They were already each other’s and didn’t even know it. But he _knew_ he was fucked the moment they kissed. Even though he was aware she meant it as an innocent moment in time... That nerdy, smart, unique woman is all he thinks about when he’s not thinking about Jack or has his head in a case. He’s trusts her. Guess he thought she trusted him? 

The car ride, though quick, felt too long. He needed to be there now. “Do you know why Andy wouldn’t tell me what she was doing?” Hotch inquired against his better judgement. “I know she admires you and your team. So, I don’t know... Knowing Andy though, she probably thought you’d dismiss her like Seattle did. Even though you guys are...” Candice ended, catching herself. She liked that this man seems to be trying to move heaven and earth for her daughter, but she didn’t want to intensify the situation.

“Here are your keys Ma’am,” the desk clerk said, handing Candice the keys to her room. “I’m agent Hotchner with the FBI. I need to access room 213. Agent Andy Kolby is the tenant,” Hotch said to the desk clerk. “I’m sorry, Sir. If you’re not registered as a quest, I can’t give you a key,” the desk clerk said. “The room is being paid for by the Bureau, I have right to access it,” Hotch retorted. “With how much you’re here with her, she should’ve given you a key,” the clerk muttered. Hotch reached over and grabbed his shirt, pulling him close “She’s missing and we are running out of time!” he growled. “Is my name on the room?” Candice asked the terrified clerk. “It’s ok...here....” the trembling clerk said, nearly throwing Hotch a key. 

He entered the room and went right for the box under the desk. He set it on the table and opened it. It’s everything; her notes, photos, maps, files. Hotch closed it back up and took it with him. “Agent Hotchner,” Candice called out as he walked into the hall. He stopped and turned around. “Please find our Andy... she’s tough, but... I just can’t stand the idea of what’s happening to my baby...” she said holding back tears. He didn’t know what to say, just nodded and rushed out. 

“What’s that?” JJ asked of the box in his hands. “It’s whatever Andy had on this case that isn’t in Penelope's information. Nearly 4 years of work. We can read it on the way. It’s a 3-hour drive, let’s go," he answered. 

\------------- 

*groaning* “ahh... mmm.... What...??” I could barely open my eyes... My head hurts so badly. Where am I? I'm trying to focus, but it’s dark and my vision is so fuzzy. There’s a dim light in the corner of the room, at least I think it’s a corner?... I touched my head where it hurt the most. No blood, just a bump. That’s a good sign. It feels a sack of bricks landed on me. Sitting up wasn’t easy, it was achy as fuck... 

“Are you ok?” a tired, scared female voice asked. “Uhh, I think so,” I groaned. The room came into sight better after a few moments. It’s a basement or something, I think? No windows, dim light near a door. I can smell dirt and the ocean. The ground’s hard but it’s not cement. I gripped a handful of whatever it was and tried to focus on it. Ah, that’s where the dirt smell’s coming from, the ground is mixed dirt and crumbled concrete. It’s cold and dry... Or maybe it’s just my head. 

Of course, I checked for my phone or weapon, but that was just wishful thinking. My badge is gone too. “Shit,” I muttered. I tried to stand but I’m still pretty woozy. What’s that? There’s something around my ankle and I’m barefoot. “A chain, a fucking CHAIN. Are you fucking kidding me?” I yelled out in frustration. I can’t believe I'm in this situation. I could hear small voices in the room with me. “What are your names?” I asked the two women, that now come into sight. “Jade...” “Allison” they told me. I recognized the 1 name, but the other, she wasn’t a missing person, not that I was there for anyway. “Andy,” I said back. “How many are there?” I asked. “2...” they both said. “There was another woman here,” Jade started, “But something happened and they took her last night,” Allision added. 

My eyes were starting to adjust to the lack of light, I could see them better now. They’re already bruised, dirty and very, very scared. “What’ve they done to you so far?” I asked, messing with my chain. It’s useless, I know but gotta do something for the time being, it’s crucial I investigate my surroundings. There may be a way out... The women hadn’t answered yet. I looked up to see them filled with shame and terror. They’d been raped and knocked around a bit, that much I knew, I could tell. “When was the last time they were here?” I continued my questioning. It’s important I find out whatever I can, to keep them talking. “Don’t know. There’s no way to tell what time it is in here. But they brought you in a while ago,” Jade answered. 

I couldn’t remember what happened. What did happen? I went to the PD... then a diner by the water... ugh... my head. “Was one of you abducted from a diner?” I asked. “Me,” Allison answered. “Barney's bar,” Jade followed. “Then the other woman...” I started. “Megan,” Allison piped up. “You were taken last night then?” I asked Jade. She nodded. “You weren’t reported missing? I was at the station this morning, only two women were reported,” I stated. “Yeah, I live alone and it’s my day off. Lucky me... That’s why I was out last night,” Jade answered. A muffed slam of a door sounded in the next room. “Oh no, they’re coming back!” they screamed, trying to get as far from the door as they could, but they were chained like me...there was no hiding. 

Laughing could be heard, then 2 men in slacks and t-shirts walked through the door, “Did you miss us?” the taller one asked. They were white males. Early 40’s, maybe mid. Well, at least I got that right. “Oh look, the cops awake. How you feelin, babe?” the shorter one asked with false concern. “Be respectful, she an FBI Agent. SPECIAL Agent. Excuse me,” the taller one corrected him, sarcastically, flaunting my badge and then returning it to his pocket. The women snapped their heads and stared at me; hope laced their eyes while fear took over everything else. I stared back at the monsters that wore the skins of men. The taller one is Bald with a Blonde beard and overweight, yet muscle filled his chest and arms. The other, the shorter one was in decent shape, missing a tooth that I could see and dark hair with a heavy receding hairline. I can’t tell what they are, Military? Cops? Not with that beard...Security? 

“Or should we take that sweet chocolate milk shake back? Darlin, you are too fun,” the Baldy threatened, walking and grabbing Jade. “No, I’ll go,” I spoke up, unthinking. They laughed and came over to me. I was able to size them up a bit. Shorty’s about 5’8? Baldy’s about Hotch’s height, 6’2..6’3? “Oh, don’t worry, we were just playin. You’re comin with us. Oh! And if you try anything, we’ll make you watch” they threatened, gesturing to the two women. 

I walked out with them into the next room. It was a storage room of some kind. A small window hid behind a giant cabinet on one of the walls. It’s daylight out. But there’s overcast, so it’s hard to tell the time. Boxes and large bins aligned the walls. We were underground though. The window was high and grass or a bush, I couldn’t tell, were growing next to it. At the center of the room sat a large table saw table. It was missing the saw and instead had belts strapped around it. A make shift torture table. I won't lie, I resisted slightly. I don’t want what's about to happen to happen. “Here, put this on,” Baldy said, throwing a wad of fabric at me. I unrolled it to reveal a summer dress. Light blue with pink flowers all over it. They were ‘putting me in my place’. 

I stared at them as I undressed. My face loyal to hiding the fear I held inside. They slammed me onto the table, unnecessarily rough, and strapped towards the end, my legs dangling. I managed to swallow my fear and focus on these _things_. I hate to refer to them as men. A man would never do this, only a monster would. But they are men. The worst kind. They could do what they wanted and I'll do my best to hold myself together for those women. I just feared they would do.... _that_... to me. Anal sex hurts anyway and isn’t something I’ve done more than once because I wasn’t into at all. But I got really sick a few years back and it messed me up medically inside. So now I can’t... even if I wanted to. That would be one way to make me scream... to make me bleed on SAW torture levels. Please... Please... I prayed over and over. Anything else.... 

“So, _Special_... _Agent_ Kolby. What kind of training do they give you for situations like this?” Shorty asked. They hovered over me, trying to intimidate. Their breath was rancid. Shorty’s teeth were rotting, I could see a few chipped ones and a lot of silver in there as he spoke. I closed my eyes and turned my head; it was so bad. A hand grabbed my face, forcing it back upwards. “You’ll look at us when we talk to you, ok?” Baldy said. My jaw was still clenched as he tried to kiss me and shove his tongue into my mouth. He pulled away laughing and roughly released my face. I was so angry and so sickened, so determined that I forgot how cold it was. Where were we that they could do this? 

/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/-/ “So, you like dick, Agent. Or are you a carpet muncher? You look like you like women. Which is a shame, cause you got a rockin body, but a bit too much muscle... and that hair! What are you tryin to prove? Oh! Or do you wanna be a man?” Shorty taunted. Baldy smiled as he ran his hand up my thigh, under the dress they forced on me. “Well, whatever she likes, doesn’t matter, she gonna love this” he said. They're talkers. It’s part of their torture. Keep talking. I deal in talking all day. 

They slapped my thighs and hips. Pinched me hard in places that shouldn’t be. Baldy positioned himself at the end of the table, I knew what was about to happen. Shorty grabbed my face taunting me “We’re gonna give it to ya, girl. And you're gonna beg” he’d say in various forms. They wanted me to struggle, to scream and cry. I wasn’t going to give them that as long as I could. If I didn’t know what I knew, I’d be crying and screaming too. There’s nothing wrong with it. No one should have this happen to them. But I’m waiting. I heard him unzip himself. He grabbed my thighs and slapped them again, hard and shoved himself into me. I wanted to scream. The pain shot through me like a bullet. It felt like I was being ripped apart. My eyes welled up. But I had to keep them back. I closed them and turned my head again. 

My eyes shot open as a hand met my face. The slap was loud and hard, my ear was ringing and the vision in my eye was blurry. One of them hit me... Baldy hit me. Then grabbed my face and forced it forward again “Eyes open, beautiful,” he huffed. I wanted to vomit. Shorty sat in the corner and watched. Waiting for his turn. “You’re pretty. Even with that hair,” Baldy spoke again. I did what I could to remember something good. Be somewhere else as this horrible, traumatizing event happened. 

I thought of my sister and Mama. Mandy’s actually Amanda, but she wanted to be like me and has gone by Mandy since she was about 4. I hope they’re ok... And I hope they found Aaron... My Mama’s smart, she’d go to the FBI if she thought something was wrong... I wish I was there right now. I’d Run up to them and hug them like I hadn’t seen them in years. Introduce them to Aaron as we prepared for a secret getaway. Which honestly, wouldn’t be that much of a secret by the end... What I wouldn’t give to see them again. Go to another convention and cosplay with Mandy. To be held and kissed by Aaron. A tear escaped my eye and rolled down my cheek, hitting the table as I stared at that tiny window. 

Why is it that rape is the first thing men do when they can? Why is it that this thing that’s supposed to be fun and wonderful for consenting adults, why is it that they use it to destroy someone... women, children, even other men. Sex shouldn’t be weaponized, yet it's often used in the most horrific ways.

All of a sudden, the air left my lungs. I was straining against the belts trying to reach the spot where the blow landed, trying to catch my breath. Baldy had hit me in the side of the stomach as he reached his climax. /-/-/-/-/-/-/ 

I struggled to catch my breath as they high fived and laughed. My vagina hurt, badly. It felt like fire and knives down there. If I could feel myself, it’d be swollen in the worst way, barely recognizable, and painful to the touch. “Man, they feel good when they tighten up like that,” Baldy said. “Better hurry up, we gotta be back in a few,” He warned. Shorty jumped onto the table, stranding both sides of my chest. My breathing started to normalize again, but the pain was still there. “Why wont you cry? Are you broken? Ya know we aint gonna judge you for crying out,” he said, hands on his hips. He started slapping my face back and forth while saying “come on...come on...let it out. No need for this macho shit, you fucking dyke”. It stung bad. And then it really began to hurt as he slapped harder. “Alright, alright. Ok. I swear, if you bite me... I’ll break all your teeth,” he threaten. I tried to turn my head away, but he hit me again then forced my mouth open. In that moment... I realized... My legs weren’t tied. It’s worth a shot... 

With everything I had in me, I thrust my pelvis forward, contracting my stomach and threw my legs up, wrapping them around Shorty’s neck. I locked them and flung him off the end of the table. He hit the ground hard and screamed. “Brian! Brian! Are you ok, man!? What the fuck! That was amazing” Baldy yelled, running over to the monster I now know as Brian. He helped a very pissed Brian to his feet. His face bleeding. “The fucking Cunt broke my fucking nose! She broke my fucking nose!” he kept yelling. Baldy couldn’t contain his laughter, as he tried to help his buddy with a towel or rag he pulled off a nearby box, “Put your head back,” he told him. “I’m gonna kill her...Imma kill the Bitch!” he threatened. “Hey, Hey. We don’t have time for that right now. Gotta get you cleaned up before we get back to work. We’ll deal with it later,” Baldy let him know. “We’ll be back in a few hours. She’ll still be here,” he added. 

Brian was so infuriated. He jumped onto the table again and this time hit me in the face so hard I passed out.

\------------ 

“This is what she presented in Seattle?” Rossi asked. “Yes. Though I'm assuming there’s more in there now,” Hotch answered. “Did she say anything at all about what she was onto exactly?” Rossi continued. “No. Garcia filled me in on what she knew and Andy told me very little,” Hotch replied. Rossi continued looking over the papers in hand. 

Hotch called the other car and Garcia, “What are you guys seeing right now?” he asked. “She was definitely onto something. There’s a pattern here. Every 5 to 7 months 3 women in the same town or relative area, go missing and are found about 3 days later. They are sexually assaulted and tortured in various ways then drowned in a nearby ocean, river or lake. The bodies are generally found together, though some have been found spread out within a few miles of the other. These guys are definitely serial killers and have been doing this for quite some time. The fact that Seattle wouldn’t listen is curious,” Reid answered. “Do you see a connection? How we might find her?” Hotch questioned. His voice, though even, was riddled with worry and fear. No one seemed to notice, but Rossi did. Perhaps because he was there? He could see the fear his friend was trying to hide. He even admitted to himself that he was scared, that the outcome didn’t look good. But they had to do their job and keep hoping they were wrong. 

JJ was having flash backs to when she was abducted and tortured. She felt terrified for these women, and the woman that she now has come to know somewhat as a friend. “It sounds horrible, but if they’ve completed their 3 with Andy, and for the sake of over optimism, we should at least have 2 days before they... finish the routine. That gives us time,” JJ added, trying to add the hope to a dire situation. “Does that timeline still stand when unsubs know who she is?” Reid questioned. Everyone went silent. That hadn’t occurred to them until now. “Sir, what can I do?” Garcia asked somberly. She wants to help. But doesn’t know what more she could do. “Can you find her rental car?” Hotch asked. Finally, something helpful, she hopes. “I’ll call the rental company to see if I can pull the travel logs as well”. She hung up. 

They were so close. Only 30 minutes until arrival as they continued their journey in silence. 

\---------------------- 

_“Hey, Sir. Heard you needed to see me. What’s up?” Andy asked, peering into Hotch’s office. He’s so handsome, she thought, and a really good unit chief. “Yes, come in,” Hotch replied. He stood and walked around his desk, stopping and leaning back against it. It was weird, he was wearing white pants. She giggled to herself at the sight. But he looked angry. “Agent Kolby, what were you thinking?” he asked. His arms crossed his chest. She’d come to admire the Hotch stare, but not when it’s being used on her. She had no idea what he was talking about. “I’m sorry, Sir?” she replied. He walked closer to her. Andy didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know what she did wrong. Was it that case?? She didn’t know. He closed the door behind her. “What were you thinking?” he said again. Andy was so confused. She turned and looked up into his eyes. She felt scared, what did she do? “You can’t wear that to the beach,” he smiled. Kissing her hard. “Andy, I want you. I love you,” he breathily voiced in between kisses. He backed her onto the desk then pulled away. They were on a beach, and he was wearing a white suit and no tie. His favorite shades and no shoes. “So, this is what you wear to the beach?” she asked. He smiled and went to kiss her again, but he was so far away. “No! Come back._ _.. please_ _...” she begged. He tried again, but he couldn’t reach her. “Aaron! Please!” she screamed._

I startled myself awake. “Fuck. I’m still here,” I groaned. My face, and everything else, hurt like a mother fucker. “Are you ok?” Jade and Allison asked. “You been out a while,” Jade added. My arm was scrapped up pretty good. Ouch. My thigh too. “They threw you,” Allison informed me. I sat up and leaned back against the pole I was chained to. “I hurt one of them,” I let them know. I winced at nearly every movement. “Are you really FBI?” they asked. I nodded, then spit, trying to get the taste of blood from my mouth. “That means they’re looking for you, right?” Their words yearning for hope. Do I tell them that statistically us being found before we’re murdered is lower than being found dead... I’m so happy Spencer's not here right now. They need hope, not facts. I honestly didn’t know if the BAU was searching for us yet, but one can only hope they were, that Aaron was. “Yeah, we have the best team in the world searching for us. Just... hold on,” I assured them. He's gonna find us. 

\---------------------- 

“Agent Hotchner?” Captain Moore asked, greeting the team at the door. “We have a place for you to set up. You also need to know, we found a body this morning,” Moore added. Hotch’s heart stopped. He stared intensely at the Captain, waiting for the next words. The team waited in horror. It was only a second before the captain finished his sentence, but it was the longest second, “She’s one of the missing women Agent Kolby came down to look into. Coroners looking her over now,” he ended. “Were there signs of drowning?” Reid asked. “Unclear at this time. We found her in the park, near the Safeway about 20 minutes ago,” Moore answered. “Oh, here’s the address where the women went missing,” Moore said, handing Hotch a paper. “Is there anywhere else she said she was going? That she inquired about?” Hotch asked. “Uh, she asked about the shipping yard and the cannery. She didn’t really elaborate. I’ll get you those addresses,” Moore said leaving. “I understand that it may be difficult under the circumstances, however, we need look at this as if it’s a fresh case,” Hotch said to the team as they settled into the room, knowing he’s mostly just telling himself. 

“What’s the significance of the water?” Morgan asked, “Every victims been drowned. Why though? There are many ways to kill someone, but every one of these victims drowned”. “And the dresses. All of these women are wearing summer dresses. Even the ones found in the fall and winter,” JJ added. “They’re traditionalizing them. Forcing them into a gender role in which they think these women have thrown away?” Rossi suggested. “That would make sense. Every one of these victims whether a wife, mother or single, have one thing in common, they’re employed. But not just employed, but employed with good jobs. Managers. Teller’s. Realtors. Etc. Now to some of us, tellers or cashiers may not seem high ranking, but they still have power to turn you away for business, and depending on the place of business, higher pay,” Reid offered. Some men are threatened by women that have potential control or authority in a situation, though if a male were in the same position, they would be ok with whatever outcome. 

“Coroner’s report. The woman found today, Megan Anderson, died of anaphylactic shock. No water in her lungs,” Moore notified the team. “Accidental death. Taking Kolby, was it coincidence? Victim of opportunity? Or did they target her?” Morgan asked. “What if they were dumping the body and went back to work, hearing that Kolby, a Fed, was looking around?” JJ followed. “Garcia, what do you have for me?” Hotch asked answering his phone. “I found her car. Sent you location,” She answered. “Thank you. Garcia, will you cross reference the employees from the cannery and the shipping yard with any similar facilities in or near the cities in which all victims were taken?” He asked. “That will take some time. But I’m on it! Bye!” and she was gone. “What is it, Aaron?” Rossi asked. “Andy worked in Alaska on a fishing Vessel, she mentioned the cannery employees were contracted just like the vessels. When their contracts were up, they’d either go home, go to another cannery or re-sign for the same one for a specific duration like the boats. What if the unsubs are contracted workers? That would explain the times... they wait until they’re about to leave,” he threw out. “She’s had an array interesting employment. Did you know she also does Costume Design when she has the chance and used to sell cars? She was also a Fire Fighter. Wrote and directed short films..” Reid informed them. “JJ, take Reid, go to the diner. Morgan head to the Bank. David, with me. We’re taking the Cannery. That also happens to be where Andy’s car is,” He finished, cutting off Reid. 

\--------------------------- 

Allison screamed as they unchained her. “Don’t touch her!” I yelled, jumping as far as I could at them. Allison and Jade were chained to the other pole in the room. I could reach her. I tried grabbing Brain. But I guess he was still pissed about earlier, because he backed handed me pretty good and kicked me a few times while I was down. 

“Don’t” I growled. I managed to get back to my feet. “Dumb bitch don’t know how to stay down,” Baldy spit. He gets a real kick of this. He seems to always be laughing. Brian has a short fuse. “Fine, Cunt. You wanna take her place? I owe you back anyway! Did you see what you did?” he yelled. He grabbed me by the hair and yanked my head back. Baldy locked Allison back up and walked over. “Let's have some fun, we got a sometime,” Brian finished. “Come on,” he said. Dragging me along. 

I couldn’t breathe. He was cruel and defiantly paid me back in rage for what I did to him earlier. I vomited once he was done. “Ya think she learned her lesson, Mark?” Brian asked Baldy, who I now know is Mark. He got off me and walked away. My eyes watered and my throat was swollen from the violence I just allowed to happen. The vomiting made it worse. 

“Did I ever tell you what my favorite animal is?” Brian asked Mark. Mark shook his head. “It’s an Octopus,” he continued. I could see the confusion on Marks face as to why he was saying this. Brian came back to the table and sat on a stool next to it. He looked at my arm and nodded, smirking. “They let you have tattoos in FBI?” he asked rhetorically. “You got some nice ink,” he looked at me, a bandage on his nose. Must of split it too. Good. 

He lit a cigarette “Do you like octopi?” he asked. “It’s Octopuses. You fucking idiot,” I responded. My voice hoarse. It hurt but it was worth it. He was furious. Brian grabbed my wrist and held it there as he put his lit cigarette out on it. I held back a scream. I squirmed though. “I wanna see how many it’ll take to make you scream. You wanted to take their place... then your wish is my command, Special Agent.” he said with venom. 

I stared at the window as he continued. The pain was immense and I winced and squirmed as he went on. It was nearly dark now. 

He did 1 row of burns all the way up to my arm pit. 24 to be exact. Brian took a break so Mark could rape me again. This time my legs were bound to the table. And it hurts. My back was in excruciating agony as he pounded his grotesque body against mine. Only adding to it. It was so hard to imagine being anywhere else. My eyes betrayed me as the tears continued to stream. 

Once Mark finished, Brian walked back over and sat down, lit his cigarette and continued with a second row of burns "You almost look like an octopus," he said. I attempted to muffle the screams that made it to my swollen throat, but I'm getting tired. 

He completed the second row. I don’t know how long it took, but it’s dark now and has been for a while. He seemed happy with his work. Getting Mark to take a look at it all proud. “Imma do her face next,” Brian said, bringing a lit cig near my face. I didn’t flinch. Though I was weak, I still stared him down. “Whoa, Whoa. Why you always trying to fuck their faces up? I like their faces,” Mark stopped him. “He hates women differently than you do,” I said gruffly, trying to clear my voice, but it wasn’t doing anything except hurting. “What?” Mark asked. He looked amused. “Ok, what’s his deal?” he smirked. “You were the runt in a pack of boys. Your mother most likely was abused by your father, told she was too pretty perhaps? Left your father for another man, probably a better man. And she left you with him... Your poor Hygiene suggests girls never paid attention to you and if they did, they weren’t what you wanted, you only wanted beautiful women like your mother. Too many pretty girls tell you no?” I managed to say with a smirk. 

Brian jumped at me to hit me? Burn me?... I don’t know, but he got close. Spitting in my face. Yelling obscenities over and over. All the names. His rotting hot breath and saliva hit my face. I turned my head as he got closer. He forced me to look at him. But his dumb ass got too close... He let out a blood curdling scream after I head butted his broken nose. 

In truth, it didn’t take much effort, thank God. I know what this can do. But... I want to go out fighting if I have to…. if I’m going to die... “Dumbshit,” Mark laughed, “You really let her get to you”. Brians nose gushed as Mark continued laughing. He grabbed a knife from his pocket and came at me. “You think this is funny! I’m gonna make you pay bitch, then I'm gonna take it out on your little friends in the next room!” he yelled. I screamed when the blade pierced my cheek and he cut upwards to my forehead. “That’s right, cunt!” he yelled “Not so tough now! Not so pretty!”. “Ok, Ok. That’s enough for now. Let’s get some food, it’s gonna be a long night. We gotta make sure Roberts on tonight too,” Mark said, easing Brian off me. Huffing and smiling, Brian backed off, “I’ll see you later, FBI...” he taunted.

They threw me back into the room with Allison and Jade, clasping me back into the chain and leaving. 

“Are you alright?” they asked, trying to reach me. I laid in the fetal position for a while. The strain my legs and back suffered... however long was I in there with them... It's difficult to move. My arm burns... my face stings and is bleeding. “I’m ok. It’ll be fine,” I replied. I laid there and thought about Brians knife. It could be accessed... maybe? And who’s Roberts? A 3rd accomplice? An unknowing participant?” I tried to remember moments before I was knocked out. I see a face.... I think... but it’s not one that we’ve seen here... 

\--------------------------- 

“Excuse me, we need to speak with the person that one of my Agents spoke too earlier today,” Hotch told the woman at the front desk. “We close up in about 10 minutes. I can see if the foreman’s still here,” she said. “Were you here earlier today when she was here?” Rossi asked. “Yes, she spoke with Foreman Rollins. One sec” she answered. The woman made a phone and hung up. “He’s on his way down” she told them.

“Did she ask you anything?” Hotch inquired. “She asked me if there may be anybody new that’s about to leave, but I don’t deal in that department. Sorry,” she answered. Rossi smiled and thanked her. Hotch was unusually silent. 

They waited in silence until Rollins showed up. “Hello, Gentlemen. What can I do for ya?” he asked. “The agent that was here before, what did she want?” Hotch questioned. “Oh, uh. Not the sweetest little lady,” he started. “Special Agent,” Hotch corrected him. “Yes, of course. Special Agent Kolby was askin about my employees. The contracted ones,” he went on. Rollins told her she needed a warrant for names, but that he couldn’t think of anyone off hand that came contracted together. And that he suggested heading to the Shipping yard. They have different staffing there. Which she never made it too. 

The car was unlocked “So much for worrying about getting in. This also probably means that she unlocked it and was abducted right after,” Rossi suggested. Hotch got in and looked around, searching for anything. On the passenger's seat was the kitten covered binder Garcia put together for Andy the night before. He turned on the car light and opened it up. The first page had the addresses of the stops she’d made in the morning. And in the corner a small sun was drawn with an H written in the middle... He ran his finger over it for a second, his heart saddened, but snapped out of it and flipped through the rest of the pages. 

“Hey, that was Garcia, she didn’t find any on the employees list. What do you want to do?” Rossi asked. “Call her back, have her look into the shipping yard as well. Also, have her cross reference all the employees there and here with interviewed witnesses throughout all cases,” Hotch replied. 

“There’s no sign of a struggle. Do you think she went off with one of them voluntarily?” Rossi asked, “No, I don’t think she would. She knows the game like we do. She’d never do something like that,” answering his own question. “Ok, let’s meet everyone back at the station,” Hotch said. 

“We watched the surveillance videos from the diner. Allison Cooper was approached by a man. He talked to her for a few minutes then she walks off with him. No one sees her again. The man is not identifiable, the footage is so grainy, however, we sent it to Garcia just in case,” JJ said. “Same with Megan. She went in to make a deposit. Except as far as surveillance shows, she wasn’t approached. She got into her car and left. It's between her getting into her and driving around the corner that she disappears” Morgan follows. “Blitz attack? Draw her away, have his partner attack from behind?” Rossi threw out. “What about the other victim? She was already in her car, driving away” JJ said. “Who would you stop for?” Reid asked. “injured people... or...” Rossi paused. “Someone in uniform..” Hotch said. Rossi nodded, “Yes. A uniform is perfect. It makes me people feel comfortable, safe.” “That’s a huge list in a town like this,” Morgan said worryingly. 

“Sir, I can do it. But that is a whole lot of people. That's gonna take some time. And as for the Shipping yard... I’m sorry... Everyone employed is local and have lived here for years,” Garcia told him. “We’re looking for two Caucasian males, roughly 35 to 45. They're not over achievers and will never stand out. They do their jobs and get by, flying under the radar. And for the last 15 years they've been working together at the same job,” Hotch replied. “That will help a whole lot, Sir,” she said. “Anything else?” she added. Hotch said no and they hung up. How do they have nothing. They know who they’re looking for, in profile that is, but it’s not helping. At least it doesn’t seem to be. Hotch stared at the first page in Andy’s binder. She has written out scattered, 

-Addresses. (They checked those out) 

-Cannery. (Seems to be a dead end.) 

-Shipping yard (closed until 6am and Garcia also says there’s no one there that fits.) 

Security – Cameras 

\--------------- 

They haven’t been back in a while. The girls were asleep. I spent, however long its been since I was able to move again without wanting to cry, looking for something in here that could help. It's like they cleaned it out before they brought us here. Not even a discarded nail...

My eyes are so heavy... I’m almost afraid that if I sleep, I won’t wake up. Or I'll wake up back up in here. I fear that because I was so stupid...So STUPID to come alone. But my logical brain sort of kicked in... This never happens. It was just some questions. This should never have happened. Spencer would know the chances of this happening. I wish he was here. 

Tomorrow I’ll wake up in a resort hotel with Aaron... while sister and Jack laugh in the next room and my Mama telling them to shush, because we’re still sleeping. We’ll have breakfast and go to the theme park, Disney or Universal... it doesn’t matter now. And then we’ll watch the fireworks at the magic kingdom or Hogwarts.... and spend the night holding each other again. Then Sunday! I’ll see Hotch on the beach... I chuckled softly to myself as a tear fell from my closed, exhausted eyes. 


	6. My missing Heart Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “There isn't any questioning the fact that some people enter your life, at the exact point of need, want or desire - it's sometimes a coincidence and most times fate, but whatever it is, I am certain it came to make me smile.” ― Nikki Rowe

CONTINUED: Part 2 

“You haven’t eaten, Aaron. Take a break. 15 minutes. That’s all I ask. Then we’ll come back to it,” Rossi softly pleaded. Hotch looked up to see the team was gone. “Where is everyone?” he asked. “I told everyone to go get some sleep. Take a break. Which you should be doing as well,” Rossi answered, “15 minutes...There’s a 24-hour deli next door. Come on” 

It was just after midnight. Everyone had been up for a normal work day since at least 6 am. It’s been a long, exhausting day. They sat down near a propane heater outside the deli. Rossi took a bite of his BMT hoagie. Hotch just sat there, holding his hoagie and staring out into the distance. From where they sat, flickering lights from anchored boats in the harbor could be seen. “You know what I did this past, uninterrupted weekend?” Rossi asked a very lost Hotch. He snapped out of it, mostly... Shaking his head “No, I don’t. How was your weekend, David?” Hotch asked with faux curiosity. His mind elsewhere. 

“Well, since you asked,” a sassy Rossi started, “Do you remember my friend, Clarina, from Friday night?” he asked. Hotch nodded, still staring out at the harbor. “We spent a very lovely night together, followed by a wonderful breakfast before she had to get back to work. I then tried to write for the rest of the day and most of Sunday. Sunday night, Clarina accompanied me for dinner. We arrived at the place, to find it nearly empty. There were a few people in the corner near the stage and on the other side, a lovely, beautiful couple laughing and dancing to what I believe was a Nickelback song,” Rossi paused; a smirk on his face as he looked to over to his distant friend. 

The face that was set in stone as it looked out into the nothingness of the harbor, softened. A tear sat in the corner of his eye, yet he was unmoving. Remembering that very night. Every moment she looked up into his eyes and smiled, because he made her happy, because he was happy... she was happy. “Aaron, I hadn’t seen you smile like that in a long time. You deserve to be happy. And she looked very happy. I get the feeling that was also the first time in a long time for her as well,” Rossi said. His voice supportive. Hotch looked over to meet his old friend's knowing eyes. “Don’t worry, outside of Penelope and myself, I don’t think anyone else knows,” Rossi said before he could say anything. “And even if they did, they want you to be happy. When Erin and I... We were seeing each other for well over a year before she was murdered. And it was a very happy time. She was sober and we were enjoying life, like she hadn’t in too many years. She was worth the “ _risk_ ”. Andy’s a tough girl, Aaron. We’re gonna find her,” he added, trying to reassure him. 

With confused, sad, puppy dog eyes, Hotch opened up “I can’t explain it David...” he started. Every thought ran through his mind. Was everything he’s thinking because of the current situation; the fear of losing her or does he really feel the way he does? How does one differentiate such feelings? How did he feel before she went missing? He knows how he feels. But it can’t be...There’s no such thing... he’s a logical man. His life depends on being logical, but also thinking the way an illogical man would. He can’t come to terms with something such as Love at first sight... Then...what is this inside him? “You don’t have to explain anything, Aaron...But I’m here to listen,” Rossi’s friendly tone overwhelming. It’s so frustrating that he has that effect on people. Even someone like Hotch. 

They talked a while longer. Rossi could feel the wave of caring that rolled of Hotch as he spoke. This man needed to talk to someone, keeping in what was troubling him, even more so than it being about just a coworker, but a friend in peril, someone he’s come to truly care about in such a short time. “I don’t think she knows, David. I feel like I’m crazy. Now I understand why the Bureau doesn’t want this kind of thing to happen between agents,” he sighed. 

“That’s bullshit and you know it. You would react the same if it were any of us. Do you remember when Reid was abducted? JJ? You were just as you are now, the only difference is, your heart sits in a little bit of a difference place,” Rossi retorted. Hotch took a deep breath and cleared his throat. Standing and looking around, he straightened up and switched on his SSA Hotchner mode. “I need to get back. Please, go to the hotel and get some sleep,” Hotch told Rossi. Rossi was stuck. He wanted to stay up and work the case. Lord knows he knew Hotch wasn’t going to go to bed anytime soon. But he also knew that sleep was very important with what they do. “Aaron, you’re no good to her if you can’t see straight. If you can’t think. Just rest a short while. We’ll be back in a few hours,” Rossi cooed. Hotch heard his words, and he knew he was right. 

Hotch laid there. Tossing and turning. He couldn’t stop thinking about her notes. Or anything else for that matter. He fell asleep for a few minutes but woke from a nightmare. He fell asleep again and woke yet again from another nightmare. “AH!” he yelled out. Sweat soaked him from head to toe, surely, he wasn’t going to sleep. How could he. He got up and went to the shower. 

The hot water felt good. It reminded him of their showers together. He closed his eyes and leaned in, letting the scolding liquid run over his head and down his lean body. 

_“What kind of movies do you write, when you do? And what is Fan fic?” Hotch asked, soaping her up as he spoke. “We’ll, we know I love Horror movies, so I wrote a few movies and shot some short versions, they weren’t that good, but it was fun. And Fan fic... is basically taking characters from anything, usually a film, tv show or book and writing your own story,” Andy Replied. She’s so amazing. Learning about who she is has been fascinating to say the least. She’s done so much and she’s so young. “I’m trying to wrap my head around this Fan fiction thing, you’ve written stories based off other stories?” He asked. “Yeah, I’m not much of a writer. My grammar and punctuation aren’t that great. Anytime I worked somewhere and I've had to write up reports or something without pre-laid out sheets, I get a lot of ‘What the fuck is this?’,” she said, but was interrupted “Yeah, I’ve read your reports,” He jested. Andy growled and tickled him, in which he grabbed her and kissed her. “Anyway... I try. I just like to write. I wrote one about some Marvel characters, per my friends’ request and one following those SAW movies. I like those... I know, it’s sick, but the lead detective in the later movies is hot. I can’t help it. We all have fantasies of another life, or loves or whatever and writings a good way to get it out...” She laughed. She’s so beautiful when she’s excited..._

In that moment, a something occurred to him. What if it wasn’t Security Cameras she wrote, what if it was Security?... Cameras...? He jumped out of the shower, running to his phone and calling Garcia. “Sir? What’s happened?” She asked with sleepy tone. “I know you’re home, but when you did the employee check, did that include security at both facilities?” Hotch asked. “One sec...” she said, crawling to her personal laptop. She opened it and looked up her recent search. “Uh. No, Sir. It looks like they’re not employed through either facility,” she answered. Hotch thought for a moment. There has to be security. Facility that big... “What about contracted?” He asked. “OMG, Yes! Eagle wings Security...” she answered. “Garcia, can you search their data base? Whatever you need to do,” He asked and waited on the line while she furiously typed away. “Oh my God...Sir....” she quivered out. “What is it?” he questioned. “The company spans the US. They service every single city on the list...” she answered. “Garcia, find them,” he said and hung up. 

Hotch pounded on Rossi’s door. “What... What is it, Aaron?” A groggy Rossi asked opening the door. “We know who they are,” Hotch said. 

Hotch and the team went to the employee housing Brian and Mark we’re registered to. It was 4:13am when they arrived to the complex. Upon entering each of the suspects apartments, they found them to be empty. 

“Garcia, get a trace on their phones. When do they work next?” Hotch barked. 

“Sir, their phones are off. And yesterday was their last day,” she replied quickly. “Where were they stationed?” he asked. “Both the cannery and shipping yard,” she answered. 

\--------------------- 

“Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!” we heard coming from the other room. It was muffled by the door, but it was Brian and Mark. They came crashing into the room, running at the 3 of us. Jade and Allison screamed. “We should just do them right now and get out of here!” Brian screamed, his knife to my throat. “No! Just bring them! Roberts will take care of the Feds,” Mark yelled. 

My heart... Aaron’s here! 

They unshackled us and pushed us through the door and into the next room. Eventually we were outside. It’s still dark. What time is it? “We’re saving you for last,” Brian taunted in my ear as he held tightly onto me and continued holding the knife at my throat, “Not so tough now huh?” 

The ground was muddy, it squished through my toes as well stumbled through. Mark led the way, gun in hand. 

There were shipping containers everywhere and a few strange out buildings on pilings on the other side of the yard, behind stacked containers. This is my last chance. Maybe I could get at least one of them out... 

I threw my arm back, hitting Brian in the dick, then the nose again, what a fucking idiot, “Run!” I yelled to the 2 women. Mark tried to aim his gun at whomever, but I pushed Brian into him. He fell back and his gun went flying into a pile of aluminum. FUCK!!! NO! It was too dark; I couldn’t see the knife either. I gave up and ran away. I didn’t know where we were, where out was, so I ran towards the buildings. 

Just before the buildings, I found Jade as I rounded a corner. I grabbed her hand and with her now in tow, we slipped behind a black tattered tarp, under the one of the buildings. There’s an opening!! Some sort of opening to the water could be seen at the back. We crawled through the broken fencing. It was disgusting, the mud was deep and excessive. The smell of ocean and...something else was strong. Sickening... We could see a rock wall at the back side of the building, closed off by fencing. We sloshed our way back. Hoping, praying there was a way out. Suddenly I stopped. I could hear one of the guys yelling, he was pissed off. And nearby. 

Jade was freaking out. I shoved her behind a decrepit wall or something. I motioned for her to stay quiet, no matter what. I hid behind a piling nearby. I could see him walking back and forth in the yard we just came from; he’s looking for the opening. “FUUUUUCK!!! You FUCKING BITCH!” he yelled. I’m covered in mud and scrapes from crawling through the opening in the fence. It stings, but I might just be covered enough to blend in enough to the darkness around me. I looked for Jade, but she disappeared into the shadows. The waves crashed against the rock wall, muffling any sound we or Brian were making. I can feel my heart pounding in my ears. 

He entered, crouching and looking around. The sun began to rise up. It’s gonna be harder to hide. Brian was having a difficult time walking in the mud because he’s so pissed. This is good. He walked past me to look around behind the wall. I jumped him, hitting his head into a pole or some part of the wall. It shattered as we went down. He turned over, trying to get the best of me. I picked up a bar a metal I landed on. He got up and I jabbed him in the stomach with it. He went down again, face first. Without wasting the moment, I forced his face into the mud. I could hear him choking on it. ‘GOOD!! YOU FUCKING CUNT’ I thought. I ran the bar into this back. He let out a mud filled scream. I pulled the bar out and stared down at him. He tried to crawl away; this was never happening again. I forced the bar through his body once more...then again and again. The waves muffled his screaming. The final blow went through the back of his head, his mouth and into the ground. He finally stopped moving. Breathing heavily and shaking, I felt a hand on my arm. I nearly killed Jade as I turned around, ready to attack. There was blood spatter on my face and on the visible parts of my dress. I realized it was Jade and snapped back. 

There’s a flimsy piece of fencing in the corner near where we stood. We pulled on it, opening it further. I got Jade through; the rocks were low enough, she could get over. “Come out or I'll kill her right now!” Mark yelled from outside the building. I looked back to Jade, she’s terrified “Come with me!” she begged. “Go... don’t go up to anyone who's alone... Just in case,” I warned. Who knows how long the rock wall was or where she’d end up, but there’s at least the 1... “Wait,” I said, before she reluctantly turned to go. I did everything I could to hold back tears... but my eyes swelled against my will anyway “Tell Hotch, thank you... for opening my heart... and that I'm gonna need a raincheck... He’ll know what that means” I forced a smile. “Get out here, 10..9...” Mark yelled. He's counting down. “Go!” I urged her. I took a deep breath and walked towards the opening where he stood. 

He’s gonna kill her anyway. Why didn’t I just go with Jade? …. Because I know I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I left her behind...If there was a chance... 

I bet you’re wondering why I didn’t say “Tell my mom and sister I love them”... they already know. Every day I tell them. It’s nice to know that my last thoughts will be of them and the man with the most beautiful brown puppy dog eyes. 

“I’m here. Don’t...” I said, coming out from under the building. It was light out now. Allison was on the ground, hair in Mark’s hand. He had a very muddy gun aimed at her head. “Where’s the black one?!” he inquired. I looked around with a faux worried and confused face. “I hope she got out,” I spit at him. He rubbed his head with gun in hand, he’s freaking out now for sure. I tried to get closer but he aimed the gun at me. There’s a small chance that it’s jammed up and wont fire... but I can’t take that risk just yet. “Where’s Brian?” I asked. His eyes narrowed in on me, “You’re not gonna get me like you got him,” he said, forcing the gun into Allisons mouth. I cowardly bowed my head and walked towards him “What if I just give up and you let her go?” my voice begged. “Kill a fed for you end game? I won't fight anymore,” I added. “When we get to the gate, I’ll might let her go. Now come on,” he ordered. 

\---------------------------- 

“FBI. We need to enter this facility. Open the gate,” Hotch ordered of the Security guy. “I’m sorry, I can’t let you in. Not without a warrant or permission from the owners,” he said. “Garcia, get us in,” Morgan said into his cell. 

Hotch paced, waiting for what they needed. She had to be here, and every moment was being wasted on this bullshit. Reid stared at the security officer. He’d seen him before, but he couldn’t recall where. 

“Help... Help me please...” a strained voice yelled from a distance. The team looked up to see a woman in a dirty dress, crying and falling trying to reach them. The team ran over, “I’m Agent Hotchner with the FBI..” he stated. “FBI!! Oh my God,” she cried, relief rushing through her body “Thank you... Thank you GOD”. “Was there an FBI agent with you?” Hotch urgently inquired. She nodded fast “yeah, she got me out... Wait... are you Hotch?” she asked. Her mind was frantic, but through her tears she managed, hopefully, to remember the words of the woman that saved her. “Yes, yes. Where is she?” He yelled. “She said to tell you Thank you...,” Jade shivered out. Hotch stopped and stared intently, he didn’t want to hear this. But he needed to hear what she had to say. “And... that you made her heart open... and... erg… she needs a raincheck? And said you would know what that meant...” she finished. EMS rushed with blankets and took her from his grasp. “Fuck the warrant. We’re going in,” Hotch yelled running back to the gate. “Open it up now,” he growled through gnashed teeth. The Guard shook his head smugly, “I can’t”. 

“Hotch, he’s the guy from the video, the one that came up to Allison Graves,” Reid finally realized. Fear ran across the guards' face. He went to grab his side arm, but Morgan beat him too it “Don’t even think about it. Unlock the gate, now. Or I unlock your head with a bullet,” he threatened. 

\---------------------------- 

I doubt he’s going to let her go. Maybe I'm trying to buy time? You can’t buy time... there’s no such thing. “Here’s good enough,” he said, stopping just outside the back gate. There’s a gravel road built up on the water that led from the gate and disappeared behind trees in the distance. It’s breezy and the sun’s out. 

For a second, I imagined we were on a beach, Aarons running with Jack and he’s wearing tight little red shorts, Aaron...not Jack. Mandy’s building a sand castle and Moms talking to some hot local silver fox. They’re so happy. 

I took one last breath as I turned to face Mark. He was gonna kill her, I could see it in his face. I let out a battle cry as I lunged at him, ramming Brians pocket knife into his leg. He shrieked, grabbing where I stabbed him. The gun went off and Allison went down. I ran that knife into his neck and twisted. He fell backwards gripping the gushing wound when the gun went off again. It fell a few feet from us. I could grab it... or... 

I straddled his chest and jammed that knife into him relentlessly. I don’t know how any times I stabbed him... There’s so much blood, but I wasn’t going to stop.... Until I did? 

What’s that?... My head snapped up, adrenaline pumping through every part of my body. I thought I heard my name... Aaron? 

Ignoring the flesh I was just ripping apart; I got to my feet. The adrenaline subsided quickly, I felt weary... dizzy all of a sudden. It’s like a dream... fuzzy and surreal. 

My side hurts. I searched for the source of the stinging, amongst the other pain in my body. 

“Andy” I heard again. My head was slow to rise... So, Aaron does wear work clothes to the beach... 

\------------------- 

She came into sight, covered in mud and soaked in blood. His focused, determined eyes fell upon her as did the feeling of relief, but it was short lived. “Andy!!” he yelled, as she fell to the ground. “Not again!!” he involuntarily yelled before running to her at full speed. He slid to her side, taking her into his arms; fear and the overwhelming anguish at the sight of her lifeless body nearly crippling him. 

The team didn’t know what to do, they watched as their own hearts dropped. Not just at the sight of their fallen comrade, but now at the heart wrenching sight of their longtime boss and friend. EMS was on their way in, but it seemed like it was taking an eternity for them to reach her. Hotch desperately held onto Andy as he cried out to the skies, “Please... Please... GOD Please... Not again... Please don’t take her from me, GOD PLEASE!”. His head rested on hers as they rocked back and forth. Tears uncontrollably streamed down his mud and blood solid face. 

“She’s alive!” Morgan yelled. Allison was alive. 

A faint whisper let out from tired lips, stopping Hotch in his movements “we’ve gotta stop finding each other like this, Aaron,” she smiled weakly. His breath hitched as he laughed hysterically, pushing the matted hair from her face. Words escaped him. He wanted to say everything. How sorry he was for taking so long to find her. How when the idea of her missing nearly drowned him. That if she were dead, he would be paralyzed in life. But how does one convey something like that? This connection they have shouldn’t exist. But this too was short lived. Hotch watched helplessly as the life faded from her eyes. “No!” he begged. 

Saddened and scared brown eyes of the beautiful man she could have loved, disappeared as the surrounding light engulfed them, pulling her into the cold of darkness. 

To be continued....


	7. Lost and Found

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Once you don’t have freedom and you’re obliged to do many things you don’t want, and it becomes a routine, then your identity is at stake because you can feel that you are not anymore yourself, that you are what they want you to be – and you can lose yourself.” - Ingrid Betancourt

“She’s got a pulse!” one of the EMTs shouted, “Sir, you need to let go!”. Hotch released her quickly, allowing them do their job. Rossi and Reid helped him to his feet, “I’m going with her” he said, stumbling after the gurney. “I’ll come with you,” Rossi said. 

They were able to keep her heart going, but she's losing blood and is very weak. Rossi watched as Hotch held her hand, never taking his eyes off her. He saw what losing Hayley did to him... He couldn’t imagine Aaron going through that again and making it out as he did. 

Flashes of Hayley did hit Hotch’s mind. It’s not that he sees Andy as Hayley, not even in the same realm. They’re two different people. Two different feelings he holds in his heart. But he couldn’t help but think ‘How could this be happening again?’ 

“Sir. You can’t come back here,” a nurse yelled, ripping Aaron from Andy’s hand. Rossi pulled Aaron back as the staff rushed her through double doors. “Her pulse is dropping!” one of the medical staff yelled as they disappeared around a corner... 

The scene in the lobby was all too familiar only this time it was Hotch pacing. “Candice. It’s Aaron Hotchner. We... We found Andy. She’s in surgery now. I can have a car bring you down,” he spoke into his cell, able to maintain a steady voice. They exchanged a few more words and he hung up. Rossi walked over, gauging the other people in the lobby. They were staring uncomfortably at Hotch. “Aaron. We need to get you cleaned up,” Rossi said, very suggestively. Confused, Hotch glanced around the room. He could see the unease of the visitors at his appearance. He looked down to find what they were so wide eyed about. The sleeves of his button up shirt...his hands...the white Lettering of the FBI Kevlar vest he still wore, were covered in the blood and mud that had transferred from Andy. 

“Here,” Rossi handed him a duffle bag. He sighed, and took it with gratitude. “We aren’t going anywhere,” Rossi added. He watched as Hotch straightened up and hid behind a calm façade, leaving for the restroom. 

“Do you think he’s going to be ok?” Reid asked, now standing next to Rossi. Rossi sighed, hanging his head. He looked back up at very concerned Reid, “I hope,” he replied. “Should we tell him that the security guard confessed? That should make him feel better, right?” he asked. “When he gets back, we’ll fill him in on everything. He needs some time right now,” Rossi advised. 

“Heard anything yet?” Morgan asked when he walked up. “No. It’s been quiet since she’s gone in, about 2 hours now. Hotch is getting cleaned up,” Rossi answered. “I hate to bring this up now, but the coroner's report came in during the interrogation with Roberts, the Security Guard. Director’s gonna have a field day with Kolby, when she wakes up” Morgan said. Rossi and Reid stared curiously back at JJ and Morgan awaiting their next words. 

“Agent Kolby did what she had to do in order to save the lives of 2 women and herself,” Hotch stated, meeting up with the team. “Yeah. We know that. But...” JJ started... “Do you remember what happened when you beat Foyet to death? The extensive investigating that was done. They tried to dismiss you, Hotch, and you’re one of the best, been with the Bureau since forever... Kolby’s been an agent for barely, 5 years with a questionable history? When excessive force is used, you know they’re always looking to make an example of someone...” 

“Hotch, she nearly decapitated the second victim with a pocket knife. The 1st victim looks like swiss cheese,” Morgan interrupted. Hotch took the report from Morgan and read it over. She really did nearly decapitate him; the photos were graphic. Half of his neck was ripped open, exposing his spine. That would explain the slashes on her own hands from the knife slipping over and over. 

“Let’s not forget, the 2 dead men are serial killers who kidnapped the 3 women. Those women, one who happens to be our colleague, _they’re_ the Victims,” Rossi stopped them. “And the Director will see it as such. And as for Agent Kolby’s _questionable_ history, that is inaccurate information and will end now,” Hotch ended. 

Morgan filled everyone in on what Roberts had to say. The guys recruited him about 6 years ago, but they’d been at it for about 14 years. Roberts was the handsome one that made it easier to lure women away, or have them pull over etc. He looks trust worthy. They would search the best place while on duty to hold the women, and wait until their last few days on the job to then abduct the women. They’d be gone, no one would be the wiser. 

Hotch listened. But truly, he found himself not caring as much as he normally would. Afterall, 2 of the 3 men were dead and the other confessed almost immediately. There wasn’t much more to talk about. Usually, they would discuss it a little longer. Going over their theories and seeing how much was accurate, to better hone their skill. But, today, no one really cared. 

\---- 

_“What’d_ _ya_ _have?” the barkeep asked. “Huh?... Oh, I’ll just have a water, please” I’m muttered. My mind fuzzy and confused. Where am I? How long have I been here? How am I here? The tavern was worn down, dim and... clean? Now I see it, it’s The Shamrock, a pub near my Mom’s old place, but there’s no cigarette smell and it’s empty. That’s not right. Oh, Nickelbacks playing, nice. Must be my heaven, ha_ _ha_ _. “Here you go, Andy” the barkeep said setting the drink down. He shouldn’t know my name; I don’t recognize him. “How did I get here? Where is everyone?” I asked, trying hard to remember. He shrugged “I don’t know. Guess you got the place to yourself”_

_I went for my phone with no luck. I didn’t have anything, my phone, wallet, badge, nothing; but I had on my favorite shirt, a_ _COD Black ops_ _4 with Battery at the center and my favorite jeans with all the holes in the legs. These are at home though, what’s going on? Why I can’t remember.... Aaron and I were on a beach, it was warm with a light breeze. Had we made it to Florida? He’s holding me and...? AH! My training isn’t working, I can’t see it. It’s just not there._

_The barkeep was gone by the time I looked back up. “Hey, you,” A familiar male voice sounded from behind me. My heart sank and tears immediately formed Gpa? What? How? He took a seat next to me and ordered a whiskey and coke. The barkeep was back and did what he was asked. So many words wanting to spill all at once; I missed him so much. He died when I was 12, Mandys age. And every moment he was gone, it hurt. When My daddy left us, he was there, always. Without a moment more, I threw my arms around him and bawled. His arms wrapped around me “Oh, it’s ok. I’ve missed you too,” his voice warm._

_I pulled back and stared at him, he looked so different._ _Gpa_ _had a really bad stroke before I was born, it paralyzed his right arm and half his leg, also impairing his speech so badly that he could only make out about 4 or 5 swear words, nothing else. I think my choice in vocabulary is a little clearer now. He had neither those_ _disabilities_ _now. He was young, but I knew him._

_“Am I dead?... It doesn’t really feel like it, but... how else can you be here, how else can I be?” my mind raced. He smiled, sipped his drink, letting out an ‘ahh’ like he hadn’t had one in a_ _millennia_ _. “No. You’re... here and there. But, I’m here to help._ _Shiiit_ _” he winked. “How do I get back, er... Wake up or whatever?” I asked, scared... “I don’t actually know, but_ **_you’ll_ ** _know”. “We’ll, shit, that’s fucking stupid, isn’t it? I want to wake up now. I don’t need some journey of self-discovery. I know who I am,” I retorted. He laughed and nodded, “I know, I know. But I guess that’s how things go here. If anything, just means we get some more time together”_

_“Mom still gets really sad, even though it's been like, 20 years since you left. She’s stuck without you” I quivered out. My heart always ached at the knowing I would never be able to help her._

_“I miss my strong little Beave all the time. But we see each other every now and then, when she’s doing ok. Her favorite dreams are of when she was little; I take her around the block on my Harley. Your Grandma would come out and take pictures, while holding your Uncle. She was so beautiful. It all was. I messed that all up, and I fear I messed her up. I hate that my amazing Beave hasn’t found her happiness yet. Living in the past, it’s destroyed her. Loneliness is the worst of friends, I should know. It seems to be a family curse” his words sorrowful. He isn’t wrong. But, I’m not lonely or alone..._

_“But you take such good care of her, Andy. I couldn’t be prouder of you or more grateful,” he added. We shared a smile. “Fuck. Anyway, we’ll talk more about her later. Right now, I’m here for you, my super amazing granddaughter” he smiled, wiping away his own tears. “Where are we, anyway?” He asked looking around. I chuckled lightly “The Shamrock. A bar Mom and I used to hang out at. I’d_ _DD’d_ _for her after we partied. And no, the drinking gene missed me”._ _Gpa_ _smiled; threw back the rest of his drink and stood up “Are you ready, hun?” he asked. Hesitation hit me hard. Where were we going, he already said I’m not dead. It’s like that scene in Harry Potter, with Dumbledore and Harry at Kings Cross. It’s happening in his head but it’s also real. Is that what this is? Do I decide whether I go or stay?_

_“Where are we going?” my words worried. He hugged me once more, rocking me back and forth._ _Gpa_ _always made this noise when he did that, it was like a loud loving hum. “Do you know why you’re here?” he asked. I shook my head. If I’m dying or whatever, I don’t recall why. Or how. All I know is, even though I'm happy to see my grandpa again, really, really happy, I don’t_ _wanna_ _be here, I need to wake up. “Shit. We’ll, we’re_ _gonna_ _find out, but we’re takin a trip to get there. So, buckle up, baby. You and I are_ _goin_ _Long Haul,” he smiled wide and suspicious._

_I always wondered what it was like to drive with him back in the day, he used to drive long haul in a really nice Kenworth tractor trailer, in the 60’s. I’d imagine a lot of music and speed. And women...he wasn’t a very good husband that way. But he was a good man. Just shouldn’t be married._

_We walked towards the door, and as we did, people started appearing around us, dancing and drinking. It started to look like the bar I knew._

\---- 

Rossi and the team watched as Hotch stood near the double doors, waiting...unmoving, lost in his own world. It concerned them; it was strange to see him act in such a way. Everyone worried about Andy and whether she’d make it or not, they were all in the dark, but Hotch seemed the most affected. 

He tried to find fault in what happened. It was his fault for not inquiring more about what she was checking into. If he didn’t L... care for her, would he have been more curious about? He would have looked into it, right? If he never allowed himself to get involved with her... He knew it wasn’t true. This self-torment was pointless. Like any Agent, they go off on their own with stuff like this. Unless they ask for help, there’s not much that could be done. He knew she was looking into something. It was a repeating thought in his head ‘why wouldn’t she bring this to me. I would have listened’ even if there wasn’t a special relationship between them, he would have listened. That was a fact. 

Reid returned with coffee for everyone and sat down. “Is no one gonna say it?” Morgan whispered, breaking the silence where the group sat. Everyone looked at him, curious brows raised. “I don’t want to sound like the bad guy here... but, what’s the deal with them? Ya’ll heard the same things I did, right? Does no one find it odd? Ya know the Directors also gonna wanna know why Hotch acted the way he did, and frankly, I do too” 

Before today, before the events by the water, it never occurred to any of them that there may be something going on between Kolby and Hotchner. They were around each other at work as much as the rest of them. 

When they witnessed Hotch holding her, sobbing and yelling out. It was a shock and soul wrenching. After that moment, it was clear there was maybe something they hadn’t seen, but SSA Aaron Hotchner of the FBI, would never have a personal relationship like _that_ with a colleague... 

“You guys remember what happened on Andy’s first day with us, right? Aaron was knocked down pretty good and she was there. She didn’t have to treat him, care for him as she did, but she did. And now he’s there for her. Lost souls find each other at the strangest times in life and for some reason, unbeknown to them, they’re connected. Perhaps that’s what we’re witnessing. Or, Perhaps it’s more. But that’s none of our business unless they make it our business,” Rossi enlightened. 

He wasn’t lying and his words seemed to fall on accepting ears. Even Morgan seemed satisfied with Rossi’s explanation. They all have either felt or wish they had something like that. Whatever their relationship may be, hadn’t affected their work, they seem to feed off one another during a case, actually. But there were many witnesses at the Shipping Yard and the Bureau may not be as understanding as the team. 

Hotch’s mind had difficulty forming any one single thought, lost in an unending raging river of fear. Snapping his head in the direction at every sound the doors made, looking for a lifeline, but finding no relief. What was taking so long?! 

“Aaron?” Candice called out. “Sir, we got here as fast as we could,” Garcia nearly shouted as they walked up to him. He broke from his nothingness and snapped to. “There haven’t been any updates as of yet,” he informed. Hotch walked Candice over to an empty seat near the team. “Do you guys need anything? What can I do?” Garcia asked frantically. They shook their heads. They had hoped for a case, keep their idle minds busy until they knew what was to become of Agent Kolby. 

Candice felt all the horrible things a mother would feel and could feel in a situation like this. A mother should never outlive her child. She should see them grow in love and life before she dies, knowing her child is happy. Making the decisions that she never did. This is every parents’ worst nightmare. Through snuffed nose and dried tears, Candice inhaled deeply and turned to Hotch, “What happened to my daughter, Aaron?” 

He could see the want in her but also the terror at knowing the details, that even he wasn’t fully aware of. He was never one to really hold back, but the urge is strong now. “Andy saved the lives of two women that were being held captive by 3 assailants. In her escape, she managed to kill 2 of 3 suspects and in the process was shot in the abdomen, causing internal bleeding,” he replied. 

For a few moments, she smiled with a light chuckle. That was her Andy, always a fighter. “She’s stupid selfless, she’s always been that way. I don’t know where she gets it. When she was little, she’d run after her Daddy if we were fightin, if he yelled or laid a hand on me, she didn’t care. She’d run right up between us, scolding him ‘don’t be mean to my Mama!’. He'd get so mad and storm off. Somehow, she knew that he’d never hurt her or she didn’t care, she was Daddy’s little girl after all. She couldn’t stand bullies” 

No one really knew her THAT well. It’s not like she talked about that sort of thing. But it only added to the happy dork with the perverted sense of humor they had started to get to know. Hotch knew though, not to this extent, but he knew. One of the reasons he was drawn to her, out of many. 

“I mean she’s not stupid... I just mean, she doesn’t care what it costs, as long as there’s hope in helping. She’s had her ass handed to her a few times. Scars all over from her uncontrollable urge to try and stop someone” Candice added. Rossi laid a hand on her shoulder, “We understand,” he said with a smile. Candice added “She’s just such a unique person. She talks about you guys every time she calls. She's never done that. And don’t get me wrong, she’s no saint. Her fucking mouth. She swears all the time. She’s a huge pervert, if you leave room for a sexual innuendo, she comes bustin in like the damn Kool Aid man, as she describes herself.” 

Laughter filled the Lobby; it was true and it was part of why they liked her. Candice was starting to forget the pain she felt for a moment, and continued “There were a few years in her 20’s that she was a real asshole. Ha. She’d had her heart ripped out by her first out of school boyfriend and wasn’t very nice after that, he cheated, a lot, and blamed her. Even though she’d still be selfless and helpful, she did it with almost a grudge... Eventually she found herself again and was better for it. That’s also around the time she decided on the FBI. She was so proud the day she got her badge. She excelled you know! At strength and mind. Damn her lungs, that had us worried. But I was so proud of her though! I was so worried when Seattle did her like they did, that she’d fall into that heartless place again. The past week or so, is the happiest and most...what’s the word... caring? I’ve heard her in a long while,” Candice warmly spoke. 

“What is Andy short for,” Reid asked. Everyone sort of snickered. They all kind of wondered, but never thought to ask. “Ha, that’s her name. And her Dad’s name. She’s a Junior, sort of, but not in the traditional sense,” she happily sighed, “He wanted a son very badly. But then this little tiny baby with the broadest shoulders a girl could have, popped out. And her finger nails, Gaw. She cuts them every other day because they grow so fast. That’s how she was born, her nails ripped through my amniotic sac. So, Surprise! Happy Independence Day everyone. Mandy idolizes her sister. She’s her everything. It’s hard being an old mother. They’re 21 years apart. I’m 54 yo, so it was a blessing that Andy was around so much to be a big sister for her, it helped hide that I couldn’t be so active, someone she can do ‘ _all the things with’_ , as Andy would say” 

Candice continued her stories while Mandy drew and listened to her headphones. In her own little escape of solitude and peace. 

\----- 

_“This’ll be exciting for me” he said as we walked the long hallway. The floor’s a blue and white_ _sorta_ _of checkered vinyl with dark gray walls. It’s kind of like my high school corridors, but different. If we’re going through memories, don’t be excited. “Do you already know what’s going to happen?” I queried. He shook his head “nope. I’m only allowed to go with you if you want me too”_

_“Alrighty, go in,” he said, stopping at one of the classroom doors. I could feel my face scrunch at the idea of doing as told. What’s behind the door? “I could just sit somewhere_ _til_ _I wake up” I nervously blurted. “Hunny, you walk into unknown danger for a living, without a second thought. You fight fuckers all the time; yet, this scares you?” his voice sassy. “That’s different, someone's life’s always at stake when I do that,” I snapped back._ _Gpa_ _just stared at me with that look. You know the one, brows raised, staring intently, ‘uh huh, and?’ screaming from their eyes. “_ _Fiine_ _,” I huffed and walked through the door._

_“ah!” I let out; shielding my eyes as the sunlight hit. Erg. Ok, my surroundings are starting to come into view. I’m standing in a field, but it’s not a field, it’s more like a pasture with patches of grass here and there. In the distance, there’s a small corral and makeshift barn. Oh my God. “Andy...” I heard in the distance. It’s the little farm I spent the first 7 years of my life on. “Andy...” I heard again. “Daddy?” I whispered. He came into sight around the barn, “Daddy!” I yelled, running for him. And suddenly I was 7 years old again._

_It’s stupid really. He wasn’t a good man, not really. He was often mean and hurtful, but when you’re a child, and you don’t witness all that all the time, you can’t help yourself. The excitement of a time before it all went bad. I missed him. Mom left him when I was 8, officially, then he left me and my brother, his biological son, when I was 13. I mean even before then, we barely saw him. He only ever really came over to fuck my mom. She has issues and she’s done with them now._

_“Hey, baby” he laughed, picking me up, “Where you been at? We got goats to milk”. He was so young too. This I remember. He was wearing is Budweiser truck driver hat, longer hair and jeans._

_The day was a typical 100-degree Wenatchee day. We only lived on an acre, in a single wide trailer. But we made it work, it was a home. It had the wood paneling walls and yup, a picture of John Wayne, as if he were our savior hung on the wall. I remember being so happy then. Animals, love, fun, work. We didn’t have much, but as a kid, I didn’t know any different._

_Daddy worked construction and Mama tended home, kids and property. She worked so much. One time when she was 9 months pregnant with my Brother, John (yeah), she was watering and feeding the animals and fainted from the heat and exhaustion. I rushed to the neighbors and they came to help her. Parents fought that night, Daddy said she was just looking for an excuse to be lazy, even though the doctor told them both, she needed to stay off her feet for a week or so, doing very little. They fought like that sometimes and it always seemed to be about the stupidest things. Mom would try to hide it, but he’d get so loud that it’d be unavoidable. It wasn’t until later I found out, most of the time it was due to his drug and alcohol abuse._

_As we milked the goats, Mama came out with Johnny, he was so little, maybe 4 or 5 months old. She had a camera and was taking pictures of us. “_ _Cheeeeese_ _” we smiled. She was so happy, she loved this, she loved him.... sadly, too much. “Here, Cuddles,” she said, excited, trying to hand Johnny to him “I_ _wanna_ _get a pic of Daddy teaching his little man how to be a man”. Suddenly I remembered the day it was I was experiencing. No... “Nah, Andy and I need to get back to work,” he said, pushing her hands away. “Just 1 minute more, Andrew, please. It’s such a happy day,” she said, nearly begging him to hold his son. “Fucking, Fine, Candi,” he begrudgingly said, grabbing the child from her out reached hands. She snapped a photo, when Johnny began to cry. “Get this fucking Faggot away from me,” he growled, nearly throwing the baby at her. “Why do you have to be that way? He’s your son,” she nearly cried. He did stuff like this a lot lately with the boy. “My Daddy didn’t love me, why should I love my son?!” he yelled, jumping to his feet. He stood over her, like an alpha trying to remind a beta where they stand. “Why would you want that for him?...” she asked, her voice trembled. She always tried to keep the peace, her unhealthy obsession with making it work, but slowly, since my brother was born, she started standing up for herself, in small ways. But this time, it was almost too much._

_“No!!” I yelled. He’d hit her so hard; she fell. Still clenching Johnny in her arms. They were both crying, he started yelling at her about how worthless she was and more obscenities. I stood in between them, and yelled at him “Don’t ever touch my Mommy again! I hate you!”. It wasn’t the first time I'd done that, but it was the first time I told him that I hated him. I remember it so vividly, all of it. The look in his eyes when I said that, it was like whatever was left of his soul had, which was the love from me, was crushed. I don’t think he ever came to reality with himself, of the monster he truly was._

_I remember seeing him disappear as I watched from the back window of the truck. She drove us away that day and we never returned. We’ll, to that place._

_Over the course of the next several years, he would come over, claiming he’d changed (like they always do) he wanted to see us kids (he didn’t), she believed it (like most do), and it always went back to what it was after a few days...weeks...sometimes hours._

_He was her childhood sweetheart. At 7 months pregnant with me, she left my Biological father for him. She’d heard he’d died, but when she found out it wasn’t true, my mama realized how much she loved him still and... well...love isn’t always enough; anyone with a brain can tell you that. Nor is it always right. But she went to him, lucky enough for me, I guess, my Bio dad didn’t want me anyway, so I became Andrew “Andy” Kolby Jr. My mom is strange. Thank God my birth Cert just says Andy Kolby. That’d be a tough one to explain._

_“What was the point of that?” my heart full of melancholy and rage. I turned from the window and settled on the bench seat in the back of the truck as we drove on._ _Gpa_ _sat next to me, staring at Mama. “That scared the shit_ _outta_ _her,_ _ya_ _know?” he said “it scared her how she allowed it to happen, and that you were the reason it stopped. You were fearless. She’d never admired anyone more in her life then she did in that moment. And that’s saying a lot, because I was her best friend”_

_He didn’t answer my question. And all this did was remind me of how horrible the world is. Not just out there, but at home. Even the people that’re supposed to love you and protect you; hurt you, and not just emotionally._

_I feel worse... and I feel angry_

\----- 

Everyone jumped to their feet as the doctor finally came out. Emotions erratic inside each of them. “She lost a lot of blood; however, the bullet went all the way through and we were able to stop the bleeding. It was touch and go, but Agent Kolby has pulled through and is in post op now,” she stated. A wave of relief crashed over the worried faces. “When can I see her!?” Candice nearly screamed. The Doctors demeanor changed slightly, Hotch felt a sudden unease at seeing this. “To whom should I be speaking to about this?” the Doctor asked. “I’m her Mother. You can say what you need too” Candice voiced. “You can go sit with her, a few at a time; however, you should know that Agent Kolby is currently in an unconscious, coma like state,” the Doctor informed. It wasn’t unusual for a patient to still be under the influence of anesthesia for hours after surgery, yet uncertainty hit each of them even still, it’s a 50/50 chance with a coma, if that’s what it is. She continued “in addition to the gunshot wound, Agent Kolby incurred both minor and major contusions to the face, thighs, abdomen as well as the back of the head and hips. 3 fractured ribs, 2 broken ribs. Burns to the left arm ranging from her wrist to her shoulder. Vaginal tearing. And finally, both shallow and deep cuts to her fingers and palms” 

Their heads reeled. JJ held only sorrow and uncomfortable memories. She didn’t envy what Andy had to deal with once she woke up. JJ knew all too well what she’d be going through. 

Because of the mud and blood, Andy was covered in when she was found, there was no way to tell the extent of her injuries. Hotch could see the bruising, swelling and bleeding her face, he had no idea of the others. The Doctor went on “Her brain is active and functional, she’s breathing on her own, by all normal means, she should be awake. However, it could be due to the infection she's fighting as well. We are doing everything we can to keep her comfortable and monitored around the clock. Unfortunately, at this point, all we can do is wait. I am sorry I don’t have better news for you” she finished. 

After the doctor left, Candice grabbed Mandy’s hand and started for the room, but not before turning to the team “Thank you for being here. It will mean so much to her to know that you all care. Aaron, will you come?” Hotch nodded. He turned to the team as well, “Give me a moment, then we’ll head back to Quantico,” he instructed. Not giving them time to react, he turned and walked away. 

“I’m going to be right back,” Rossi said, and followed after him. 

Hotch watched from the doorway as Candice sat next to the bed where a very bandaged Andy lay. His heart should feel relief, she’s alive, so why doesn’t he? “Mama’s here, sweet girl” Candice cooed, taking her hand. His logical mind could find no solace in this. “She’ll be ok, Aaron. The question is, will you?” Rossi asked, merely a whisper only the two could hear. Hotch wasn’t sure, of anything. “Why don’t you stay here. We can call you if we really need you,” he assured. Rossi’s ability to sooth a bad situation is always unnerving. However, Hotch is trying to fight the personal urge. He wants to be here, never leaving her side, but that’s not his place. Her family is here. He's nothing in the scheme of things. “No. She would want us to all keep going. Just like her,” he said. His gaze unmoving from their friend. Candice looked up at the two men hiding in the doorway. Her eyes pleading. 

“I think you’re needed here, Aaron. Trust me when I say, don’t miss this opportunity,” Rossi softly smiled. Hotch turned to him “thank you”. The men shared an understanding look and then a hug. “We’ll leave a car for you. And yes, we _will_ notify you _if_ you are needed,” Rossi ended in a slight jest. 

Hotch went to the other side of Andy’s bed, moving a chair close enough to sit in. Candice looked up at him, a thank you smile crossed her face, then she immediately looked back down at her daughter. He sat, and slid his fingers under Andys hand, careful not to move the bandaging or agitate the wounds underneath. He suddenly felt a little more at ease. Even unconscious, her touch soothes him, calms him. 

Rossi’s heart felt warm at the sight. He felt he could somehow feel Hotch’s ease. More than anything he’s wanted personal happiness for his friend. Whatever this is to them, it was special, though new, didn’t make it any less. 

“Agent Hotchner will join us at a later time,” Rossi informed the team. They understood and nodded. “Sir?” Garcia asked. “Yes?” Rossi acknowledged. “Is it alright if I stay? I have my Laptop with me if you need something” she nearly begged. “You may, of course,” he answered. 

Garcia joined Hotch, Candice and Mandy in the hospital room. The sight of her new friend broke her heart; the sight of Hotch and her mother holding her hands and hoping, shattered it. Her breath hitched and her eyes watered “I don’t want to bother you,” she started in a soft voice. “You could never bother, Penelope” Hotch interrupted. A tear sat in her eye as she attempted to smile “I just wanted you both to know that I'm here for whatever you need. Just, pop your head out the door, and there I am”. Her attempt at enthusiasm nearly failing. 

Hotch stood and met Garcia with friendly arms. She fully embraced his hug. He’d never hugged her first, this was so new to her. Usually, she does the hugging. He must be in a really bad place, she thought. He squeezed her tight, tears nearly escaping his own eyes. “Thank you. But don’t think for a second you don’t deserve to be in here,” he whispered. The pair exchanged sad smiles and he re-took his seat by her bed once more. 

Garcia set her things down and sat in chair at the back of the small room, near Mandy. 

\------------- 

_We emersed in the hallway, closing the door behind us. “Well, that was fucking pointless, all I feel is anger and sadness now; some fucking journey so far,” I growled. “I would have beaten the shit outta him, but your mom begged me not to do anything, and as much as I wanted to too, I couldn’t anyway, I barely had a leg to stand on and one good arm. Which makes the 7-year-old girl standing up to her Daddy, that much more.”_

_I shook off his words and started walking. “Where are_ _ya_ _goin_ _,_ _hun_ _?” he asked, his voice sympathetic. “Got a journey or whatever, right_ _Gpa_ _?” I shrugged, already over it. “Don’t matter anyway, he was always a spineless coward” I added,_ _refering_ _to my shit Father._

_We walked on. Not really speaking. Every door we passed had a window into the room, some were bright, some were dim. I walked over to one, peering in. “Their all memories,” He said. “Yeah, figured that out,” I retorted. Ugh, this one, I’m 9 and meeting my Bio Father for the first time. He’s not a bad guy, just there isn’t really a relationship there. He didn’t want me and then he did because my mom was single. There was never that father daughter connection. “Eh,” I said, moving on._

_The hallway went on forever. You couldn’t see an end in sight._ _Gpa_ _walked off “ok, are you ready?” he asked, rhetorically. “How do you know which ones?” I quiried. He winked and tapped his temple. I inhaled deeply and entered the room..._

_“Alright, Band. One more time,” Mr. Brahms said, raising his hands. I smiled and looked around, High school! I have soo many fond memories. Because of band and the few_ _sports_ _I did, I found happiness in school. We’re playing ‘Russian Christmas’. I remember this, we’re prepping for a Competition in Anaheim. “I’m so nervous about the tryouts next week,” Megan said. Megan... Oh my God. I haven’t seen her since graduation. She was my BFF in band, her and Bridget. Bridget was in the flute section, so we didn’t get to chat much during class. But Megan and I, were constantly being separated. Haha._

_“You’re_ _gonna_ _do great!” I_ _said_ _. She shook her head, “I’m so nervous, I’ll probably quit if I don’t get Drum Major. It’s too embarrassing,” she let out. “You’re not_ _gonna_ _quit, either way. You love this too much,” I replied with attitude. She smirked and shook her head in agreement._

_Awe, lunch time. My favorite time. My school got lucky, we had Papa_ _Johns_ _pizza to choose from, for an additional cost that was. I was able to have it a few times a month, and today was that day. Mmmmm, bread sticks and a slice of pepperoni pizza. I had 3 tables full of friendly faces to choose from. It’s been so long. I gazed at all of them. Wow._

_Though I was welcomed, I always felt like the odd one out. My conversation skills weren’t that great. If it wasn’t perverted, I didn’t have much to say. I wasn’t really a nerd or comfortable in my own skin for that matter until I was in my 20’s, when I allowed myself to just be who the fuck I wanted to be, mostly._

_“Hey, Babe,” I heard before a kiss landed on my temple. Matt sat down next to me, lunch in hands. Oh yes, I almost forgot. My HS boyfriend. We were so sweet on each other; I was so in love with him. Matt was a year ahead of me. We were on a bowling team together on the weekends. He broke up with me a month before I graduated, after a bowling match. We were coupled for 2 years. Memories. Ha._

_“You ready for...” he started when he was interrupted by a boy crying out “Stop!”. “I wished they leave him alone,” Matt huffed. I saw who it was and I jumped to my feet, rushing over. “You, Bitch!” the Jock yelled, holding his junk. “Leave him alone!” I commanded. The lunchroom went silent, everyone stared. “Who are you?!” the Jock growled before pushing me down. Matt didn’t come, everyone just stood by. I was on the ground next to Ricky, the boy they constantly pick on for his stutter and the fact he too didn’t have a dad... Just like Johnny... People are so stupid and cruel for the wrong reasons._

_I got up and hit him again in the dick while he laughed at us. He quickly bent over grabbing himself, gasping for air this time. I hit him again, this time in the face. He went down. Before I knew it, I was hitting punching over and over, but did, however, get a hit in and knocked me off. I don’t even know the dude's name. We physically fought each other until, finally teachers pulled us apart._

_Needless to say, I didn’t make the competition, nor any bowling matches for about 2 months because my hand was broken... and I was suspended._

_Everyone in the cafeteria suddenly stopped moving. The heavy breathing and adrenaline I experienced, subsided at the confusion and realization it was just a memory. Looking the bloodied teenager over “You got him good. But why though?”_ _Gpa_ _asked. “Because... You saw what he did,” I answered, through gnashed teeth. I’m deflecting, I know... “Well, yeah. Of course, I did. I would have done the same thing,” he said. “But all he did was trip him. Make fun of his speech impediment...” he stated. It was a question though, I didn't know... I just did it... “it was more times than this. He got what he deserved,” I snarled. “Yes, but why attack him? He’s bigger than you; can clearly beat you,” he continued “do you have a death wish?”. “No one should have to deal with that, especially for things they can’t control. And no one’s doing ANYTHING!” I could feel my heart pleading as I looked to Ricky off to the side._

_He was my brother, and anyone else who needed someone to stand up for them, when they couldn’t stand up for themselves... no matter the cost to me._

_“They need to know that they are worth fighting for!” I said with conviction. “Good, you’re almost there,”_ _Gpa_ _said, giving me a side hug. “What?” I questioned. What did he mean? “You don’t see it yet, do you?” he asked. “Just tell me, please,” I begged. “I can’t, I just know that you don’t know it yet, but you’re close. Come on, the next one’s_ _gonna_ _be a doozey, so I’m told” he said, walking away._

_Guess I'll follow..._

_\-----------_

“I’m so sorry I couldn’t find you faster,” Hotch softly spoke to a still unconscious Andy, his free hand stroking her hair. Garcia managed to talk Candice into going for dinner, take a break. She asked Hotch, but he was cemented to his chair. They’d been in there for about 10 hours already. This is the first time he’d been alone with her since they were allowed in the room. She was still really warm to the touch, fighting the infection. They'd administered anti biotics, but it doesn’t seem to be working all that well. 

“I got your raincheck... So, you’re not getting out of our vacation that easily. Even packed my swimsuit; is it a suit? Is it shorts? Or is it that speedo you were hoping for?” he chuckled at the memory of the conversation they’d had on the plane. But the chuckle faded as quickly as it started. “It terrified me; you know? I didn’t know what I’d do if I lost you like that... Whatever this is, I can’t explain it, but I... really care for you, Andy... When we got to Florida, I was going to ask you if you’d like to stay, with the BAU... permanently, regardless of what happened with us. And if you’d said yes, I would have done everything to make that happen. I wanted to ask you earlier, but I didn’t know how to. I never want you to think it’s because of anything other than your ability to execute this job as well as you. I never want you to think you don’t deserve a team, a home... anything. You belong here”. His eyes and voice were tired, but he refused to sleep, probably fearing he’d miss something. He’d left her only twice since he sat down, and only for a few minutes. 

“Please wake up...” He pleaded quietly, now holding her hand with both his, kissing it. Tears filled his exhausted eyes as he stared down at her. 

\------------ 

_“This isn’t that great of a journey, I just learned something I already knew,” I sighed._ _Gpa_ _stopped us in the hallway we walked once more. “That’s only part of it, hunny. You’re almost where you need to be. I think this is just part of what you’re supposed to figure out in the end? I promise, I wanna tell_ _ya_ _, but I really am just the messenger. I’m sorry,” his face sympathetic. I nodded and we walked on._

_The hallway seemed to finally look like it was coming to an end, but it was just an illusion, we rounded the corner and the hallway went on. “Ok, this next ones_ _gonna_ _be a bit different,” He said, stopping in front of double gymnasium doors. “Alright. Hit me with your best shot,” my words laced with false optimism. We went through the doors. No flashing lights. Nothing crazy. We just walked into a gym._

_“Oh, fuck no,” I nearly laughed at the irony. It was like a museum of all my exes. They were on display, name and dates in which we dated. 13 guys stood. Not all were exes actually, now that I can see better. Some were just guys I saw for like a month, but didn’t work out. “You have a very awkward taste in men,”_ _Gpa_ _said, looking around. “Ha, Stephy, said that to me once when I mentioned I had the hots for the lead singer of Nickelback. You guys aren’t wrong” I laughed. Stephy is my best friend. We'll she was_ _til_ _about 3 years ago. We barely talk now. She has kids and a_ _husband_ _now, no time for my single, childless ass. He just shook his head and laughed, walking towards the first one._

_“I don’t_ _wanna_ _go through all these guys,” I huffed. “No, no. You don’t have to. Just sum it up for me” he smirked. “None of them were right. Some had abusive tendencies, in which I shut that shit down asap. Most wanted kids. Cheaters. Most didn’t like kissing or anything to get me to wanna... ya know. They just never felt right from the beginning. But mostly, I dated them because “They liked me”... which is the worst thing you can do...” I jested, though all was true._

_“After this guy,” I pointed to one near the end. It was really weird and almost unsettling seeing them all, not like pictures or statues, it was literally them, and they weren’t moving, which is the most unsettling part. “After him, I stopped dating just because they liked me. Also,_ _cause_ _he was the one that took me to work in Alaska with him on his boats, and never paid me in 6 months, also leaving me with his “best friend” who apparently was madly in love with him for 10 years, and claimed they were married. It was a whole ordeal. I had red flags about him from the start, but I... I did the stupid thing. When I got home, I was like, bye!... Then met, this one,_ _Dougy_ _” he was the last in the line._

_“I really did think he was different. And even at the end, I thought we’d be together forever, that it was going to be the best I will ever get. He was chatty, seemed to actually listen to what I said, asked me about my life, work etc. Wanted to hang out. He was a little rough around the edges, but handsome in his own way. He’d worked the railroad and was a Veteran. I should mention that he lost his leg a week before we met. He got run over by a train,” I casually said. “What the fuck?!”_ _Gpa_ _questioned. “Yeah, we met through that ex over there,” I said pointing to ex number 2. “He thought we might get back together, don’t know where he got that idea. I hadn’t had decent sex in since him, so I thought maybe... but then remembered who he was and was like, no. The next day, I got a message from Dougy.”_

_“What was the issue then? You were together for 5 years,”_ _Gpa_ _read off_ _Dougy’s_ _plaque. “He was jealous, ever since day one. He thought I was_ _gonna_ _fuck my ex, leave him for my ex... or any dude. He was super insecure. But at the beginning I gave him the benefit of the doubt, because he just lost his leg to a train and he wasn’t like crazy about the jealousy thing. So told myself. He didn’t have family nearby and his friends abandon him. It didn’t bother me that he was in a wheelchair, we had fun together mostly. The nights were hard for the first 6 months because he would scream and cry in pain. There was a lot. It was never easy. But we never yelled or screamed at_ _eachother_ _. We'd talk our_ _disgreements_ _out. And before we knew it, after 3 years we bought a house together. And for the next 2 years, I begged him to love me. Even a little”_

_“What do you mean?” he asked. I didn’t want to answer, honestly. I was so depressed and ashamed about how I’d allowed myself to stay in something so long, or any of the relationships I'd been in. And no matter how nice they were or seemed, I didn’t want them or they just didn’t want me._

_“I wasn’t allowed to work for myself, because he didn’t see my passion, my career as costume designer and creator, as a job, even though that’s what I did for the first 3 years of_ _out_ _relationship. But even then, he tried to take up most of my time. But he sure as shit wanted me to make money, to go out and get some shit job that I hated, for minimum wage, while he didn’t want to work. He used his temper, his leg, or whatever else he could as an excuse not to find a job_ _ande_ _wanted to live off settlement money, but_ **_I_ ** _needed to get a REAL job, because I was just using him for his money..._ _Didnt_ _matter that I took care of him from day one, years before money was even a thing.”_

_“It’s hard to be with someone you used to have fun with, smile with, even though it was difficult and complicated from the start. Sex was always painful and depressing, but that’s all I knew. He'd never brush his teeth, so we never made out. He'd never want to do any form of foreplay, because he’d get all butt hurt that I didn’t want to kiss him. And on the rare occasion, I would kiss him, if I tried later that day, because we were having a good day, he’d say things like ‘no. I already kissed you once today’ and then play on his phone some more. As if it was a reward for ME. There’s so much more, but I just don’t...” I paused. I looked his likeness up and down and sighed. It just stressed me out to remember it. I allowed him to treat me that way._

_“I lost so much of myself in that relationship. I used to tell myself, at least he doesn’t hit me. Or try to scare me. He's just emotionally fucking horrible. Mental too. So, the last year we were together, I started doing things on my own. I started writing and making short films. Acting. Making costumes again and selling them. He hated it. We started fighting a lot. Yelling. Crying. Both of us. It was so different. He would tell me he hated me because I was starting to move on, be happy with things I like to do. I WAS TRYING TO MAKE THINGS BETTER FOR US. During this time, we were on the fire dept too. Volunteers, few times a month. Nothing crazy. Different shifts. I loved it but it wasn’t what I wanted to do forever, it didn’t pay and he great to work with, because I wasn’t like him. The sad thing is, more than anything, I just wanted to be held... kissed. Adored and acknowledged. He treated me like I was the devil for some reason, but I was the only person how’d even put up with him. His own kids hated him. How can sometime tell you they love that you’re creative, and your child like outlook on life is amazing, despite the shitty things I grew up with, parents, molestation (not by parents), anger, death, suicide, all that, how can someone say that it’s their favorite thing about me, and tell me in the same sentence that they hate me for it and they don’t know why they’re so mean about it. I want to be done now...”_

_I just felt so empty and drained having to relive that, to say it all out loud and remind myself how much nothing I am. “How’d it_ _end_ _?”_ _Gpa_ _asked. It was strange how he asked, like he already knew, but I had to say it. “He asked me, how do we fix this? And I said, we just can’t. I tried and begged for almost 3 years... and you didn’t want to... and now that I'm done, that I've grieved over us, you all of a sudden_ _wanna_ _try? No, it doesn’t work that way,” and I left._

_“It was terrifying, because it’d been 5 years since I was last really on my own. I really didn’t have friends before, except my cosplay group, but that was always a fight too. Cause apparently, I was fucking them all. I was just relieved that they were there for me, with open arms when I was done. He had driven nearly everyone away from me, and I didn’t really realize it at the time. But I was DONE, I wasn’t_ _gonna_ _be my mom, and go back and forth. I Moved into an apt, and it was weird, like I felt free for the first time, as an adult, even though I’d had my own place before we met. I was alone for so long with someone and I decided to stay that way afterwards, because I'd rather be alone on my own than with someone. When I got my badge and was hired at SEATTLE FBI, I was over the moon. For several months I was happily working with pretty decent people. I felt a little less alone for those months and I even got to help people! Until everything went south. Some stupid shit I didn’t even have a part in, yet I was sent off to be alone again. Fucking men. No offense, Gpa,” I ended._

_He smiled sweetly, “I wasn’t perfect either. I know, but I always loved you... You’re mother. That was never a question.”_

_There was a silence between us, I didn’t know what else to say. I just looked down the line of undesirables and mostly bad memories, and shook my head. Even being single hasn’t been that great, but I've also been able to be more myself. Except when I’m working with a new team. In the words of Elsa “Conceal don’t feel, don’t let them know”. Sigh._

_“What about this one?” he asked, breaking my pity party zone out. I looked up to find him walking towards a dark figure. That wasn’t there before. He wasn’t with the rest of them, more off to the side. Out of curiosity I joined him. Nervousness hit me out of nowhere, I was a little scared, I couldn’t tell who it was. “Don’t you know him?” he asked. I shook my head. “That’s weird. He wouldn’t be here if you didn’t,” he added. It took me a second, but the moment I thought about Aaron, the dark figure lit up. It was Aaron. He was looking down at me, smiling with his big adoring brown eyes. I couldn’t help but smile back. “Well, there’s a grin,” Gpa spoke “Who's this? He’s a bit old, don’t_ _ya_ _think?” I chuckled. “This is SSA Aaron_ _Hotchner_ _, my uh... temporary boss at the BAU. And my friend... And he’s not old. Ha. He's like 10 years older than me, that’s not horrible. It's a weird a thing. I don’t know. But he’s actually kind,” the happy sweet words left my lips._

_“That’s not just a friend smile, dear granddaughter,” he pushed, a devilish smirk upon his mouth. “As good as he is, and how easy it’s been, he too is temporary. But at least once I move on to my next, however many temp units, I’ll have a good memory,” I answered. I feel sad again. I tried to fight back the tears of sorrow that were building at the happiness of seeing Aaron in all this, someone who hasn’t hurt me, set off flags, whose only been kind and fair. We both knew it was temporary from the start, why did we did it? It’s just more sadness..._

_“We aren’t even supposed to be doing whatever it is we’re doing, it's against the rules. But it was like, the first time we met and worked together, it was like we’d been friends, partners forever, but it's not that either. I don’t how to explain... I also thought he was just really handsome too, ha.” I ended, looking back up into following brown eyes. Aaron was moving, smiling, looking at me, following my eyes. He reached out a hand and placed it on my cheek, I leaned into it of course._

_“It’s not fair_ _ya_ _know? *sigh* I’ve spent my life making sure everyone else is safe, loved, protected. Standing for anyone without a voice, without will, to prove they’re worth fighting for. But apparently the consequences of that, is nothing but loneliness and heartache. This is the easiest relationship? I've ever had with anyone. Everything about it, is everything I wished I had. He makes me feel like I matter. We’ve only been, whatever, for about a week, but it’s the first-time somethings felt real... and also like a fantasy, but it’s real,_ _Gpa_ _! And in one week, I’ll be gone, to a new unit. And it’ll be ripped from me. So, I get a taste of something I don’t get to have, keep. But I guess it’s worth it, as long as I keep helping...right?”_

_I looked to the floor; I can’t feel anymore. All this just makes me_ _wanna_ _stay asleep, the world is cruel in so many ways, and I've been trying to fight it for so long. I turned and walked away; I saw fake Aaron reach out for me and disappear back into darkness. As I walked, 1 by 1 the light went out over each man. Then the gym. Then the hallway._

_I sat down in the darkness. The emptiness and doubt drowning me. “What’s going on?” Gpa asked, sitting next to me._

_“I think I figured it out,” I finally spoke. “What’d_ _ya_ _got?” he replied, skeptical. “I love who I am. It took me a long time to get here, but I love me. I literally died, or nearly, doing what I do, it’s a part of who I am. Granted, I would have loved to not been abducted and tortured. Yes, I remember it all now. But it’s almost like I don’t care about myself either, that I don’t care what happens to me as long as someone else makes it. I could have left with Jade, the one I got out through the fence. But I didn’t, I went after Allison, I could have saved myself and Jade, but my need to help, to... try, got the best. And I knew it was the 1 in a million shot that she’d get out of there. But she's dead. And I’m here. Not even certain I'm_ _gonna_ _wake._ _Gpa_ _, I really didn’t think I’d get out of there; I realized that the moment Jade begged me to come with her... I was so focused on Allison... I really didn’t think about me... and that was the first time I thought I really am choosing 99% chance of death instead escaping, just because someone else is in trouble... Because my life is worthless and it’s the only time, I feel I worth something”_

_“Do you really think that, little one?”_ _Gpa_ _asked, sadness and disbelief riddled his voice. “Yeah. I know how it sounds, but it’s the only conclusion I can find...” I replied._

_“Where are you going?” I asked confused and surprised._ _Gpa_ _had gotten up and walked away. He turned around quickly, pointing at me “You really think you’re worthless? Nothing, that your life means less? Just for the sake of argument so we don't have to go through your life again, do you even remember your last moments, before all this?” he nearly shouted. I was taken back by this, I’d never seen him angry before, it was terrifying. “Uh, yeah... I remember stabbing one of the guys. And... hearing my name? But that’s...” I threw my head into my hands and screamed. I’m trying! “Well, here. Let me help,” he snapped, grabbing my arm and dragging me with him._

_“_ _Gpa_ _! What are you doing?” I yelled out. “Look! This is how worthless you are outside of your mother and sister...” his voice annoyed and stern._

_A gun shot went off! My head snapped to see Mark, Allison and me standing just outside the shipping yard gate. Allison went down. And the gun went off again as I watched myself attack him, stabbing him over and over again, the rage apparent in the act. I didn’t know how bad I looked but damn. “Andy...” I heard in the distance. Aaron. I watched myself stand up, and the rage was gone almost instantly... Aaron found me... They found me... I watched as he ran to where I fell... holding me, shouting and begging for my life. He’s falling apart... over me? “We have to stop finding each other like this,” I whispered with my dying self. I remember. I watched him as he continued to break down. The team standing behind him. JJ holding spencer as he leaned into her. They shouldn’t care. But they do._

_“Andy” Hotch cried, looking up at me._

_\---------_

Garcia walked in to find Mandy still sleeping on the bed next to Andy, and Hotch asleep with his head on the bed, holding her hand still. She couldn’t help but smile at the sight of love, while her heart hurt. Candice slept at the back in a chair, covered in a blanket Garcia had placed on her hours earlier. It's 6am now and still dark. They’d been there nearly 22 hours and no change. Surprisingly, the BAU hadn’t been called out yet. It's been quiet, and she was thankful for it. She received texts from everyone throughout the night, Kevin Lynch was very concerned, a little more than he should have been, but it amused Garcia knowing that she would get to tell Andy about it. When she woke up, that is. 

\---------- 

_“_ _Why couldn’t I see that?” I shouted. "_ _I’m fucking worth it. I’m fucking worth fighting for,_ _Gpa_ _!"_ _. It didn’t mean I was going to change who I was, but maybe I'll be less sad and lonely if I allow it, like I have with the team and Aaron. He hugged me tightly, rocking me back and forth making that happy humming noise, “you got it,_ _hun_ _. You are worth every bit as much as the people you fight for. And never forget that! Never settle again. Never allow someone to belittle your existence. You knew this, but you weren’t aware of it, not completely. And that doesn’t mean a romantic relationship; just in everything you do. You are everything, my amazing granddaughter. You're like one of those superheroes you watch. And_ _your_ _super power is you care so much, but now you have to care about yourself too. Don’t give up and don’t shut anyone out. Trust me, Loneliness is the killer,” he ended. I nodded and chuckled. My heart feels so full now. “Tell my Beave, I love her,” he said..._

_\-------_

My eyes had a rough time adjusting after opening them. The room was dim, and my right arm was heavy, only to realize Mandy was laying on it, whilst the other was commandeered by a head of dark hair. I pulled my hand from his gently and ran my fingers through his hair, while wrapping the other around my sister. His head rose slowly, unsure of what was going on. I smiled as soon I saw his eyes. His breath hitched and relief smeared his face. He jumped forward quickly, holding my undamaged cheek, crying through smiling lips and kissing me. He was so happy. I smiled best I could, though my face still hurt. “We have to stop finding each other like this, Aaron,” I jested. Echoing my own words. 

“Sissy!” Mandy yelled when she realized what was going on. “Fuck!” I shouted, when she hugged me. She pulled back fast “It’s ok, I’m so happy to see you, little one,” I said, kissing her forehead. Mama ran to my bed side, squeezing in behind Mandy, “I’m so happy to see you all,” I managed out. Garcia stood behind Hotch smiling through her tears. “Thank you for being here,” I trembled out. 

Talking was hard still. Everything hurt, mainly because I refuse to be drugged up. The fever had subsided, the infection was gone and I was going to be ok. I wasn’t to be released for another day. I told them all to go get some real sleep, or at least a shower and that I would be here when they got back, I promised. Of course, they all refused. 

“Did Jade make it out?” I asked. Holding my hand, he smiled “Yes, she found us right before we found you”. Thankfulness washed over me. “Allison went home yesterday after a few stitches,” he added. “What? She made it??” I was beside myself. “The bullet skimmed her head, she’s fine,” he replied. My heart jumped hearing this. I really thought she was dead. I took a painful deep breath and felt nothing but solace in this moment.

“Ok everyone, be honest...How ugly am I?” I jested. “You’re beautiful,” I heard from the adults... “Oh, it’s pretty bad, sissy” piped in Mandy. I laughed hard, “Guess I know who to start listening to, you liars. Sheesh”. Everyone giggled. 

I know I have a lot of healing to do. But, I'm so happy I didn’t die. I think most people would be. However, I can’t promise I’ll be ok just yet, but I will be. For I am loved and I am worth it.

Right?


End file.
